"You know my choice! How could you even think that I don't want to be with you completely? That's all I want."
I noticed that the radio had been playing the whole time when the truck got quiet. Some rock song that I didn't recognize was playing and Conner patted his fingers against the steering wheel to the tune. I really looked at him while he stared out into the night. He was mine. This handsome beautiful man had my heart and all he was asking was for me to be with him. I didn't care that he'd taken a pill, but I did need to make sure I was never the reason he wanted to do it again. "I want to be with you and never have to look behind my back again. I have a plan but it may take a couple of months. I'm not going to stop seeing you or being with you. I don't give a shit about the Heather thing anymore, as long as it’s really over with. I'm tired of us not being on the same page. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep thinking about you."
He grabbed my arms and pulled me over to him, while reaching around and guiding me to straddle him. The steering wheel was stuck in my back, so I leaned my body right against his chest. "I don't want to ever make you cry, Amy. I want you to know you're loved every damn day. I can wait out your plan so there are no loose ends, but I can't promise you that I will be patient."
"I don't expect you to be." I leaned into him and pressed my lips over his. As I pulled away, I noticed just how out of it he was. "Are you going to want to take another pill?"
He shrugged and leaned back in his seat. "Probably. I don't think it will be as bad as the withdrawals before, but it won't be fun for a couple days."
"Stay with me tonight." Yeah, it was a horrible idea, but Rick was off in another state and he still had a whole day of driving before he dropped off the load. As long as I was able to sneak him into the house, it would be fine. Since it was dark, the neighbors would already be in bed.
"That ain't smart."
I ran my hands over his cheeks. "Please let me take care of you."
He pulled his keys out of the ignition and put them in my hand. "I'm not in any shape to drive. If you think it's safe we can go there, if not I will pay for a room. Just drive me somewhere."
After switching to my car, I decided it would be safer if we just went to the hotel. The clerk gave me dirty looks when I came in with Conner's ID, but since we'd been there before she didn't question it. By the time we'd gotten there Conner was in bad shape. He couldn't keep his eyes open and had told me he'd finished off the bottle of whiskey right before I arrived to meet him.
He was fucked up and I wondered if he would even remember our conversation.
Once I got him into the room, he plopped face first onto the bed.
I pulled off his shoes and removed his pants. As difficult as it was, I was able to get him to get under the covers and at least use a pillow.
I started taking off my clothes and climbed into bed beside him. When I wrapped my arms around him he started laughing.
I reached my hand and found his to thread our fingers together. "What's funny?"
"We can't have sex tonight, darlin'."
"I wasn't trying to. Why is that even funny?"
He kept laughing. "My dick can't take anymore tonight. Not after the poundin' it went through earlier."
I swear I literally stopped breathing for a second. Now, I knew all about drunk people and how they ran their mouths about things they shouldn't. That wasn't what hurt me.
I knew there was a chance they were going to have sex, but when he said it the way he did, it stabbed me right in the heart. I was lying next to a man that had been with another woman just hours before. I pulled away from him and immediately started to cry.
So much for being strong.
He grabbed my hand and tried to pull me back against him. "Are you jealous? You want me to fuck you like that? I'll give you whatever you want, darlin'."
I kept telling myself it was because he was stoned. He would never hurt me like that.
But he was...
Tears streamed down my eyes. "Shut up! So help me God, I will leave your ass here all alone if you don't shut up right now."
"Don't be jealous."
"I'm not!"
He sat up and turned in my direction. He couldn't even keep his eyes open when he talked. I watched him lift his arms and point to me. "You are so."
I could barely speak I was crying so bad. "Did you wear protection, Conner? Please tell me you did."
He scrunched his face up. "How could you even ask me that, Blaze?"
"I want a straight answer."
"Yes. You're the only woman I've ever been with and not used somethin'. I told you that the first time we were together. After feelin' how much better it felt, I never wanted to wear one again, but yeah, I wore protection. Not that you have to worry about me givin' you something from Heather. I'm afraid if she has somethin' you and I may already have it."