“He didn’t do jack crap because his hands were tied to the bed!” she screams, still looking at me as if she would carve my eyes out with the spoon she’s eating her ice cream with.
You would think that she would be thankful; I mean I did stop by the grocery store and buy them ten different flavors of ice cream, but nope. The second I walked into the house, she looked like she wanted to murder me along with her ex.
“So,” I start, attempting to make my excuses and escape into my bedroom with some SportsCenter, but I snap my mouth shut when she stabs the air with her spoon. I watch Bam follow the utensil helplessly hoping that something, anything, will fall to the ground for him before looking over at Ember and praying she has the answers as to how I can get out of here.
“Would you let some hoochie tie you to the bed?” Nikki questions me with an evil tone.
Again, I look at Ember. I’m not really sure the truth right now will help my chances of getting out of here alive. She just winks and I know I’m on my own.
“Uh …” I clear my throat. “No. I would not. I’m more of the one doing the tying in this situation.”
Ember stifles a giggle before Nikki can notice, but I don’t miss it. She’s going to pay for that later.
“You would tie up some hoochie?! You son of a Cher!”
“Huh?” Son of a Cher? Good God, this girl is strange.
“Ember! Did you hear him? He’s just like all the other ones. Just thinking about his dick and some hoochie.”
“Actually,” I interrupt, and she jerks her eyes from Ember to where I’m sitting. I briefly consider all my points of exit options that I have and figure no matter what, my legs are longer, and if it comes to it, I have no problem running like a little titty baby from this spoon wheedling woman. “I never said I would tie up some ‘hoochie.’ I just meant that when it came to being tied up or doing the tying, I would be doing not receiving. And the only woman I’m going to tie to my bed is here,” I finish in a rush and point over at Ember.
She gives me a big smile, distracting me for a second, but a second is all that was needed. I feel the spoon hit my forehead before falling to the hardwood in a loud clatter.
“Oops.” Ember giggles.
“What the hell was that for?” I ask, rubbing my head.
“That was for having a penis.”
“Why am I being punished because I have a dick?”
“Because you’re breathing and thinking about using it. That’s where it all begins,” she sobs, and I watch as she drops her head to her hands as her hair falls into the almost melted container of chocolate ice cream.
“I’m just going to go … uh, somewhere, anywhere.”
Ember’s chest moves as she silently giggles, but she just waves me off as she moves from the chair she had been sitting on to the couch where Nikki is wailing and pulls her hair out of the ice cream. I see her look at her wrists for a hair tie and not wanting to stick around longer than necessary, I rip the one holding my hair in a bun and toss it in her lap on my way out of the room.
What a fucking mess.
With nothing on TV, I decided to pick up one of the books Ember is always reading. I used to make fun of Dani for reading ‘mom porn,’ but this shit is shockingly good. I’ve already made some mental notes of shit I plan to do to Ember. If she enjoys reading it so much, she’s had to have thought about reenacting some of the scenes.
I had been thoroughly enjoying some bum fun when the door opened and a very tired looking Ember walked into the bedroom. Her white tee shirt was streaked with what I’m hoping is chocolate ice cream. Her bare feet are silent as she turns to pull her shorts down her legs, giving me a great view of her ass.
“How is she?” I break the silence, and she jumps a good foot in the air.
“I thought you would be sleeping,” she says tiredly.
“I decided to do some light reading instead.” I hold up the book, and she just shakes her head with a small laugh. “I thought about getting a highlighter but didn’t want to piss you off by marking your book up.”
“Thank you for that,” she sarcastically drones.
I put the book down, making sure to mark the page I’m on, and pat the bed. “Come on, you look tired.”
“I’m exhausted. Things just got worse when you left and she’s been crying between mouthfuls of ice cream for the last two hours. I finally had enough and crushed up a Benadryl in her wine. She passed out thirty minutes ago.”
“Is that safe?”
“Yeah. I called the twenty-four-hour pharmacist and asked if it was okay to take a Benadryl after a few glasses of wine. She’s just going to take a good, much-needed nap.”