Hadn’t she told him that she’d rather spend her days in an empty house than live the lie of a loveless marriage as her mother and father had? And now she’d admitted to marrying a man she hadn’t loved. Could it be that he was somehow responsible for what she’d done?
He had to know.
“I need sleep, Eric. I canna speak of this now. I canna even bear to think upon it.”
“For a year and a half we’ve avoided speaking of it. I’d have your answers now, Jeanne.” Eric moved to sit beside her. “The day you wed Eymer Horvesson was the worst of my life. After what we shared, you owe me honesty. At the very least, you owe me an explanation as to why you did it.”
“Owe you?” Jeanne sat up, tossing her blanket aside, her eyes flashing with anger. “I owe you nothing! You claim that as the worst day of yer life? I’m so sorry I forced you into finding another foolish maid to take to yer bed. Worst day? Ha! I could tell you a thing or two about what a worst day truly looks like.”
Her anger sparked his, as their emotions had always built upon each other’s.
“Truly? I’d imagine a worst day for you might have something to do with falsely proclaiming yer love for one man while planning to wed another. One you now claim you held no love for, even after all yer protestations about how you would never marry for less than love. I can hardly wait to hear what yer idea of a worst day could possibly be.”
“You want the truth? Then you’ll have it.” She clenched her fists in her lap and took a deep breath. “It’s holding the tiny lifeless body of yer son in yer arms and then watching as the midwife takes him away, leaving you alone with nothing but yer shattered dreams. That’s my worst day, Eric MacNicol. A day such as I would not wish on my worst enemy.”
Eric’s stomach lurched as tears filled her eyes and ran down her cheeks. He reached out for her as her body shook with silent sobs, pulling her into his embrace to comfort her.
What a beast he was to push her like that. Only a selfish, heartless fool would treat the woman he loved in such a thoughtless manner.
And love her he must, because only a fool in love would have such a driving need to know what he had done to lose her.
He held her tightly, stroking a hand through her hair and down her back, wishing he could take away the pain by the strength of his embrace.
It was as if, once her reserve had broken down, she’d lost all control. He had done that to her. He had pierced the armor of her strength and all he felt for having done so was an overwhelming sense of shame.
“Shhh,” he consoled as he continued to stroke her hair. “I had no idea you’d been through such heartbreak, Sweet Jeanne. It’s my own selfish pride what lies behind my pushing you for an answer. Just as it was selfish pride that kept me from coming to you after Eymer’s death.”
“I am all too familiar with the burdens of pride,” she managed between hiccupping sobs.
“But mine was beyond the pale. Selfish and foolish. I loved you, and when you chose another over me, I couldna make my peace with what you did. Not until yesterday, when I saw you topple from the mountain crest and I thought I’d lost you all over again. In that moment I realized, pride be damned.”
She tipped her head back to look up at him, her breath still catching with her emotion.
“I dinna choose another over you, Eric. You rejected me, leaving me no choice at all.”
“How can you say you had no choice?” He kissed her forehead and her eyes fluttered shut. “I loved you then, Jeanne, and I love you still. There’s nothing I can do to change the heartbreak you’ve suffered—the loss of Eymer and his son before him.”