20
Paula
THANK GOD FOR FELISE. THAT’S all I could think as I watched her straighten Mason’s little tie. I don’t know how I would’ve made it these last few days if Felise hadn’t taken part of the load. At first, I was a little worried. She didn’t show up until I called, begging her to come, but since then she hadn’t left my side. I was glad that she was devoting more of her time to my children, especially Tahiry, than to me because I didn’t have the strength to comfort them right then. After I put my husband in the ground today, I was going to have to pull it together for my children. But first I had to get through the funeral.
“So, are you ready?” Felise asked. She looked more like the widow than I did. We both had on simple black dresses, but Felise wore a small pillbox hat with a netted veil hanging over her face. Any other time I would’ve talked about that hat, but today—on the worst day of my life—her attire was the least of my concerns.
“Hold on before we go,” I said, taking her hand. “I just want to tell you how much it means to me that you’re here.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “Where else would I be?”
“I’m lucky to have a friend like you. I know my mom is trying to be strong, but she’s more emotional than I am. So is Steven’s mom. I don’t know how I would get through this without you.”
She shifted, like I was making her uncomfortable, then said, “Come on, let’s go.”
I draped my arm through hers as my children, my best friend, and I headed to bury my husband.
“BEAUTIFUL SERVICE, PAULA. STEVEN WAS a good man.”
I smiled as Steven’s boss looked at me through sorrow-filled eyes. We had come back at my house for the repast, along with just about everyone from the service. People were wall to wall.
“Just know that if you or the kids need anything, I’m here.”
I patted his hand, which covered mine. “Thank you, Mr. Chimere. My friend Felise will be staying with me a few days. She’ll make sure I’m taken care of.”
Felise’s eyes bucked. I knew I hadn’t talked to her about that, but I knew it wouldn’t be a problem.
“It’s so wonderful to have great friends,” Mr. Chimere said to her.
“Thank you,” Felise said, her voice soft.
I greeted more people until I simply couldn’t take it anymore. “I gotta get out of here. I’m going to lie down. Come with me for a minute,” I said, taking Felise’s hand and pulling her down the hallway. As soon as the door to my bedroom closed, I collapsed. “I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I cried. “How am I supposed to make it through all the days to come?”
“You’re a strong woman. You’re going to pull it together and keep moving,” Felise said matter-of-factly.
Her eyes looked wracked with pain, reminding me once again that I wasn’t the only one grieving.
I sat up on the bed. “I’m sorry. You were close to Steven, and I know you’re hurting, too.”
She forced a smile. “This isn’t about me. This is about you and the kids. So you have to be strong for them.”
“I know. It’s just the guilt is killing me. My last words to him. I didn’t want a divorce.”
“Shhh,” she said. “Now’s not the time. Tell you what, why don’t you lie down? I will take care of everything out there. You just rest, okay?”
I nodded. Flopping down on the bed did feel like the best thing in the world right then. “Where’s my mom and Charlene?”
“Your mom is already lying down, and Charlene is keeping the boys entertained. Tahiry and Liz are in her room.”
I hoped my mom was fine. She’d actually passed out at the service, but I didn’t have the stamina to deal with anyone else right then, so I was grateful for Felise for taking on that task.
Felise headed toward the door. I stopped her just before she opened it. “Felise?”
“Yeah?” she said, turning toward me.
“I love you.”
She hesitated, and a slow tear escaped from her eyes. “I love you, too, Paula. I really do.”
I smiled and crawled under my covers, confident that my friend would make sure everything was handled.
21
Felise
“ARE YOU OKAY?” GREG SAID, approaching me. I nodded as I slowly massaged the back of my neck.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied. “It’s just been a stressful day.” I know Paula hadn’t wanted so many people back at her house, and I surely didn’t either. We both wanted people to pay their respects and leave us to our grief. But Steven’s mom was a true Southern matriarch, and according to her, “Steven wouldn’t be able to rest in peace unless he got a proper send-off, and that includes a repast.”