Wednesday(19)
My phone chimed, signaling a new text. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my phone.
Shaw: So, where were you last night . . . hot date or something?
I chewed on my lip, half of me wanting to lie to him and say yes, make him think I was out with another man. But I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. I swallowed my pride and replied.
Chloe: No, just needed a break.
I wondered how he’d interpret the message . . . that I needed to put some distance between him and me? That I needed some time off from our Wednesdays together? As I reread the words on the screen, my heart sank. It was just the type of response to send him running into the arms of another woman. I felt raw and vulnerable and scared as I waited for his response.
Shaw: Okay.
After that, he didn’t reply and I didn’t know what to type back, so I shoved my phone in my purse and ignored it the rest of the day.
• • •
“Are you sure this is a good idea? He’s leaving in a month, right?” I asked.
“Exactly. That’s why this is perfect. It’s a low-risk commitment with a finite end date. It’s the perfect thing to get you back up on the horse.”
I winced. Courtney sounded like she’d rehearsed this speech before we met. We were sitting inside our favorite coffee shop. The floors were concrete and the walls were lined with shelves of dusty books; there was nothing fancy about it. But they had damn good coffee and the best fresh-baked cinnamon rolls in the world. They were as big as a dinner plate and held a mountain of cream-cheese frosting. I appreciated a hefty frosting-to-cinnamon-roll ratio. Not to mention the whole place smelled like vanilla and cinnamon.
I cut another piece from the breakfast (dessert) we were sharing and licked the frosting from my fork while thinking it over.
“He’s a really nice guy, and cute too,” Courtney said, smiling at me hopefully.
I wanted to answer her, but I hated that my decision hinged on whether Shaw was planning to see that girl Lindsey again. If he was, I knew the best thing to do would be to force myself to move on.
And this guy, Bryan, who was a new marketing associate for the small company Courtney worked for, would be in town for the next month while he shadowed the owner. Then he’d be heading back to Miami, where he’d work remotely.
“Let me see his picture again,” I said.
Courtney typed his name in a social media site and handed me her phone. “He’s adorable. You can’t deny that.”
I studied his features—light blue eyes, longish blond hair that hung into his eyes, a wide smile displaying perfectly straight teeth. God, why couldn’t I feel something looking at him? Intrigue. Hunger. I’d settle for even mild interest.
I shrugged and handed her phone back. “He is cute. I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Your loss. He won’t stay single long. Once word gets ’round there’s fresh meat in town—cute, funny, and has a good job—you know someone will snatch him right up.”
She was right. Pickings were slim around here.
“If you like him so much, you date him,” I fired back, getting slightly annoyed that a girl couldn’t enjoy her massive cinnamon roll in peace.
“I told you, there’s no way. I wouldn’t want to start something with someone I work with.”
I’d wanted to tell her about Shaw and me so many times, and never more than right now. The idea of opening up and unloading this burden off my chest sounded appealing, as did getting some honest advice about what the hell his confusing stops and starts all meant.
But the urge to guard our secret won out, and I changed the subject to the new book I was reading instead. It felt safe. And right now, being safe seemed a hell of a lot more important than following my forbidden dreams.
Chapter Ten
Chloe
Shaw hadn’t texted me again, or called, or swung by. His silence was deafening. And his absence from my days left a hole in my heart. But wandering through my days knowing I was the one who’d driven him away? That stung the worst of all.
Everything was right on the surface, every memory so fresh and raw it stung when I thought of him. But so many of my memories included him. The sight of him in his favorite baby-blue swim trunks when we learned to surf, his green eyes smiling with joy when he caught a wave. Then the darker memories. The vacant look on his face at the funeral as the casket was lowered into the ground. I wanted to take that all away, replace it with new memories.
My heart was my own worst enemy. And the traitorous bitch was playing for keeps. I’d been so desperate to hear him tell me I meant everything to him, to hear him say he couldn’t live without me and dreamed about turning this into something real like I did.