"How dare you make me feel guilty about not wanting to marry someone? Isn't it my choice who I get to spend the rest of my life with? Isn't it?!"
"You will not talk to me that way!" He stood up from the barstool. "We allowed you to come home. To take a year off, to figure out whatever it is you need to figure out. But that didn't mean you can come home to sleep your mornings away and disappear at night. If you are in this house, you have obligations to uphold. Starting with tonight."
"What's tonight?" I questioned.
"I invited William over for dinner."
"Dad! No. You can't involve yourself in my life like that. I already made my decision."
"I don't want to hear it. You're living under my roof which means you will abide by my rules. William is coming over for dinner tonight and you will be here, dressed and with a smile on your face. You got it?"
What was I supposed to do? Throw myself on the floor, kicking and screaming until I was blue in the face. It wouldn't make a difference. "Yeah," I finally said.
"Good." Dad got to his feet and straightened his Rolex. "And I know you think I'm punishing you, and I'm sorry, but one day you will realize that I have your best interest at heart."
"You're right. I do feel like you're punishing me. But, you're also wrong about something. Because I don't think that the day will ever come when I feel like you have my best interest at heart. Forcing me onto someone I don't love is in your best interest and I will never believe otherwise. So, I will dress for dinner. I will be there and be the good obedient daughter you raised me to be. I will even speak to William, but I do not have to and will not act like I'm enjoying it."
I stormed away, and back up the stairs, needing distance from the one man who I always thought I could count on.
* * *
The scent of garlic and spices drifted out from the kitchen, and filled the house. I had changed into my yellow dress, the same one I wore the night I met Cash, and headed into the living room. The dress had always been my favorite, but, since that night, it was a reminder of what it felt like to make my own decisions.
Daddy might have thought he had the upper hand in my life right now, but he couldn't be more wrong. What he didn't know was that I'd grown up since meeting Cash. I wasn't the same naïve girl that I was a few weeks ago. I'd seen and experienced another side of life that I didn't even know existed. I killed a man for God's sake. If that didn't make you see your life in a different light than I didn't know what would. What I did know was that I wasn't going to be daddy's little puppet anymore. I was not going to marry William just because he wanted me to. I wasn't in love with him and I wasn't going to sacrifice myself just to please my father. With that final thought, I readied myself for what was about to come and made my way to the living room,
In the living room, Mom and Dad had already started on their before dinner cocktails. Mom held a martini glass in her hand, and was appropriately dressed in a navy blue dress that fit her slim figure like a glove. A white pearl necklace sat against the dark material, making it the perfect accent.
"Darling, come have a drink," Mom said as I walked into the room. "Larry, get Aubree a martini."
"I don't like martinis," I said.
Mom laughed. "That's nonsense. Who doesn't like martinis?"
"Me," I stated dryly, and Mom tilted her head as if this was information she had never heard before. As if she didn't know that for me olives were the most disgusting thing ever created on this earth. Just the smell alone made me gag.
Dad walked over, and held out a rock glass. "Aubree prefers gin and tonic," Dad said, and I smiled as I accepted the glass. Our eyes caught in a moment of unspoken apologies.
I didn't know who that jerk was from earlier, but this man in front of me right now was my father. He paid attention when I spoke, and actually cared to remember. He knew everything about me, which was more than I could say for my mother. If it wasn't about her, then she really had no use for it unless it was my brother, LJ. He was her baby, and could do no wrong. He stayed at school, and I almost wish he were here for the summer. At least, Mom would be occupied with him. I felt like the only reason I was around lately was to make her look good in front of her friends.
So, when I decided to take a year off, she was the one who was not agreeable. While in school, she could brag to her friends that I had a 4.0 GPA, and that I was on the Honors Council, but now she had nothing. By trying to figure my life out, and where I wanted to be, I was more or less an embarrassment for her. In the beginning, it bothered me, and consumed me with guilt, but now I just didn't care. I didn't need to impress anyone. If there was anything I learned from my time with Cash, it was that we could all die tomorrow and it would mean nothing. The world wouldn't stop spinning, and the early morning sun wouldn't stop shining. Life would go on just as it always did, just the same as it would if I was making Mom proud or not. So, really, it just didn't matter.
"It smells delicious. Martha is really outdoing herself tonight," Dad said, referring to our cook who had been with us since I was six. She was an older woman with gray hair and big rosy cheeks that puffed up when she laughed. I had known her most of my life, and sometimes I felt like she knew more about me than my own mother. She knew I hated olives, and would never put them in the meals she cooked when I was home. She also knew that I loved asparagus, and would incorporate it into as many of the dishes as she could.
"Smells a little too garlicky for my liking, but we shall see," Mom said, and I had to keep myself from rolling my eyes.
The doorbell rang and, even though I knew it was William, I was desperate to get away for a few moments. "I'll get it," I announced, and the happy glint in Dad's eye didn't go undetected.
I went to the door and pulled it open. William turned with his perfectly white teeth on full display. His light brown hair was combed to the side, and he looked the perfect gentleman in a green button-up, tucked nicely into dark tan slacks. Nothing about him said danger. He was as safe as being locked in a padded room.
"Aubree, it's good to see you," he said, and leaned in giving me a kiss on my cheek. He smelled of bergamot and lemon, a scent that used to turn me on, but now did nothing for me. He lingered for longer than necessary and, in an attempt to distance myself, I stepped out of the doorway.
"It's good to see you too, William," I said as he came inside, and I eased the door shut behind him. "My parents are having cocktails if you'd like to join them." I turned on my heel and went to go back to my gin and tonic when William's hand wrapped around my wrist, halting me.
I spun toward him, and looked into his familiar brown eyes. "I want you to know this was your father's idea. I didn't want to come. I want to give you the space you asked for, but he is a very persuasive man."
"I appreciate that," I said. "And I understand. It's okay. Really, it is. Come on. Let's go have a drink."
His hand slid down my wrist, and he laced his fingers with mine, staring down at our hands together before looking back up at me. "I miss you," he said, and I could hear the raw emotions in his tone. See the longing in his eyes.
He would always be my first everything: kiss, love, sexual partner. I was in love with him once, and I wondered if it was possible to be able to fall back in love.
Maybe Dad was right. Maybe you could learn to be in love with the person you were with.
William and I had grown up together, and had been there for each other through it all. I may not have been in love with him anymore, but that didn't mean I didn't love him because I did. He was my past and, because of that, he was a part of me and always would be. There was nothing I could do that would change that. And, before we were lovers, we were friends. I cherished that friendship and the fun we used to have.
I squeezed his hand and smiled. "I miss you, too."
We walked into the family room, and Dad had a glass of scotch waiting for William. They greeted each other as if they hadn't just seen each other this morning at the club. Then, Mom attacked with her two-cheek kiss nonsense.
Dad and William discussed their round of golf, complimenting each other's swings. The conversation eventually shifted to something Mom and I could contribute to.