Her heart thundered wildly. “It’s not avoidance, Mac. I’ve just been super busy.”
“I told you that I loved you and you acted as if I said it was raining outside,” he said.
She looked away from him. “I-I don’t know what you want me to say.”
Mac winced. “I guess I’m just confused. I thought we were heading in the same direction. Then we come back from this amazing trip and you’re suddenly distant and stand-offish. Did I do something wrong?”
She fidgeted with her fingers. “I’m just…so much is going on with you…finding Callie and getting to know her all over again should be your focus.”
Mac frowned. “Please stop with the excuses. If you don’t want to be with me anymore just say it plainly. Don’t hide behind my reunion with Callie. I don’t buy it for a second.”
She wanted to cry. And run into his arms for protection. Maybe if Mac held her in his arms she could confess to him all her doubts and fears. Maybe things wouldn’t seem so scary to her then.
“You’re right, Mac. I-I’m not sure that I’m the woman you’re looking for.”
He clenched his jaw. “Seriously? That’s what you think?”
“I’m not sure,” she whispered.
“Not sure of what? Us?” he pressed. “Whether you want this relationship?”
He was pushing her into a corner with his questions and it wasn’t a nice feeling, not when she was scared and nervous. “Yes!” she cried out. “I’m not sure about us.”
Mac bowed his head down and let out a ragged breath. “It sounds like you don’t want to do this anymore.”
There it was! Another relationship crashing and burning around her. Why couldn’t she just tell him that she loved him? Why did it feel as if she was sinking in quicksand?
“Mac, I-I—”
“Don’t worry, Delilah. I think I knew you didn’t feel the same way about me the other night based on your response to my saying that I loved you.” Mac turned on his heel and walked toward the front door. Once he was outside he stopped in his tracks and turned back to look at her.
“Just tell me one thing Delilah. How in the world am I supposed to fall out of love with you?”
He turned and walked away from her bungalow, his broad shoulders sagging in defeat. She took a step forward to walk after him, but she ended up stopping in her tracks. How could she chase after Mac when she didn’t know if she could go the distance with him? When her ability to even seize this golden opportunity was in question? There was no doubt in her mind how she would spend the rest of this evening. It had been a long time since she’d cried herself to sleep, but she imagined that her broken heart would cause her to shed many more tears.
And it was all her fault! Once again her crippling fears had gotten in her way. This time she would pay dearly for her insecurities. Her doubts and fears had cost her Mac.
**
Mac walked blindly toward his car. A red haze colored everything in his path. It felt as if a hundred pound boulder was sitting on his chest. The pain slicing through him was unlike anything he had ever felt before. Love wasn’t as wonderful as everyone always talked about. All the love songs and the poems and the movies had lied. Love was painful. Humiliating. And it lied to you. It made you feel as if you stood a hundred feet tall until you fell on your face like a chump.
He was in love with a woman whose feelings about him were lukewarm. He had seen it written all over her face. She’d looked like a deer caught in the headlights. She’d been scared to tell him that she didn’t return his feelings.
Mac placed his head on the steering wheel. He sucked in an agonizing breath. This hurt like crazy. He had no clue how he was supposed to walk through this world as if it his heart hadn’t been shattered. It had been like a sucker punch to the gut. And still he loved her. She was, and always would be the woman he adored. Only now he would have to do it from afar.
As he revved his engine and roared off into the onyx night he told himself that he’d been through worse heartaches in his life. Somehow, he’d get by. If nothing else, he was a survivor.
**
Delilah hadn’t slept in days. Her heart was shattered. She was a wreck. Moist palms. Heart skittering. Trembling limbs. All because of Mac. She was in love with him. Over the top, happily in love with this God-fearing, wonderful, soulful man.
But she’d been a coward. All these years she’d been yearning for love and aching to find someone who would see her—really, truly see her. And love her as is. Imperfections and all.
Mac. Sweet, strong Mac. Against all odds he’d given her his heart. He’d opened up to her and put his past behind him in order to step out on a limb and forge something real between them.