Wanted: A Baby by the Sheikh(50)

He felt his heart would break as he looked down at her and pictured her trying to fit into the superficial world of the rich and famous, imagined her being taken advantage of.

“I’m angry because I failed you. I should have been there. I didn’t follow you—probably a combination of my stupid pride and the realization that your reaction was quite reasonable when seen from your perspective—and I should have. And we’ve both paid the price.” He looked down to find his hands had moved of their own volition and were stroking her upper arms. “Why didn’t you tell me, Taina? Why?” He didn’t recognize his voice—made hoarse by the pain he was trying so desperately to rid himself of.

“Because I was scared.” A tear trickled down her cheek.

“Why? Scared of what? Surely I’m not worse than a rapist?”

Her breath hitched as she tried to calm herself, tried to stop the tears. “Of course not.” She closed her eyes as if trying to put herself back in that time. “To begin with”—she opened her eyes, looking stronger now—“I thought it must have been my fault somehow. I believed what... he said to me. And then, later, I thought it’s best forgotten. That’s what we always did in my house when I was growing up. If something nasty happened, like finding Mama drunk on the sofa, it was covered up. Next morning back to normal, nothing said. So that’s what I thought I’d do.” She fought back more tears. “And then my body changed and I ignored it for too long. Abortion was no longer an option by the time I was forced by my doctor to face the fact that I was pregnant. So I went away. To the Far East. Singapore.”

“You left no trace.”

“No. I have access to my own funds from my mother’s inheritance. I used those. Kept quiet. Told no one except the hospital and waited. Day in, day out, watching my body change. And hating it. Just waiting for the day when my body would expel the invader, and it could be adopted out, and I could get on with my life.”

“You saw no one you knew? You had no one with you?”

“Just paid help.” She half-laughed. “Much like my time growing up. It wasn’t so strange for me.” She looked up at him with those violet eyes. “But being pregnant was. I hated it.”

“So what happened?”

“The usual. On the due date I had the baby. A difficult birth. You wouldn’t have recognized me—cursing and swearing and a total mess. And then...”

There was a long pause and he tilted her chin so the dappled light moved upon her creamy skin. “And then she arrived. I called her Mimi, after my mother. I wasn’t even going to name her but she arrived, and some nurse who didn’t realize I wanted to adopt the child out placed her to my breast, and Mimi looked up at me and stared at me. Apparently not many babies do that. But Mimi did. It was like she was saying ‘Don’t you dare let me go. Don’t you dare’. One of the nurses said she had the eyes of an old soul.”

“What did she mean?”

“Like she’d already lived, I suppose. She certainly had knowing eyes, like she could see right into you. There was no way I was going to let her go. It wasn’t even a decision I had to think through. I knew it viscerally. Like she’d planted the thought in my head and my whole being agreed. There was no question about it.”

The memories must have taken over because Taina stopped talking and Daidan wove his hands through her hair and brought her against him. Just holding her, giving the only comfort he could, himself. There was no sound except for the birds in the trees around them and a distant sound of a motor boat out in the Gulf. It was all so familiar and yet felt different now. Like they’d turned a corner, like he was looking at everything with new eyes.

She looked up at him suddenly and tears were streaming down her face. “They told me there were complications. But she looked so perfect I didn’t believe them at first.”

“What kind of complications?”

“Mimi had a heart defect. I thought, I have money, we’ll get it cured.” She clamped her quivering lips together, but it didn’t stop the tears from falling. “Turns out I couldn’t. They let me take her back to my apartment for a few weeks at the end. I think I kidded myself that it was all okay, that the nurse was just there as a precaution. But I knew really. I knew. And she died in my arms.”

Taina couldn’t hold back the emotion any longer and lifted her head and let out a long howl that sent shivers down Daidan’s spine. Then she pounded his chest with her fists and slumped against him and sobbed and sobbed as she should have sobbed all those months ago.