No, I had to put on my big-girl panties, tell the truth, and deal with the consequences—however frightening they might be.
43
Paula
RETURNING TO MY NORMAL HOUSEHOLD duties felt strange. With Steven gone, I didn’t think that normalcy would ever return again. It had actually been quiet around here. My children still were away. I’d talked to them this morning. The boys weren’t in a hurry to come home, and Tahiry wouldn’t be back from camp for two weeks. I was going to do like my mom said and enjoy my peace, but honestly, I wouldn’t have minded hearing the chatter of my children.
I was folding the last of the laundry and had just placed a stack of towels in the linen closet when the doorbell rang. I peeked outside and saw the UPS deliveryman.
“Hi,” he said after I opened the door. “I have a delivery”—he glanced down at his clipboard—“for Steven Wright.”
I was momentarily speechless. What was I supposed to say? “Sorry, Steven is dead”? Or, “Sorry, Steven can never sign for another package”? So I just said, “I’ll take it.”
Back inside, I opened the package. I couldn’t believe the emotions that were flowing through me. What had my husband ordered? I slowly pulled the package open. My heart dropped when I saw the blue Tiffany’s box inside.
“Oh, my God,” I said, after opening the box. It contained a beautiful white-gold chain-link bracelet with a dangling heart and the most beautiful inscription: I want to grow old with you. SW. Happy Anniversary.
I fell to the floor in tears and didn’t look up until my mom entered the living room.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
I managed a nod. “Yes.” I held the box out toward her. “I just got this. Apparently, Steven was having it delivered to arrive in time for our anniversary.”
“Oh, honey,” my mom said. She took the bracelet out and examined it. “Oh, my God, it’s beautiful.”
I pulled myself up off the floor. “I guess this is a sign. Everyone keeps telling me to let the anger go, the quest for answers, everything. I prayed for God to send me a sign that that’s what I needed to do. I wanted some kind of confirmation that I was doing the right thing.”
She eased the bracelet onto my arm. “Well, you got your sign.”
I put my hand over my mouth to stifle a sob.
“Paula,” my mother said, “don’t focus on what happened on the night Steven died. Look at the life he lived. And the legacy”—she handed me an envelope—“that he’s leaving you and your children.”
“What’s that?” I asked, taking it.
“Came in the mail for you. It’s from New York Life Insurance Company, so I thought it might be important.”
I frowned as I pulled myself up off the floor. “That’s strange. Our life insurance is through AIG.”
I tore the envelope open and fell back against the wall in sheer shock at the sight of the check I was holding in my hand.
“What is it?” my mom said, leaning over. She clutched her heart. “Glory be to Jesus! Does that say two million dollars?”
I knew that Steven had insurance through his company. But I had no idea that he had taken out an additional life insurance policy.
“What . . . Who? I didn’t even fill out the paperwork.” I rifled through the envelope until I saw a letter. I was reading it when my mom nudged me and said, “Read it out loud.”
I started reading: “ ‘Hey, Paula. I know you are swamped, so I went ahead and processed your paperwork for Steven’s life insurance policy. I know this can’t bring him back, but he loved you and the kids so much and he wanted you to be taken care of. Let me know if you need anything. Love, Carl.’ ” I looked at my mom. “It’s from Steven’s friend, Carl. He’s an insurance agent.” I stared at the check again. “Oh, my God. I had no idea.”
“Wow. I think that’s quite a nice way to say ‘I’m sorry.’ ”
“Mama!”
“I know that’s bad, but it’s the truth.” She looked up toward the ceiling. “Steven, I don’t know if my daughter forgives you, but I sure do.”
“Mama, you are so foul.” I actually managed to laugh through my tears.
“Whatever. Nothing says ‘I’m sorry’ like a two-million-dollar check.”
I held the check to my chest. We’d already received five hundred thousand dollars in life insurance from Steven’s job. We would live off that. This, I’d use to pay off the house, then put the rest up for my kids. “This money is for my children’s future.”