“I don’t love him, Rick. I only love you.”
Rule number one: Lie. Make him believe that everything will be okay.
He looked up at me and grabbed my face. I closed my eyes and pretended it was Conner touching me. Tears ran down my eyes and I smiled to pretend they were happy, but they weren’t. “You really still love me? After everything I’ve done to you?”
I kept crying my agonizing tears and forcing a smile as I nodded my head. “I do, Rick. I just didn’t want to hurt anymore.”
“Oh baby, I didn’t mean any of the awful things I said and did to you. I swear I’m going to change. Everything is going to be better. I promise.”
He kept hugging me. “What happened to make you want us again?”
He sat back in his chair and continued to shed tears. “I’m miserable on the road all the time. I just can’t do it anymore. I hate the new job. Last night was the final straw. I gave them my notice. I’m just going to find something nine to five that’s close to home. I wanted to tell you last night, but you never came home. God, it hurt me so much. I never knew how it felt for you until I felt it for myself. I’m just so sorry, baby. I’m so so sorry.”
I reached my arm across the table and put on a fake smile. “Are you sure I’m what you really want?”
“More than anything. I still love you so much. I’m going to prove it, Amy.”
I squeezed his hand. “I hope so.”
We sat in the kitchen for a while longer before he went into our room and went to sleep, while I got ready for work. I think I was still trembling as I pulled out of my driveway and headed to work.
The real tears didn’t hit until I got about a mile from the house. I actually had to pull over because I couldn’t see to drive. My secret phone started to vibrate in the center console and I just couldn’t answer it. Conner would not be okay with me pretending to work things out with Rick, but after he carried on a relationship with Heather, he really didn’t have a say in my decision. Besides, I needed to keep my relationship with him separate. He already agreed to give me space and I needed to take advantage of that.
I was taught to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. That was exactly my plan.
I was going to throw myself into my pathetic marriage until I could catch Rick in one of his famous lies. When I had enough dirt to bury him, I could walk away and never have to worry about him again. I could keep my business and start a fresh life with Conner.
My plan seemed flawless in my head, at least for the first couple hours, but Conner was going to be hard to lie to, when he worried about me every second. After he tried to call me three times, I finally answered.
Hello
Blaze, I’ve been tryin’ to call you all mornin’. Are you okay?
Yeah, I’ve just been busy. I’m fine I promise.
Somethin’s wrong.
No, it’s not! I promise. Everything is fine. Go back to work and do something for a change.
I work my ass off and you know it. Don’t make me come to that salon and spank you in that back room. I ain’t got a problem with takin’ an extra hour for lunch.
It must be nice being the boss.
I like bein’ in control.
Conner, I love you.
Now I know somethin’s wrong.
No, everything is alright. Rick is home though so it’s not good if you show up here. Can I call you before I go home?
Does he know you spent the night with me?
Stop worrying. If something was wrong I would tell you.
You better, Amy. Don’t you dare go and do somethin’ stupid. You get a hair up your ass and end up with a black eye and I will kill that mother fucker.
There is no hair up my ass. I just wanted to tell you that I loved you. If you don’t want me to say it I won’t.
Nah, keep sayin’ it. I like the way I can picture your lips when it comes out of that pretty little mouth of yours. Then I start thinkin’ about what else you can do with your mouth. Then I end up in the bathroom for the next twenty minutes.
Conner!
Just kiddin, darlin’, it only takes five minutes if I’m thinkin’ of you.
I think that’s a compliment.
You should feel special. I don’t beat off to just any girl.
I’m hanging up now.
I’m hangin’ on. Love ya, Blaze.
Love you too!
I hung up the phone and stared at it for a couple minutes. I should have called him back and told him about my plan, but I needed him to be safe. This was my way of protecting the man that I was in love with from the man I wasn’t.
Chapter 29
Conner
The first morning after Amy came up with her new rules, I wasn’t sure what I wanted more. Her or a pill.
I should have known something was up with her when she wouldn’t answer my calls. Then when she finally did, I could tell by her voice that something was going on.