“It’s okay,” he said, feathering her face with kisses.
“No, it’s not. I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve a guy like you.”
“You’re not a bad person, Jacey. I never took the chance to tell you. I figured a part of you was better than none of you. And that was what I would have been left with if I’d told you how much I wanted you and you’d walked away.”
“I could never walk away from you,” she vowed then laughed. “Apparently not even when you tell me to.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Yes.”
“So this isn’t a one-night stand?” he asked her softly. And she deserved the question. Lord knew she’d had enough of them, in fact, had a habit of them.
“I’m hoping you don’t want it to be.” She didn’t know exactly what she did want but she knew she didn’t want only a night.
“I don’t. I love you, Jacey. I have for a long time. I love everything about you, even when you drive me crazy.” He laughed. “Hell, especially when you drive me crazy.”
“You love me?”
“Yeah, Princess, I love you.”
She was crying again. But Jonas just smiled and pulled her close, hugging her tightly. She knew he wasn’t expecting her to say the words back and the truth was that she couldn’t. She wasn’t sure what love was, not love between a man and woman anyways. She loved her friends, her family, but that was all she knew.
Her parents had divorced when she was too little to remember. But from the look on Jack’s face whenever her dad’s name was mentioned she had little doubt that her dad had been a bad person. Her brother never referred to him by name. In fact, unless her mom was present he called him “the abusive bastard”. If her mom was there he didn’t discuss him at all. Her mom loved her and her brother but she’d never dated and Jacey had always thought her mom was a little afraid of men. There’d been a few who showed interest through the years, but her mom never reciprocated.
“You okay?” Jonas asked, pulling her from her turbulent thoughts.
“Perfect,” she said, snuggling closer to him. “I care so much for you, Jonas. I went a little crazy when I thought I might lose you.”
“You won’t lose me,” he said into her hair.
“So where do we go from here?” she asked. She wasn’t good at relationships, never had been. Sex she was good at. Work she was good at. Friendship, she was loyal to the last. But the whole guy-girl love kinda thing, she wasn’t sure of at all.
“Where do you want it to go?” he asked. “I can’t go back to being just friends, Jacey. And I won’t settle for just being your booty call.”
“I wouldn’t do that to you,” she said. “But I have to be honest with you. I don’t know how to do a relationship, Jonas. I have no idea what to do. What the rules are or even if I can follow them.”
“What do you want to do?”
“I want to be with you,” she confessed. “I want to have sex with you. Morning, afternoon, night. Whenever. Wherever. I want you.”
“I want you too, Jacey. But I want more than just sex. I want to take you out. Dinner, movie, or just a walk somewhere. I want to hold your hand, to snuggle on the couch and watch crappy TV shows. I want to wake up with you in my bed, go to sleep every night with you beside me.”
“You want me to move in with you?”
“Yes.”
She could feel the panic wanting to close in around her. The need to run before things got too serious. But she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. Not this time. Not with Jonas. She didn’t know if she loved him, but she did know that she couldn’t lose him.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that,” she admitted.
“It’s okay, Jacey.” He grinned. “I didn’t mean today. I just meant in general, eventually.”
“Oh,” she said, letting her breath whoosh free of her lungs.
He laughed. “No need to go into panic mode and hyperventilate.”
Damn it! How did he know her so well? She sighed. Because he was Jonas and he paid attention, that was why.
“I’m not panicking,” she lied.
“Sure you are,” he disagreed, grinning.
“No, I’m just thinking.”
“Really?” he asked, the skepticism loud and clear in his voice. “And just what is it that you’re thinking about, Jacey?”
“About what other fantasies you’ve had about me,” she said in a husky tone.
“Too many to count,” he said, and those eyes were deep, dark pools again.