When I Was Yours(93)

Bench seats are not made for long periods of sitting. Both my ass cheeks are numb, and my back hurts.

Two hours is a really long time to sit. I mean, one hour is a long time, but two? This second hour feels longer than the first. I never realized how long an hour was until I had to sit here for two of them with absolutely nothing to do but stare across the street at Adam’s building. And God knows how much longer I’m going to be here.

But I’m not moving. I’ll sit here all night if I have to.

I know I look like a complete dick, but I don’t care.

I came here to tell Adam the truth, and that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to wait here until he leaves his building, and then I’m going to force him to hear me out.

I can’t remember the last time I sat for this long. Sure, I sit and watch TV for long periods of time, but I’m watching TV.

The last time I just sat like this and did nothing…was ten years ago—with Adam. We would sit up on my rock or just on the beach, and I would sketch for a while. Then, when I was done sketching, we’d just watch the sun fade into the ocean together, just being together.

Now, I’m sitting here alone, outside his building, and he doesn’t want to see me.

I tilt my head back and stare up at the sky. The clouds are slowly drifting over.

I let myself remember good times, happier times.

There was a time when I wouldn’t allow myself to remember the good times because it hurt too much to do so.

It hurts now, but it’s a pain I’m familiar with.

A shadow falls over me. I drop my gaze, and my eyes meet with Adam’s.

My breath catches. My heart stills.

“You suck at stakeouts,” he says in a low voice that sends chills over my skin. “I could have left the building and walked straight past you, and you wouldn’t have noticed.”

He sits down beside me on the bench. My eyes follow him. My mouth is open.

He’s here.

“Wh-why didn’t you?”

“Well, after two hours of waiting, I figured you must really want to talk to me.”

He was watching me from his building. I don’t know what to make of that. I want to think he hasn’t given up on me completely. But he might after I tell him what I’m here to say.

“I did—do. I do want to talk to you.” I swallow nervously, my mouth as dry as the desert. “And I would have waited for as long as necessary to make that happen.” I need him to know that.

“Well, I’m here now, so talk.”

I take a calming breath, trying to gather my thoughts. I’ve got so many things to say to him, and I want to make sure I get this out right and say everything I need to.

I blow that breath out and start talking, “I lied to you.” I look at him and hold his stare. “That first day in your bungalow at the hotel, you asked me if Ava had anything to do with my leaving, and I said no. That was a lie.”

His expression doesn’t change, but I see the anger flickering to life in his eyes.

He doesn’t say anything. He just continues to steadily stare back at me.

I look ahead, my hands pressed together in my lap, as I keep talking, “That night of your bachelor party, after you left, Ava turned up at the beach house. I didn’t let her in at first. I told her that you’d gone out. She said she wasn’t there to see you. She was there to see me. She told me that she had a proposition for me. I told her that whatever it was she had to say, I definitely wasn’t interested.”

I meet his eyes. I want him to see the truth in mine while I say this, “I was ready to shut the door in her face. Then, she started telling me things. She knew stuff about me, my family…about Casey. She knew that Casey was dying. And she told me there was a way she could help with that.

“There was a medical trial with a new drug, a potentially life-saving drug. It wasn’t available to the general population. It was invitation only. But she told me that she knew people, powerful people, and that she had gotten Casey a place in the trial. What she wanted in return for that place was…” A sudden tear drips from my eye. I quickly catch it. “I had to give you up. She brought annulment papers with her. She’d had them drawn up the day after we’d gotten married.”

I already have his attention, but that garners me more of it. I know what he’s thinking. He didn’t tell her until days later that we were married.

“She knew the moment we got married. Your credit card payment…” I explain.

Dawning settles on his face, but he still doesn’t say anything.

I drag my fingers through my hair, my eyes looking straight ahead again. “Ava told me she would let Casey have that place on the medical trial, and she would pay for any medical aftercare that she needed. In return, I had to leave you.” I look at him again. “It was you or Casey. I didn’t have a choice, Adam.”