I stared at my daughter. She was really becoming a beautiful young woman. “How did you get to be so smart?”
“I come from good stock.” She smiled, and I took her hand as we sat in silence for long moments.
“Mama told me you said you didn’t think I loved your dad,” I finally said. My heart had plummeted when my mother told me that this morning. She was trying to get me to let my anger go and focus on my family. She said my kids needed me, but sitting here looking at my oldest, I was starting to think I needed them. “Is it true? Did you say that?”
She slowly nodded. “It is.”
“I loved your father,” I said firmly.
She hunched her shoulders. “Sometimes he—we—couldn’t tell. You always seemed so mad at everybody. Like you wanted to be anywhere but here with us.”
That made me cry. Yes, I vented and complained a lot, but I loved my family. I really did.
“That’s not true,” I said. “I just . . . I . . .” I had no excuse, so I said, “Is that why you were able to forgive Felise, because you think I didn’t love your father anyway?”
She pursed her lips, thinking. “No. I forgave Nana because it was the right thing to do. You know Nana isn’t a monster. Yes, what she did was wrong. What Dad did was wrong. But they aren’t bad people. You just told me this the other day about Chelsea. We made up, and it was thanks to you.”
“Sweetie, this is way different from you and Chelsea,” I said defensively.
“Not really. Yes, it’s a lot more painful, but it’s still the same. You and Nana were best friends. Like you told me about Chelsea, friendships like that are worth forgiving.”
I never thought my lectures to my daughter would come back to haunt me.
Tahiry continued, “Besides, you’ve taught me all my life that God wants us to be loving, forgiving people.”
I gave her a half smile. “Now you want to start listening to me.”
She smiled back. “I know this is harder on you than anybody. But you gotta know Nana isn’t somewhere gloating. Uncle Greg moved out. Everybody knows.”
I raised my eyebrow in an I-don’t-care gesture, but Tahiry kept talking.
“And while Liz forgave her mother, it’s still hard on her. And that means it’s hard on Nana.”
“Liz forgave her?” I asked.
“That’s her mom. Wouldn’t you want me to forgive you no matter what you did?”
I didn’t know how to reply to that. Finally, I said, “Of course I would, but I’d never do anything like this.”
“We should never say never,” Tahiry replied. “Just think about it, Mom. Hate is a wasted energy. Isn’t that what you said?”
Tears welled in my eyes as I stroked my daughter’s cheek. I had wallowed in bitterness and self-pity for so long that I’d missed my daughter turning into a young woman.
“I’m so proud of you,” I said. I didn’t know if I could be as mature as my child in this whole forgiveness thing, but she’d definitely given me food for thought.
“I love you, Mom.” She leaned down and started picking up all the destroyed photos. She reverted to her usual teenage voice as she said, “Now, can we tape these pictures back together? I need them to one day show my kids these ugly bridesmaid dresses.”
For the first time in days, I laughed.
57
Felise
STEVEN JAMES WRIGHT
LOVING HUSBAND
DEVOTED FATHER
1977–2013
MY FINGERS GENTLY RAN OVER the tombstone. I wasn’t surprised that he had a headstone already. While most people had to wait six weeks, Ms. Lois was going to make certain her son went out in style.
“Nice headstone,” I said as I laid the flowers down on his grave. The day was overcast and dreary, and matched my mood. Or at least the mood I’d come here with. I was hoping to leave cleansed and ready to move on.
“Your mother is always looking out for you,” I said, as a memory came racing back. “You remember when your mom came up to campus when you got the presidential award and they put you at the back of the stadium?” I managed a laugh, which echoed in the silence all around me. “You were so embarrassed, and I calmed you down by reminding you how I would’ve given anything for my mother to come up.”
I was talking to Steven like he could actually talk back. I’d give anything if he could.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and reminded myself that I came here today for closure. Not to reminisce.
My life was slowly but surely returning to normal. Things were a little uncomfortable when Tahiry came over, but I think that affected me more than her. Both of the girls had shown remarkable resilience.