* * *
It had been a week and still he couldn't get her out of his mind. What on earth had possessed him to visit her room that night? Worse, what had made him take her back to his and then, in the morning, tell her in no uncertain terms to keep taking her pill? He'd had no right to any of that, a fact he'd reminded himself of constantly these past seven days as he'd forced himself to keep his distance. It hadn't stopped him wanting her, though, or remembering in excruciatingly vivid detail their night-and morning-together.
From his vantage point out in the garden he watched her sleeping in the window seat of the family room. She had a sketch pad on her lap and an array of colored pens spilled across the cushion she lay on. Her hair lay in a swathe across one cheek. Hair he knew was silky soft and carried a scent he found unique to her.
In sleep she looked peaceful, as if she no longer bore the weight of the world on her capable shoulders. His fingers tingled as he remembered how her skin had felt beneath them. How smooth and warm. She was so alive, so giving. Try as he might, he could not help but be pulled into her magnetic sphere.
She'd become a part of his every day in ways he had never imagined. Ways he never wanted or expected to imagine. But more, he now found himself wanting her to become a part of his nights, as well. Just one night with her had been nowhere near enough. He'd barely slept ever since for the memories of her in his arms, in his bed, crowding his thoughts. Replaying, time and again, the exquisite sensation of sliding into her body, feeling her welcoming heat, watching her shatter from the pleasure of his touch.
There'd been no recriminations from her. Not even when he'd treated her so bluntly these past few days. Ill-tempered and filled with mounting frustration, his fuse had been short and he hadn't been afraid to show it or to use it to push her away. She wasn't a fool, she'd read the signals. As a result, he'd noticed that she and Ruby had spent a lot of time away from the house and, dammit, he'd missed them-both of them.
As if Alexis sensed his observation of her, she stirred. A few of her pens slid off the cushion and onto the floor. They must have made some noise because she startled awake and moved to grab her pad from following in the same path. The sketch pad reminded him that she'd put her life on hold to come here.
He'd never have asked her to do that-to simply walk away from her growing business to look after a child who would have been fine with a different nanny, and a man who was perfectly capable of looking after himself. Things had been rolling along just fine here before her arrival-at least that's what he'd tried to convince himself. He knew, though, in all honesty, they hadn't.
What made someone do what she had done? he wondered. Simply shelve, at least for a little while, their own dreams and goals to help out someone else. Was it a lack of self-respect or belief? No, he knew she had self-respect, but she also had a big and giving heart. He'd seen it in the way she'd so quickly grown attached to Ruby.
He continued to watch as Alexis stood up and stretched, the movement pulling her long sleeved T-shirt upward, exposing the soft skin of her belly. In answer, his flesh stirred, reminding him that he'd been trapped in this awkward state of semiarousal this past week. He wanted her, but he didn't want the complicated hang-ups that came along with having her. And if he knew anything about Alexis Fabrini it was that she had a power of emotion stored up in that enticing body of hers. She deserved someone who could match her, physically and emotionally.
He had no space left in his heart for emotion.
He turned and pushed through the edges of the garden and strode out toward the winery. Somehow he had to find a release for all the pent-up energy having sex with Alexis had created. Somehow, he didn't think finishing labeling the wine bottles he was ready to put down would be enough.
Nine
Several hours later he was surprised at the sense of satisfaction he felt while recording the number of bottles of Pinot Noir he'd spent the better part of the day labeling. This wine was his best yet. While he was probably only looking at four hundred cases in total, he was sure that they would be integral in helping to establish his Benoit Wines label. If he could continue to ensure the same quality, and better, year after year, his reputation would be made.
The sound of the winery door creaking open surprised him and he looked up to see Alexis walking through the tasting room toward his small office. The late afternoon sun was weak, yet it still struggled through the windows as if determined to bathe her in shades of golden ocher. His body responded accordingly, again stirring to unwelcome life. His pulse beat just that bit faster, his gut clenched just that bit tighter.
She was alone, a fact that immediately put him on the offensive-the easiest way, he'd found, to cope with this unnerving awareness of her each time she was within a few meters of him.
"Where's Ruby?" he asked, his voice gruff.
"She's having a playdate with Jason over at Matt and Laura's. I'll pick her up in an hour."
"An hour?"
Raoul raised an eyebrow, his mind filling with all manner of things he could enjoy with Alexis in the space of sixty minutes. Just as quickly, he tamped those visions back where they belonged.
"Yes, the kids seem to get along in as much as they can socialize at this age. And, anyway, it's good for her to get out of the house. I said I'll do the same for Laura one day next week. I hope you don't mind. I'm sorry, I probably should have discussed it with you first."
Alexis seemed determined to justify herself to him. Was that what he'd reduced her to? Someone who constantly felt they had to make apology for their actions? He knew Matt and Laura well, he trusted them implicitly.
"If you think it's best for Ruby, it's fine. Did you want me for something?"
"I wanted to see if you're planning to have dinner with us tonight. If not, I'll put yours in the warmer."
"The warmer is fine."
She sighed, and the sound acted like a torch to touch-paper.
"What?" he demanded.
She shrugged. "Nothing."
"No, you sighed. There's something bothering you. What is it?"
"Well, if you must know, I'm sick of you avoiding me, avoiding us. Is it because we slept together or is it something else I've done?"
He was about to refute her accusation but, in all honesty, he couldn't.
"I don't want you to get the wrong idea, that's all," he muttered.
"Wrong idea? Oh, like romance and candles?" Alexis laughed. It was a brittle sound that plucked at something deep inside him-made him feel unexpectedly ashamed for putting that sarcasm in her tone. She was the kind of woman who deserved both romance and candles-and more.
There was a cynical twist to her mouth as she continued. "Don't worry, Raoul. I know where I stand. I don't care so much for myself, but your withdrawal and your mood this week has been really bad for Ruby. Whether you like it or not, she's your daughter. When are you going to accept your responsibilities toward her?"
He bristled. "She's fed, isn't she? She's clothed and sheltered. What else does she want?"
"Love. Your love."
He got up from his chair and pushed a hand through his hair. "She doesn't need me. She has you, she has Catherine. I make sure she has what she needs, it's your job to provide it."
"It's not enough, Raoul."
"It has to be. That's all I have to offer her."
"I disagree."
"Really? You think you know me better than I know myself?"
"I think I know what you're capable of, and this ice-man act isn't you. It isn't the real Raoul Benoit."
"Oh, and just who is?" he answered scathingly.
She stepped forward until she was directly in front of him-so close he could feel the heat of her body. It was as if his own sought and craved it, as if deep down he longed for her warmth. He pushed the thought away. It would be a cold day in hell before he ever admitted to needing someone again. Alexis held his gaze as she lifted a hand and put it on his chest, over where his heart suddenly did a double beat at her touch.
"He's the man inside here. The one you won't let out. I don't know why you've felt the need to lock him away the way you have, but it's time to let him out. Don't you think he's done enough penance now? Don't you think you deserve to live your life?"
He pushed her hand away but the imprint of it had already seared through his clothes and into his skin. She had that effect on him. She could get beneath the layers and slide deep inside.