The sting of rejection was bad enough. The fact his rejection came with a flash of desire in his eyes, because he clearly was interested in me in the romantic sense, made his words downright painful.
But what could I do? If he didn’t want to start something with me, I wouldn’t be able to persuade him otherwise. Not when his career was on the line.
With a nod, I said, “I get it.”Though my heart didn’t seem to. The tightening in my chest was almost unbearable. And my legs trembled again when I stood, as though my body was about to quake from my disappointment and consternation.
My stomach churned. I’d had high hopes for this evening. I’d thought about little else since Taylor had agreed to hand over the story. Now I regretted pushing her into it, because it would be so much better to not know about the chemistry that existed between Carter and me, when he had no intention of doing anything about it.
I recalled how agonizing it had been those last few weeks of my senior year, following prom, when Carter had smiled or winked at me in the hallways, but had never broached the subject of our last-dance kiss. He hadn’t asked me out afterward, or given any indication he’d wanted to date me over the summer, before he went off to Notre Dame.
Suffering through that heart-wrenching reality had been a breeze compared to how I felt now. We were adults and I was no longer Tink. And here was Carter, single and drop-dead gorgeous. Yet we may as well be on different continents for all the figurative distance he’d just put between us.
I scooped up my belongings and headed to the door, rushing off the way I had after his kiss at prom, humiliation gripping me.
He stopped me this time as he simply said, “Cherish.”
Turning back to him, I squared my shoulders and lifted my chin, fighting the urge to slink off and cry, though the threat of tears stung my eyes.
“Don’t worry about it, Carter.” I was devastated he’d dismissed the attraction between us, but I wouldn’t let on. “I’ve always wished the best for you. That hasn’t changed. I hope you have a great season and the surgery is successful.”
“What about our interview?”
Though it nearly devastated me, I said, “I think your idea is a good one. Let’s keep it professional. We can talk in the locker room. Just like you’ll do with every other reporter looking for a story.”
His jaw clenched. He seemed to swallow down a hard lump of emotion as a tortured look crossed his face. I couldn’t stand to see it, so I turned away.
As I reached for the door handle, he said, “Wait.”
I glanced at him over my shoulder. “Why?”
He shook his head, then lifted his hands in the air in apparent exasperation. “Jesus, Cherish. I don’t want you to leave.”
I sighed in sheer agony. I felt I was so close to having something I’d wanted for over ten years, but I still couldn’t wrap my fingers around it. Hold on to it. Savor it. I was the one being tortured.
“I know this is an asshole thing for me to say, Carter, but I don’t want to just be old acquaintances. I could be friends with you in high school because I never had any hopes we could be more than that. But tonight… I can see there’s a possibility. And knowing it exists, while also knowing it’ll never happen…” My eyes squeezed shut for a moment as I pulled in a sharp breath and then let it out. “I can’t pretend I don’t want you. I’m sorry.”
“I can’t pretend either,” he said in a gruff voice. The tormented look remained in his eyes, though it was tinged with heat as he confessed, “I want you, Cherish.”
Chapter Two
Oh how my gut twisted as those words crawled under my skin.
I should have been thrilled to hear them, but instead found them horrifically painful. Carter could tell me a million times over he wanted me—but I could see in his eyes he wasn’t inclined to do anything about it.
I’d never experienced sexual frustration before. The truth was, prior to this evening, I could take or leave sex. I didn’t mind my lengthy dry spells, because I’d never really sparked with a man so vehemently, I couldn’t imagine not sleeping with him. Until now.
Kissing Carter had been a monumental mistake. One I couldn’t take back. I’d always know how much passion and desire existed between us, but I’d never have more than lingering memories to haunt me for another ten years. Likely longer than that.
“Cherish,” he said, “I’m trying to be fair. You’ve completely derailed me tonight. I wasn’t expecting to see you and when I did, I couldn’t control how much my body responded to you. That kiss shouldn’t have happened, but then again… I wanted it to. I wanted to kiss you when you were in my arms on the patio. Even though I know it’s not right.”