“Roll over.”
She lazily rolled over and reached for the cloth he held but Jonas just smiled.
“Let me,” he whispered and then his hands were between her legs, using the wet cloth to clean the residue of sex from her folds and thighs. He was gentle and thorough, and when he seemed satisfied, he used the other cloth to dry her before heading back to the restroom. She watched him put both in the hamper he had there before coming back into his bedroom.
Her eyes were filled with tears. She couldn’t remember any other guy she’d been with taking the time to clean her. Usually they were the ones flat on their backs on the bed, not moving until they had to. Only Jonas, she thought. And what did that say about her and the men she usually chose to be with?
She watched as he moved around the room, picking up their discarded clothes and folding them before stacking them on his dresser. Finally he turned to face her again and she realized he was nervous. She patted the mattress beside her. This was the Jonas she knew and she was beginning to realize she cared about him a lot more than she’d even thought.
He sat on the bed beside her and just looked down at her. She figured she must look pretty wanton still sprawled naked on top of his comforter. But she’d never been real modest.
“Do you want me to leave?”
“Do you want to?”
“No.”
“Then stay.”
She shifted on the bed so that he could pull the covers down for them to slip beneath. When he was settled beside her she shifted closer, feeling the tension in him. Her hand rested on his chest, stroking over him.
“How long?” she asked.
“How long what?”
“Have you wanted me?”
“Since I saw you at the lake.”
She remembered exactly when he was talking about. She’d been sixteen and finally filling out her bikini. Her brother Jack had been home on leave from the Marines and he’d dragged Jonas to the beach with them. Jonas had kept his T-shirt on with his swim trunks and though he’d played Frisbee with Jack, he hadn’t gotten in the water. But she’d felt him watching her and had done her best to make herself seem sexy and grown. It was that summer when he’d started calling her princess.
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“You were so far out of my league, Jacey. Even then.”
“What?” How could he ever think that she was out of his league? If anything she was the one who wasn’t even close to his league.
He just shook his head. “And then I became your guy friend, the one you used as a sounding board for male behavior. It was too late. I was firmly in the friend slot.”
“I didn’t know, Jonas. I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”
“Shhhh…” He stroked one hand through her hair. He’d slipped his glasses on again and it was almost as if he used them as a shield. “No need to be sorry.”
“All the times I told you things.” She closed her eyes, remembering all the details of her sex life she’d shared with him.
“I used to go to bed, thinking of the stuff you told me,” he whispered. “I’d jack off, imagining it was me doing them with you.”
She laughed and smacked him on the chest. “Pervert.”
“But a faithful one,” he chuckled. “It was always you that I jacked off to.”
She laughed and lightly pinched one of his nipples making him yelp. How it must have hurt him to listen to her stories, to hear of her exploits with other men. How could she have done that to him?
“I’m so sorry,” she said again.
“Don’t,” he said, shaking his head at her.
She sighed. “I was so jealous when I saw you with that redhead,” she admitted. “I didn’t know why it bothered me so much, just that it did.”
“I decided it was time to move on.”
“I was so pissed when you told me to talk to someone else,” she confessed. “I was confused and hurt.”
“I had to move on, Jacey. I couldn’t keep on the way we were.”
She nodded her head in understanding. “I didn’t realize how much you meant to me until then, Jonas. Which should show you how shallow and self-centered I am. I wouldn’t blame you if you kicked me out and never spoke to me again.”
He reached down and wiped a tear off her cheek, making her aware that what she’d been trying to hold at bay was dripping from her eyes.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered softly, shifting down in the bed so that they were face-to-face. “I’d never be able to not speak to you again. Not ever.”
“I’m so sorry, Jonas,” she said, fighting to hold back the sobs. “I never meant to hurt you. I’ve been so stupid, so blind. And I’ve managed to hurt the one person who means the most to me.”