What He Doesn't Know(37)

"Do you ever think about me when we're not together?"

I blinked, trying to think straight through the buzz of the wine. I  wanted to lie. I wanted to laugh. But I couldn't do anything but tell  the truth with his eyes on me like that.

"Sometimes."

Reese's fingers walked their way over to me slowly, his eyes still  locked on mine as they traveled up and over my knee, my thigh, hooking  into the belt loop of my jeans. A chill broke through my body from the  point of contact.

"Do you ever think about me?" I asked, voice barely a breath.

"Only every minute I'm not with you."

"Reese … "

"That night before I left for New York," he said, cutting me off. "I wanted to kiss you, Charlie. But I couldn't."

"Because I was too young?"

"Because I loved you."

He said the words so effortlessly, like they wouldn't knock the breath  from my chest once they were said, like they wouldn't change everything I  thought I knew about my life - about us.

"Sometimes," he continued, fingers pulling at where they were still  hooked on my jeans. My body leaned into him automatically, my eyes  searching his before they fell to the hollow point of his throat as he  swallowed. "I don't think I ever stopped."

Time warped then, fourteen years surrounding us like a living, breathing  energy in that fort. It sparked to life with his words, and when he  tugged hard on my jeans, I traveled through that energy like a ship on  the blackest of nights being guided only by instinct.

My eyes closed, my lips parted, and in the next instant, time stopped  altogether with one simple, passionate, all-consuming kiss.

I felt his hand in my hair, the other still on my hip as he pressed me  down into the sleeping bag with a roll of his body against mine. I  gasped for air, capturing only one breath before Reese's mouth was on  mine again. His warm, wet lips savored mine, years and years of want  pouring through every cell of his body straight into mine.

I whimpered at the feel of him, at the overwhelming need to be closer,  to have more. I couldn't breathe as he settled between my legs, his lips  traveling down over my jaw, my neck, sucking the skin there before they  made their way back up again.

When I finally opened my eyes, I only saw his emerald ones in return,  glowing almost golden in hue by the light of the fireplace. He brushed  my hair away from my face, fingers curling in the strands and tugging  until my neck was exposed for him. He bit the tender flesh softly,  sucking it sweetly in the next instant, and we both moaned when his hips  rolled into mine.

Reese was so hard already, every single inch of him - his arms that  encompassed me, his bare shoulders and back that I raked my nails down,  his cock beneath the thin fabric of his sweat pants as he caught  friction between us again. Every roll of his hips sent a jolt from where  my jeans brushed my clit, and my breaths grew more erratic, my heart  racing right out of my chest.

So long I'd waited for that kiss.

So many years, I'd wondered what it would be like to have his lips, to  taste his tongue, to feel his hands on the most sensitive parts of me.  And it wasn't anything like I expected. It was more. It was everything I  never knew existed. I couldn't have imagined what it would feel like  because I didn't know feelings like that could even be.

I didn't know a kiss could wake up every sleeping cell, that a bite  could send me into space, that a moan of want from a man could make me  see galaxies.

Before I could stop myself, I slid one hand between us, traveling over  the ridges and valleys of his abdomen and slipping easily under the band  of his sweatpants. He inhaled a stiff breath, cursing out loud when I  grabbed him over the fabric of his briefs and squeezed, rolling my hips  with the touch.                       
       
           


///
       

"Jesus Christ," he breathed, pressing his forehead into mine with his eyes closed tight.

I rolled my hand over the tip of him and down to his base, need  scorching a hot, blazing fire through every inch of me at the feel of  him hardening at my touch.

Reese wanted me so badly it hurt him, and I loved watching him take the pain.

His hand ripped at the button of my jeans, tearing the zipper down in  one full thrust, but just as his fingers gently swept over my lace  panties, a loud buzzing came from the table outside the fort.

That energy around us popped like a bubble, evaporating all at once, and  I opened my eyes to the cold reality of where I was, of what I was  doing.

