“There were four of them in the car,” she explained, pressing a tissue against her nose. “Kevin, Perry…Perry’s girlfriend, Shandre’…and Clayton. You remember Clayton? He lives in the next street.” Max nodded and after wiping her eyes, she continued. “The car spun out of control. Perry flew through the windscreen. They found…they found Shandre’s body in a ditch and Clayton is still in ICU.”
“What about Kevin, Ma?” Worry escalated inside him. His mother had only told him about Perry. She had said nothing about the other passengers and he had automatically assumed that Kevin was okay.
“He has a deep gash down his forearm.”
Max exhaled a breath of relief, but thinking about the way Perry died brought more sorrow to the forefront.
“He was the only one that came out unharmed,” she said, “and I think the guilt is killing him. He refuses to talk to me. And every time I try to talk to him, he snaps. He’s traumatized…I understand that. I just wish he wouldn’t shut me out.”
Max only nodded. A different reaction from Kevin would have surprised him. The only thing he did naturally was shut people out. His mother had always tried to get him to open up and all she ever received in return was venomous retorts. She pushed too hard and Kevin pushed right back.
Max understood then the depth of her grieving. Perry was gone and that was devastating, but losing Perry meant that they had lost Kevin, too. He was never going to recover. His best friend had been taken away from him and although Max did not understand completely, he could relate. After all, it had not been too long ago that he had sat in the hospital, praying at the bedside of his best friend.
Although he knew it was a bad idea, he looked at his mother and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I’ll go talk to him.”
She smiled her gratitude and he walked down the corridor to Kevin’s bedroom. He didn’t knock because he knew he would be asked to go away. He walked in and found Kevin sitting on the bed. It could not really be called a bedroom.
When Max had left home to study in LA, his parents had knocked down the wall between his bedroom and Kevin’s and converted it into a full-on man-cave, complete with pool table, fooze ball table and a flat screen TV. Large posters of Beyonce’ and Jennifer Lopez covered one wall while his swimming medals were neatly displayed in a cabinet against another. Even though Kevin was the last of his siblings left at home, there was two of everything in there. Two beds, two bean bag chairs, two gaming controls. Another testament of how often Perry came over.
Kevin did not look at him when he entered the room. Instead, he ran a quick hand over his wet face and turned his head in the other direction, not wanting Max to see his reddened cheeks and puffy eyes.
Kevin never showed weakness by crying. Actually, he never showed any kind of emotion, but Max knew all the tell-tale signs. Balled fists, tight jaw and then he clasped his hands at the back of his head. He recognized it because these were things they both did, their natural reaction to anxiety, anger or hurt. Kevin’s body language told him that he was feeling all of those emotions at once.
Max didn’t say anything because his brother needed to be dealt with delicately and he wanted to avoid the landmines.
Kevin was different from the rest of them in every way. All his siblings – Jordan included – were tall and somewhat skinny. Kevin was much shorter and attributed his muscular frame to the fact that he was the only one who had any hand-eye co-ordination. While all of them excelled in academics, he excelled in sports. But the defining difference was his personality. Although Kevin had a light-hearted sense of humor, he wasn’t open like the rest of them. He used his sharp tongue as protection to keep everyone at a distance and this was why Max decided to proceed with caution.
Remaining silent, he switched on the TV and gaming console, then reached for the controls. He sat down, choosing to sit on the floor instead of the bean bag chair that used to belong to Perry.
Long, drawn out minutes passed before Kevin moved off the bed. No eye contact. No exchange of greetings. Just simple wordlessness as he sat down on the floor beside Max. As he reached for the other control, Max noticed the thick, white bandage on his forearm and was reminded yet again of how quickly life can take an unexpected turn and how grateful he needed to be for second chances.
They continued playing for hours, moving between games once they became boring. Their mom came in at lunch time and left sandwiches and chips on the floor in front of them.
“Thanks, Mom,” Max muttered, not wanting to disturb the quietness too much.
