Steven was about to say something else when his phone rang. He pulled it out of the holder on his hip, glanced at it, and said, “Speak of the devil. This is Paula.” He pressed Talk. “Hello.” He paused.
“Naw, I’m still here,” he said into the phone. “I am not drunk . . . Yes, I had a few drinks.” He rolled his eyes and pulled the phone away from his ear as Paula’s loud voice broadcast from the phone. He put it back to his ear. “Look, don’t start with me, Paula. I told you I was going to be out late . . . I asked you to come. You’re the one who wanted to stay at home . . .” He gritted his teeth as he stood up. “Oh, don’t give me that. Your mom was there. Why is she living there if you don’t ever want to leave the kids with her?” He paused again, and I could tell Paula was going off. “You know what, I told you about calling me out of my name . . .” His brow was furrowing, and I could tell he was getting upset. “I don’t think so! I pay the mortgage. I wish you would put my sh—” I put my hand on his arm to calm him down and remind him where he was. He took a deep breath and said, “Stop threatening me with divorce. If you’re going to leave, then leave . . . I wish you would put my stuff on the lawn!”
More muffled roars came from Paula’s end. Then finally he said, “You are deranged! I was meeting with Kevin, not another woman! Why would I invite you if I was planning on meeting another woman? . . . I didn’t think you’d refuse. You know what? You’re being ridiculous, as usual. Don’t call me rushing me. I’ll be home when I get home! You . . . Hello? Hello?”
He tossed the phone on the bar. “Uggh!” He flinched as, unexpectedly, he grabbed at his chest.
“Are you okay?” I asked. Paula had mentioned he’d been having some chest pains, but she had just chalked it up to stress from his demanding job.
Steven stood deathly still for a minute, then relaxed before saying, “Yeah. That woman gives me heartburn.” He signaled for the bartender, and I relaxed. “Excuse me, can I get another drink? And make it a double!”
I knew Paula wasn’t happy, but I’d had no idea their marriage had reached this extreme. “What was that all about?” I asked. I definitely noted that he hadn’t told her that he was with me.
“I swear, that woman! I just don’t know how much longer I can do this. She’s always accusing me of cheating! Felise, as God as my witness, I’ve never cheated on her, but for as much as she accuses me, I might as well be.”
“Don’t say that,” I replied as the bartender set a double shot glass in front of us. “Your wife loves you.”
“I’m just tired.” Steven took his drink and downed it in one extended gulp. “See, you’re not the only one who’s unhappy.”
I hesitated as I saw the pain swirl in his eyes. “Can I ask you a question?” I finally said.
He managed a smile. “Ask away.”
“Why didn’t you tell her you were here with me?”
He shrugged, not looking guilty. “I don’t know. She didn’t give me a chance before she started going off. It’s probably best anyway. With the rampage she’s on, you don’t need to be dragged into our drama.”
I nodded, for the first time wondering if she ever brought up our past.
“Don’t worry,” he said, as if reading my mind. “It’s not you. She doesn’t have an issue with you, with us. Her issue is with me. Me and her.”
Our eyes met when he said that, and I didn’t know if it was the liquor or what, but I found myself saying, “Do you ever find yourself wondering, ‘What if?’ You know, with us?”
He stared at me as he somberly said, “All the time.” He sighed heavily and returned his gaze to his empty glass. “When I want to be spontaneous and go somewhere, I wonder about us. When I long to just kick back and have fun, I think about us.”
“We did used to have some fun.” I managed to laugh. “Remember that day you woke up and said, let’s just drive to the Grand Canyon?”
“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that,” he said, finally smiling. “What were we, like twenty? We just up and went. It took us two days, but we had so much fun.”
“Oh, my God. You remember that honky-tonk club we went to and were teaching those people how to cabbage patch?”
“What about when you told those people at that restaurant that we were Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown?”
“I completely forgot about that.” Our laughter finally died down, and I grew somber again. “I haven’t felt that in a long time.”