"Fuck."

I shoved my hands hard into Reese's chest, crawling quickly out of the  fort as he caught his balance behind me. My hands scrambled for my phone  on the table next to his couch, and when I found it, I swiped over the  screen to answer the call before I'd even seen the name.

I knew who it was without looking, anyway.

"Hello?"

"Hey, babe," Cameron said tentatively. "Are you okay? I just got home from the game and you aren't here …  and Jane is gone."

"I'm fine, just went for a drive," I lied. "I'm about to head back to the house now."

"Oh, okay." He paused, and guilt flooded me from the inside out, cooling  my hot skin in a crashing wave. "Had to get out to clear your head for a  while, huh?"

"Yeah … " I didn't know what else to say. I wondered if he knew I was lying.

I wondered if he cared.

"I'm sorry. I should have skipped the game tonight. I won't go to the  one tomorrow, okay? We can …  I don't know. I'll make dinner, and we can  watch movies or something."

"I have to go, don't want to be on the phone while I'm driving," I said quickly. "I'll be home soon."

I hung up before he could respond, the urge to vomit hitting me so  strong I scrambled to my feet and ran to Reese's bathroom. I slammed the  door shut behind me, grappling at the toilet with clammy hands, but I  only dry heaved.

Nothing came out, my body's punishment for what I'd done. I'd have to  sit with all of it - the guilt, the betrayal, the utter despair of  wanting Reese, even still.

He knocked on the bathroom door and I shook my head violently, flushing  the toilet even though nothing was in it before I stood and ripped the  door open again.

"I have to go."

"Charlie."

Reese followed me through the house as I zipped up my pants and pulled  my hair into a low bun at the nape of my neck. I swiped my coat off the  back of his couch, releasing one corner of our fort in the process. I  pulled my coat on hastily, wrapping my scarf without care around my neck  and holding my hat in one hand as I ripped one of the sheets from the  fort to find Jane's cage beneath it.

"Please, just wait a second. Talk to me."

"I can't. I have to go." My hand was already on the door knob when Reese  slid between me and the exit, bare chest heaving, eyes wild as he  forced me to look at him.

"Damn it, Charlie. Don't do this. Don't just walk out of here like you regret everything."

I needed to throw up. I needed to leave.

"I'm married."

"I know. I know, and I'm sorry, but -"

"This was a mistake, Reese!" I screamed the words louder than I meant  to, and I clapped the hand holding my hat hard over my mouth, shaking my  head as tears flooded my eyes.

He just watched me, eyes flicking between mine as the pain from what I'd said marred his face.

"You don't mean that."

"Please," I screamed again, the sound of my voice muffled through the tears. "Let me go. Please. I have to go. Let me go."

I yanked the door knob and Reese stepped aside, letting me through. I  didn't look back. Not when a sob choked through me in his front yard, or  when I placed Jane in the passenger seat, or when I slid behind the  wheel, swiping at my face frantically and telling myself on repeat to  just breathe.

I threw my car into reverse as soon as it started, peeling out of his  driveway with my heart pounding against the confines of my rib cage. I  could barely see through the tears. I could barely hear myself think.

What have I done?

What have I done?

What have I done?

When I pulled out of Reese's development, I yanked the car over to the side of the road, shoved my door open, and puked.





Reese



There were only a few nights in my life that I wished for sleep so  badly, only because I knew whatever I dreamed would be better than my  reality.                       
       
           


///
       

One of those nights had been after my family passed, and that constant  ache, that persistent desire to be anywhere else and anyone else was  exactly what I felt as I laid in the broken-down fort Charlie and I had  built.

My eyes lost focus on the ceiling above, the small part of it I could  see from where one sheet had fallen down in Charlie's haste to leave.  I'd abandoned the wine and pulled out an old bottle of bourbon, sipping  straight from the bottle until almost three in the morning when I  realized I needed to try to sober up. I had to teach in four hours.