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We'll Always Have Parrots(70)

By:Donna Andrews


“They are the envoys of a wise and ancient people,” a nearby Michael clone intoned. “We must approach them with subtlety and discretion.”

I recognized this as one of Michael’s lines from a recent show. A line that, as usual, provoked gales of laughter, not because it was particularly funny in and of itself, but because on the show, after Michael said it to Walker in his most solemn voice, they had simultaneously whirled and punched the two envoys in the jaw. Fortunately the Michael clone omitted the fisticuffs from his rendition.

A thought struck me. I fished out the tape recorder, turned the sound down, queued up the scrap of dialogue in Maggie’s voice, turned the volume back up, and stuck it out in the middle of the group of Amazon guards.

“Porfiria trivia quiz,” I said. “Identify this.”

I played them the snippet, the one where Maggie could be heard saying, “Prepare to die, you—whoops!”

“The Duchess, of course,” one said. “Maggie West.”

“Well, duh,” another said. “But what episode?”

“Play it again, will you?” asked a third.

I backed up the tape and obliged.

“I’ve got it!” the second one said. “It’s from the blooper tape. The Duchess threatening Porfiria in the ‘Portents of Evil’ episode, only this is the take where the Duke tried to draw his sword and hit himself in the chin with it.”

“You’re right!” the first guard said, shaking her head. “Damn, and I just saw the blooper tape again this morning.”

“Great,” I said. “Thanks. That one had us stumped.”

I strolled on, leaving the guard who had answered looking very pleased with herself.

I should have asked Dad where he’d taped the parrot. Odds were it was in or around the fan lounge, where they’d been showing the blooper tape once an hour since Friday morning. Enough repetition for even the slowest of parrots.

As I made my way back down the hall, I passed the vine-draped door to Salome’s room and noticed that someone had put a large CLOSED sign on it.

So if it was closed, why were there voices in there? One male and one female, and it wouldn’t have seemed odd if the male voice belonged to Brad, the keeper, and the female to, say, Maggie. But the male voice was Walker’s.

And the female voice was saying,

“Just leave me alone!”

I ducked under the vines—which required getting down on my hands and knees. Brad’s camouflage efforts were definitely getting out of hand. The vines no longer merely obscured the opening, they practically blocked it. The door itself was slightly ajar, so I put my ear to the opening.

“Please,” Walker said. “You’ve got to tell them!”

“I can’t,” a female voice said.

“If you don’t, I won’t have an alibi,” Walker said. “And I think they’re getting ready to arrest me.”

Aha! Apparently Walker’s luck was changing, and he had found his alibi.

Or had he only found someone he thought would be willing to lie for him?

“Do you know what my boyfriend will do to me if he finds out?”

Aha. Walker’s luck was changing, all right, but not for the better.

“You don’t have to tell your boyfriend,” he said. “Just the police.”

“He’ll find out,” she said. “The last time he got mad at me, he almost broke my nose, and that’s nothing compared to what he’d do this time.”

“Not if you—”

“I have to go!”

I backed far enough away from the door that I could pretend to be only just approaching as she flew out. Far enough, for that matter, to let me take a long hard look at her as she passed by.

Blond, pretty, on the skinny side, maybe early twenties but probably just barely legal—a lot like every other girl I’d ever seen at Walker’s side. Even without the skimpy red harem girl costume, I could probably pick her out of a crowd. But just in case, I took a look at her badge. And a second look, just to make sure I’d read it correctly. Then I ducked under the vines and went into the room.

Salome opened one eye when I entered, then closed it again and apparently went back to sleep, as if to say I wasn’t worth bothering with. Spike, still securely fastened to a post across the room, had curled up very carefully in exactly the same pose as Salome, though he was only pretending to sleep. Occasionally he would lift his head, look over at her, sigh, and put his head back down. I’d probably have found this adorable if I hadn’t known him better. Walker was leaning against a wall, well away from both animals. He acknowledged my arrival with a half-wave and an unconvincing smile.