Laughing, Savannah looks over her shoulder at me as she grabs us each a Solo cup of beer from a guy standing by the keg, “Okay. I promise, for the rest of the night, we will focus on having fun and not getting so drunk that you end up puking on Jaden before anything can happen.”
“Good thinking. That would totally ruin our evening. If you see me getting out of hand, just smack me and remind me of the whole upchucking thing.”
Poking me with her elbow, she smiles and says, “Hey, what are best friends for?”
After dropping Savannah off at her house, Jaden and I drove to the spot that overlooks the entire city of Los Angeles; where all of our friends park to hook-up. I have to admit; the view of the city is breathtaking from up here.
We’re now sitting on the hood of his ‘69 Mustang as I snuggle into his side, admiring the view below. Luckily, everyone is too busy partying on a Friday night to be up here, so we have the entire area to ourselves.
I can’t believe I just lost my virginity in the back seat of his car. Having sex in a car is nothing like they depict in the movies I’ve watched. It definitely wasn’t hot and steamy; more like uncomfortable and awkward. It doesn’t help that his Mustang has a very small back seat!
Jaden was gentle and sweet. It hurt, which I was expecting, but I was hoping it would be more enjoyable than it actually was. There were no fireworks or mind-blowing experiences. Those damn romance novels blow smoke up your ass with all their virgins finally having sex and wanting to pass out from an orgasm.
At least I had talked to a few of my teammates, who warned me how it would really be. They definitely weren’t exaggerating when they told me it would hurt and pretty much suck. But Jaden promised me it will feel better next time.
I still can’t believe we finally did it. My head is reeling at the moment, because, as Jaden was finishing, he gazed down into my eyes with so much love pouring out of them and told me the three words I was praying he wouldn’t say.
When he said he loved me, I froze.
What do you do in that situation? Lie? Or just say it back?
I really like him. I love being with him, but I don’t love him. I’m only sixteen, and we’ve only been dating two months!
I lust for him–I know that for certain.
He more than likely doesn’t even love me; I'm sure he just got caught up in the moment with having his dick buried inside of me, and all. I’ve heard guys and girls get caught up in the moment and say ‘I love you,’ then later realize it was just the hormones talking.
But I did what I think any girl would do in the situation: I ran my fingers through his hair, smiled up at him, and repeated the same three words back to him. I can’t not say it back. That’s just wrong, especially since we were in the middle of having sex for the first time.
Now we’re sitting outside in the warm spring evening and breathing in the fabulous California smog as Jaden hugs me against him in his false sense of lover’s bliss.
“How are you feeling?” Jaden asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.
Snuggling tighter against him, I press a kiss to his cheek and smile up at him. I get lost in his eyes, which are reflecting all of the city lights below us. He is really good looking and the nicest guy I’ve dated so far. I hate that I am not feeling what he is. I feel guilty lying to him.
“Feeling great.” I hug him a little tighter. “I’m glad you were my first, Jaden.”
A sly grin appears on his lips as he stares down at me. “Me, too. I’m sorry it couldn’t be more romantic. I meant what I said earlier…I love you, Brooklyn. I’m not just saying it because you let me take your virginity tonight.”
There go those three words again. I love you. Then he clarifies to me that he really loves me.
Wonderful.
I need to get over my guilt of saying ‘I love you’ to him without meaning it because I am starting to think that he is going to be saying that to me a lot now.
“It may not have been the most romantic spot to some people, but to me it was romantic. So thank you for tonight…and I love you, too.”
After Jaden had dropped me off at my house, I showered, then climbed into bed. The first thing I did was call Savannah. She knows me better than anyone. Thankfully, she understood completely what was going through my head tonight. She reassured me that not feeling the same way he does, does not make me a bad person.
As soon as I get off the phone with Savannah, my phone vibrates, alerting me of a new text. As soon as I open it, I see it’s a text from Jaden:
Tonight was awesome thanks 4 coming 2 the party and for
a memorable night. I can’t wait 2 c u tomorrow.
I <3 U
Jaden