When I'm Gone(66)

I stalked back to her door with a purpose and knocked. She didn’t come, but I waited.

“Reese. I know you hear me,” I said through the door.

I knocked again, but she didn’t answer.

“I’m leaving. You want me to go, so I’ll go. But know that I love you. I will love you the rest of my life. If you don’t call me, I will still be there in Texas loving you.”

I waited, but she never came to the door.

After several minutes, I knew she wasn’t coming. She was going to let me do this.

Unable to stop myself, I banged on the door with my fist one more time and yelled as loudly as I could, “I love you, Reese Ellis! I love you so fucking much!”

I heard a door open next door, but I didn’t look at whoever it was. I waited outside her door, hoping she’d open it.

But she didn’t.





Reese


Nine weeks later





I opened my door to find Jimmy on the other side. He had a cappuccino in each hand. Once that was a comforting sight. Nothing comforted me anymore. The nightmares from my past were back with a vengeance. I rarely slept anymore. Cappuccino in the morning and coffee in a mug in the afternoon were the only way I made it through work every day.

“Ready, sunshine?” he asked.

I nodded and grabbed my backpack. “Yeah,” I replied, taking the cup he offered me.

“I hate you. I want your skin. It’s not fair you get so tanned,” he complained.

“I work out in the sun. Of course I’m going to get tanned,” I reminded him, rolling my eyes. He whined about my tan at least twice a week.

“Tanning and watching hot men swing clubs. I’m working in the wrong department,” he said with a huff.

We both knew that Darla wouldn’t let him work on the golf course at the Kerrington Club. Jimmy had a face women loved. He worked as a server, and the women came in droves to flirt with him and tip him well. On the course, he wouldn’t be as popular. There were several women who golfed but not many. The majority played tennis. The men dominated the golf course.

“It’s hot out there, and the men are all dressed in shorts and polo shirts. It’s not exactly sexy attire. You aren’t missing out on anything.”

Jimmy opened his car door and rolled his eyes at me. “Girl, I’ve seen Rush Finlay’s hot ass in shorts and a polo, and it’s enough for me to pour ice water down my pants.”

“God! Jimmy!” I couldn’t help but laugh, but honestly, he could be so descriptive.

I sank down into the passenger seat, put my backpack on the floor, and set my coffee in the cupholder so I could buckle up. Riding with Jimmy to and from work was easier now that we worked at the same place. Jimmy had arranged it so that our schedules matched every week.

“Keeping it real, babe,” he replied, as he climbed inside.

Sometimes Jimmy keeping it real was him just wanting to make me laugh. Only recently had he been able to accomplish that, and it wasn’t often. But I would give him one thing: since the moment Mase Manning had walked out of my life, Jimmy had been my shadow.

I couldn’t go anywhere without checking in with him. He panicked if he didn’t know where I was, and he always stayed late with me. For a while, he would sit and hold my hand while I went to sleep at night. He never mentioned it, but I knew he was trying to take the place of my nightly phone calls. The ones I didn’t have anymore.

I had quit my cleaning job with the Carters simply because I couldn’t see anyone who reminded me of Mase, and there was the chance that he’d turn up anytime for a visit. I wasn’t sure how I’d handle that. I also told Blaire Finlay that I couldn’t clean for her. The Finlays also reminded me of Mase.

Once I was jobless, Jimmy offered to get me work as a cart girl on the country club’s golf course. I had told him about my dyslexia then, and he had helped me fill out the application. When he had asked me if I wanted to read to him at night, I had broken down and closed myself up in my room. He didn’t have to ask to figure out why. He was a smart guy.

Now he asked me, “Thad still coming a lot during your shifts?”

I sighed and laid my head back against the seat. “Thad just golfs a lot. He’s not only coming during my shifts.”

Jimmy let out an amused laugh. “Keep telling yourself that, chick. But blondie doesn’t golf unless he’s with Woods or Grant. It isn’t something I ever saw him do by himself. Until you put on that little outfit and started passing out beers.”

I didn’t want to think about Thad coming to see me. I didn’t want anyone coming to see me. Not that way.

I love you, Reese Ellis!

That broken cry that had been so loud my neighbors heard it was all that took up residence in my chest. Everything else was gone. Finding any emotion was hard for me. Only at night, when I was asleep and the past came back to torture me, did I scream and cry.