His brother ignored her and continued thumbing the controls. Max nibbled a bit but Kevin refused to eat anything.
It was late evening when Max finally thought it was safe to speak. “You wanna talk, Kev?”
Kevin’s jaw immediately clenched and his nostrils flared slightly with annoyance. He didn’t respond, though, and Max could hear him grinding his teeth. It was an irritating habit from early childhood, but he didn’t complain because he knew what that ugly sound meant. It was a mechanism Kevin used to stop himself from crying.
“I know this is hard for you. Perry was—”
His hands tightened around the controller. “Max.”
It was a sharp whisper to reinstate the silence and Max did not know what kind of acerbic retort waited on the other side of his stilted pause. Kevin had never snapped at him before, but there was a part of him that thought it would happen today.
His brother turned to face him, his deep blue eyes lined with tears and burning with anguish. “You’re my brother,” he said, his voice low and unsteady. “You already know how I feel…and I know how you feel…so there’s no need to talk about this. And if you mention his name again, I’m gonna ask you leave.”
Max nodded. That wasn’t the verbal lashing he was expecting but it made him understand his role in the situation. Kevin hadn’t played video games all day for the entertainment. He had done it for the distraction. And he hadn’t allowed Max to sit in his room for so long because he intended to open up. He had kept Max there because he wanted the silent comfort, the pillar of strength only a brother could provide.
* * *
Max awoke the next morning, his body stiff from having slept on the floor. Kevin was already up. Actually, his red, tired eyes suggested that he hadn’t slept at all. He had returned to his spot on the bed; staring out the window, and Max took that as his cue to leave. He closed the door of the man-cave, quickly brushed his teeth and washed his face before pulling out his cellphone.
He called Danny, spoke to her for a few minutes then walked to the living room. His three nieces and two nephews were in there, running around like they were high on sugar, cartoons blaring on the TV. The noise pinched his tired brain.
If the kids were here, Dominic and Shane had to be around somewhere but as his eyes searched the room, the only adult he spotted was a man he had never seen before. He was neatly dressed in a gray suit and tie, arguing with his niece, Makayla, about how many lady birds she had on her dress. Makayla was becoming more irritated and Max thought it best to not get involved in their squabble.
He walked into the kitchen and his mood lifted instantly. Running from the door, he leaped up and caught Jordan in a choke hold as he landed.
“Max,” she yelled. An annoyed snort burst from her mouth as her small fists jabbed into his ribs. All that got her was a series of noogies.
“Mom!”
“Max, let go of your sister.”
He let her out of the choke hold but kept his arm around her shoulder. “Hey, Jo-jo,” he said, slapping a quick kiss on her cheek before turning to his mother. “Momma, how come you always take her side?”
“Because I’m her favorite,” Jordan stuck out her tongue and adjusted her glasses, which had shifted on impact.
“Now, Jordan Alberta,” his mother reprimanded, “enough of that. I have five children and I love all of you equally. I don’t have a favorite.”
“Except Kevin,” Jordan and Max chanted together.
“Well…yes,” she admitted sheepishly. “Except Kevin.”
“Who’s the stiff in the suit?” Max asked, pointing his thumb towards the living room. “Looks like it’s gonna come to blows with him and Makayla. The argument seemed pretty intense when I saw them.”
Jordan’s bluish-gray eyes widened behind her glasses. “What? She’s only three years old, Max. Why didn’t you do something?”
“’Cause my money’s on her.”
“I’ll go check on them,” his mother offered and left the kitchen.
“So where’s Danny?” Jordan asked once they were alone.
Max nipped his lower lip. “I didn’t want her meeting everyone at a time like this. Who’s the guy in the suit?”
“You’re lying! Why didn’t you bring her?”
“It’s complicated, Jo-jo. Who’s the guy in the suit? Is he the one you were obsessing over?”
“You tell me then I’ll tell you.”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“Bullshit! You and Danny are attached at the hip. So where is she?”
Max walked to the other side of the kitchen and began preparing two cups of coffee. “You first.”