In all the many months we’d messed around in secret, I’d fantasized that I could be the one to fall asleep with his arms around me every night, and be the one to slip my hand inside his boxers when he woke, restless, in the night, to soothe him as only I could. I wanted to share meals and laughs, and watch TV together. I wanted to build a life with him.
Instead, I was getting ready for a date with another man. Bryan McDuff—the guy my friend Courtney had set me up with when I finally relented. I’d said yes mostly to get her off my back, and because I didn’t have an answer for why I wouldn’t go. As far as she knew, I was single. And I was. Which haunted me.
I checked my appearance in the mirror. I was dressed in a pair of jeans, sandals, and a long-sleeved T-shirt. The month of October had brought with it cooler air. I’d blow-dried my hair straight and applied light makeup. I was as ready as I’d ever be.
Bryan and I were meeting at an outside park pavilion for a concert. A local bluegrass band was playing tonight, and I’d heard them once or twice. They were pretty good, but mostly I thought this date would be a better venue than sitting across from a strange guy in a quiet restaurant, trying to make conversation. Listening to music, in my mind, equaled less awkward conversation.
At the last second, I thought about backing out, thought about calling the whole thing off. But then I checked my phone and there was still nothing from Shaw . . . so, off I went.
I recognized Bryan from the picture Courtney had showed me and waved at him from across the park as I made my way across the expense of grass separating us.
“Hey, you made it,” he said, sounding surprised.
“Of course. It’s nice to meet you.” I offered him my hand and he shook it. “Should we find somewhere to sit?” Parking had taken longer than I thought and the park was filling up—blankets and lawn chairs were scattered in the area around us.
“Sure. Back here, I was thinking.”
Bryan turned and led the way off to the side of the small amphitheater. I tossed him one end of the beach blanket I’d been holding under my arm, and he helped me spread it out.
“I brought dessert and wine. Hope it’s okay?” Bryan said, settling in beside me.
“That sounds great.” Ten points for being thoughtful. Ten more for being even cuter in person than I’d imagined. He had a dimple on the left side of his mouth when he smiled—which was often.
He opened a small cooler and pulled out two mini-bottles of chilled white wine.
“Hope you don’t mind drinking out of the bottle,” he added, twisting off the top and handing me one.
“Not at all.” I accepted it and took a small sip. It was crisp and refreshing.
“I also hope you don’t mind that I have no idea if this pairs with the wine, but it looked so good I didn’t care.” He smiled again and set a container holding a thick slice of cake, along with two spoons, down on the blanket. “White chocolate cheesecake.”
“That looks amazing.”
I accepted a spoon and we both dug in. I was thankful that so far, there hadn’t been any uncomfortable silences or fumbling attempts at conversation, either. Things were just flowing.
As we shared the dessert, I filled Bryan in on my parents’ inn and the work Jason and I did there, and he told me about the job he was here training for. We talked a little about Courtney, and a little about living on Marathon Key.
Soon the band began to play and the wine worked its magic, relaxing me from the inside out.
Courtney had been right. Maybe this wasn’t so bad.
• • •
After about a two-hour set, the band wrapped up and Bryan walked me to my car. He hugged me good-bye and said he’d like to see me again. I nodded my head and told him I’d had fun. It wasn’t a lie. I had. He wasn’t Shaw, but then again, Shaw wasn’t mine.
All these months I’d told myself that Shaw just wasn’t ready for a relationship. But if he was dating again, I could no longer pretend that was the reason he didn’t want to be with me. Maybe it came down to a simple question of compatibility. I was fine to fuck around with, but not good enough to date.
When I arrived home, the lights inside were off, so instead of going to talk to my brother, I climbed the stairs to my apartment. It was after ten o’clock but I wasn’t yet tired. Maybe I’d call Courtney and give her the play-by-play I was sure she was dying for.
I opened my door and flipped on the lights. The scent of cologne lingered lightly in the air, and I knew I wasn’t alone.
“Shaw?” I turned and saw him standing in the corner of my bedroom.
“Hey, Sunshine. How was your date?”