“And how about you. How are you feeling?” he asked after a moment of silence with just a hint of a smirk on his lips.
His question was so unexpected, I stuttered, “W-what do you mean?”
“Is work okay? Business good with the inn?” he asked.
“All that’s fine.”
He nodded. “And your brother?”
“Fine.”
“And your friends?”
“Good.” What is with the game of twenty questions?
He nodded. “And us?”
I sighed, then took a deep breath. I’d feared this was coming. “I’m glad that I can be here for you to help, but—”
“But,” he interjected, his tone solemn.
I swallowed heavily. “But . . . sometimes I wonder if being here for you in that way really helps at all.”
His fingertips raked along my jawline. “You’re all I have.”
It was a rare, sweet moment, and I savored it. “I’m here for you, always will be. It’s just . . .”
“Just what?”
He pulled us down so we were lying down on the mattress. My heart started to pound.
“It scares me sometimes . . . this secret connection we have.”
He gave no reaction, no indication he knew what I was talking about. He just watched me with his dark, hungry eyes.
“I love the way you fuck,” he murmured, trailing his fingertip down my neck. My heart rate spiked, even though I hated how he always managed to turn our encounters sexual. I knew what was coming.
“I have my period,” I said.
“And that’s a problem, why?” His answering grin was predatory and dominating. “You still have two other holes.”
“God, you’re a pig!” I sat up and threw a pillow at him.
“I’m kidding, woman.” He sat up too. “Are you . . . feeling okay? Need anything?”
“I’m fine, Shaw. I’m just not in the mood.” At least that much was true.
“Understood. Does this have anything to do with the other night at Hank’s?”
“No. Of course not,” I lied.
It definitely did, but I wasn’t even sure how to put it into words for him. Our flings had crossed into a gray area that where instead of feeling like I was helping him to heal, it felt like he was merely using me. And what lesson had he been trying to teach me? That he didn’t want me talking to other men? Given our current non-committed status, that wasn’t going to fly with me either.
“I said I was sorry about that, Sunshine.” His tone was softer, the glint in his eyes more sincere. “If I could return the favor to you right now, I would.”
“And you’d expect nothing in return?” I said, challenging him.
“Not a thing.”
Okay . . . now I was even more confused about how to feel. But for the time being, I stuck to my guns. I needed a break to clear my head.
“Honestly, that’s not why I’m here, anyhow.”
“No?” I lifted one eyebrow at him.
“You never responded to my text. I really did feel bad about how I acted at Hank’s. I might have had too much to drink that night.”
I waved him off. “I’m over it, Shaw. Let it be.” It was mostly true. I couldn’t stay mad at him long.
He nodded.
“Do you want to stay for a little while? Have a glass of wine?”
I nodded toward the tiny countertop in what I affectionately referred to as The World’s Smallest Kitchen. My brother had remodeled the one-bedroom suite upstairs last year into a studio by installing a mini-fridge and one stretch of countertop along a wall that held a microwave and my hot plate. Exciting stuff. But at least now I had my own space.
“Sure. Why not?” Shaw shrugged.
I hopped up from the bed and grabbed the bottle of red I’d opened earlier, thinking tonight was going to be a pity party for one. I poured us each a glass and carried them back over to the bed where Shaw was seated.
“Thanks,” he said, taking a sip. I knew he wasn’t a red wine guy, so the fact that he was here, choosing to stay, choosing to spend time with me when sex wasn’t on the table, felt like a big deal.
“Thanks for staying.”
I hated the desperate lilt to my voice, but I had to remember that I’d been strong tonight. There wouldn’t be any sex. Just two friends reconnecting. Maybe this was the way to get him to see there could be more between us.
Maybe.
But it felt like a start. One I didn’t want to squander.
I took a sip of my wine and contemplated what to do, when it suddenly struck me.
I had to do the only thing I knew would ensure I didn’t give in to him. Wednesday night after work, I had to go out.
Chapter Eight
Shaw