“I’m hoping. You haven’t had a fever yet, and a stomach bug doesn’t usually last thing long.”
My brain snags onto the word hoping. Andrew wants a family? He’s not upset that I’ve been so careless? He’s definitely grinning from ear to ear and it lifts me up too. I stand up and head to our bathroom. Andrew comes with me, though he waits on the bed outside the door. There are three tests in the box, I guess in case you don’t believe it the first time. I pull out the instructions with shaking fingers. A baby. A little human being made up of Andrew and I. I sit down onto the toilet and it takes me a few tries to figure out the best way to pee on a stick. Who knew it’d be so hard.
“All done?” he asks by the door. I guess he couldn’t just sit and wait.
“Yes. Start the clock.”
I clean myself up and open the door. The two tests are beside the sink. I’m getting nervous. Even though I was denying the possibility minutes ago, now I’m wanting it so badly I can’t bear to be disappointed. I pace our bedroom. It’s beautiful and spacious, and look, there’s even a perfect place to put a crib beside the window. There’s the spare bedroom across from us that could be converted into a nursery too. Though maybe it would be better if we bought a house in a good school district...? Before I know it, Andrew’s phone beeps, and he goes to take a look. I sit down on the bed.
“Well?” I ask hopefully. I’m trying to figure it out from his body language what the little sticks say. I almost don’t want to know.
“You’re pregnant Noelle.” He turns around and there’s a huge goofy grin on his face. He comes to me and pulls me in for a kiss.
“Are you sure?” I ask. It’s like I don’t want to let myself be this happy in case it’ll all come crashing down again on me. “Maybe it’s wrong?”
“It’s not wrong,” he says. “You have morning sickness, not a stomach bug Noelle. You’re carrying our baby.”
Andrew squeezes me in his strong arms. I finally allow myself to smile. A baby! I couldn’t believe it. We were going to be a family. Suddenly I was seized by apprehension.
“My wedding dress. It fit perfectly. My mom bought it off the rack already. I’m not going to fit into it by March!”
“So lets elope,” he says with a shrug. “I’ll buy myself a suit tomorrow. We can tie the knot and be done with it. It didn’t seem like you were enjoying yourself, and I only suggested a wedding because I thought you might like that sort of a thing.”
“Are you- Are you sure?” I’ve never been good with being at the center of attention. A big wedding with everyone looking on would have been more for my parents than for me.
“Of course Noelle,” Andrew says, leaning down to give me a soft kiss. “Whether we get married in front of one person or one hundred, I’ll still be happy because I’ll be marrying you. That’s what’s important.”
And that is just what we do. It’s a beautiful sunny Tuesday morning on the day of our marriage. I’m wearing my ivory silk wedding dress, and Andrew looks dashing in his charcoal black suit. I asked my mom to be my witness, and Andrew got the DJ friend of his. I wish it could have been my dad, but unfortunately he is still angry. I have come to terms with it though. It’s like my mom says. I have to pursue my own happiness. One day, he’ll see it and understand. My family might be cracked apart, but it isn’t broken, not yet.
And there is my baby. It’s small, too small to even see, but already it’s making big changes in our life. I want to be there for it in the same way my mom was. After talking it over with Andrew, we decide that I will take a year off from school. Instead, I’ll use the time to launch the jewelry business like I’ve always wanted to. If that doesn’t work out, I can go back to school online, or find something else to do. Who knows what the future will be like? A year ago I would never have thought I’d be with the love of my life, the man I’d always dreamed of ending up with. And now look at me. I can’t imagine my life any other way.
Epilogue
A year and a half later
I might actually finish this baby book today, I think with a smile. My parents have taken Violet as usual this Saturday afternoon, but for once the house is clean, my jewelry business is running smoothly, and Andrew has volunteered to do the grocery shopping so I could put my feet up and relax. I find myself with more time than I know what to do with, so I decide to tackle this project.
It was gift from my mom when she found out I was pregnant, who told me that I should try to write things down since I was bound to forget things in the haze after Violet’s birth. I am so glad I did. There’s the birth story, a bit about her family, her nursery, places to put pictures of my baby shower and my bump as it grows... A bit about our thoughts on what Violet will be like. And of course, everything after. What she weighed, when she hit her milestones, her favorite moments. It’s all there now, and I just know that one day Violet will find it as precious as I do.