When It's Right(101)

The right thing to do. She didn’t know what that was or how to go about doing it where Blake was concerned. She didn’t have any experience with counting on someone to catch her when she fell. Usually, she just braced for the impact and picked herself up. Knowing Blake would throw himself down and give her a safe, soft place to fall was difficult to take in. It overwhelmed her heart and frightened her a little to think that if she lost it—­him—­she would lose something vital to her life.

Blake sat on the porch steps watching the road. She’d be back. When, was another matter.

Over dinner, they plotted and planned a birthday party she’d never forget. To pull it off, they’d have to deceive her, but he hoped in the end she’d be happy.

Right now, she wasn’t very happy with him. But he’d fix that as soon as she came home, because his world tilted out of balance when she wasn’t with him.

What if she didn’t want to be a permanent part of his life? He couldn’t lose her. He couldn’t live without her. He’d just have to teach her to lean on him and trust him. The only way to do that was to show her every day that he was hers to keep.

Underlying everything, she feared losing him, because in her tumultuous life nothing and no one had ever been a permanent part of her world. Nothing good ever happened to Gillian before she came to the ranch. Her body had healed, but her mind and her heart were still entrenched in the belief that she had only herself to rely on. No matter how close they got, she was always waiting for him to leave and for their relationship to fall apart. Not going to happen. But she didn’t believe that. Well, he’d prove it to her every day for the rest of his life if she let him.

She sought him out during the day just to say hi. He often thought she wanted to make sure he was there, somewhere, and that he was real. So many times over the last several weeks, she made him feel like he was such a gift in her life. He tried to give her that feeling back, even by half, but today’s events proved he’d done a piss-­poor job. He’d spend the rest of his life doing it better.

Worried about her, his gut tightened with anticipation. She’d only been gone a few hours, and he missed her. He wanted to work things out.

He heard her truck before he saw it come around the bend. He waited for her to get out and make her way up the path. He didn’t stand up to greet her. Man, she was a sight for sore eyes. Whatever they’d argued about earlier was so insignificant that it had blown away like sand in a windstorm. Every time he saw her, he was struck by her amazing beauty. Even in the night, her hair morphed from blonde to red to brown as it swayed at her back. He hated the worry lines on her forehead. She didn’t stop at the bottom of the steps but barreled right up them and launched herself into his arms and buried her face in his neck.

Finally, he felt whole again.

Gillian couldn’t help the tears or the catch in her voice. “I’m sorry, Blake.”

His arms tightened around her. “Sweetheart, there’s nothing to be sorry about. We disagreed. That’s all. I just want to keep you safe. I can’t help myself. I’m selfish. I want to keep you with me forever.”

She pulled back and wiped her eyes, then stood on a lower step and tried for a compromise. “I’m not turning over Boots’s training to you or Ken. He’s mine. I’ve worked with him all this time. I’m not letting either of you take over—­”

“Okay.”

“—­I realize there’ll be other horses at the race that might be better, but I want—­”

“Okay.”

“—­a chance to see what he and I can do.” Blake smiled at her with that half grin she loved so much. “Did you say okay?”

“Yes. Boots is your horse. If you want to train him, I won’t stop you or interfere. But . . .”

“No buts,” she said, concerned.

“But someone else rides him. I can’t watch you do that again. It damn near stopped my heart today. You came here hurt, sweetheart.” His voice turned rough with emotion. “I can’t stand to see you hurt again. You’ve proven you can train and ride Boots, and I’m proud of you. I really am. But I’m begging you, please, for my sanity and heart’s sake, let someone else ride him.”

The possibility of her getting hurt scared him. Yes, even Blake could be afraid. For her. Not so much for him to ask of her, she agreed to compromise. “Deal. But that doesn’t mean I’ll stop riding him. I’ll leave the racing to someone else.”

“I’m just asking that you don’t risk your life, because when you do, you risk mine, too. I can’t even think of living my life without you.”