Her daed frowned. “That is a terribly sad story.”
“It is. I know Brandon’s life was in the Lord’s hands, but I do feel guilty for never reaching out to him before. Anyway, now poor Holly is all alone, and I can’t let her be. I want to be her friend again, if it’s not too late.”
“It’s never too late, I don’t think,” her daed said. “What you are doing takes courage.”
“I don’t feel brave, but I do feel better now that I am not hiding secrets any longer.” Looking around the room, she felt the soothing comfort of her Savior. “I don’t want to be a shell of a person anymore. I don’t want to be just the happy Katie who tries hard. I want to be seen as whole…even if everything I am isn’t so good.”
Hesitantly, she looked to her mother. Her mother was the best person she knew. Back when she was sixteen, when she’d thought she couldn’t ever measure up, she hadn’t even tried. But she’d always wanted her approval. Now she just asked for understanding. “I’m sorry I wasn’t what you wanted me to be.”
“You are exactly what I hoped you would one day be, child. A woman stepping forward. Reaching out. I like this Katie, I think.”
Suddenly, admitting her past didn’t feel so terrible. It wasn’t shameful anymore. Katie realized those past hurts were about a different person. A person other than herself.
That person had shame and self-doubts and fears about her future. The person she’d become felt different. Oh, she had the same wants, but they were deeper and more meaningful than a mere desire to seek belonging. Now she had a sense of peace within her soul, and the knowledge that no matter what happened, she already had obtained the forgiveness of her Father. And He still wanted her. “Let that therefore abide in you, which ye have heard from the beginning,” she murmured, quoting 1 John.
Reaching out for her hand, her mother finished the verse. “That which ye have heard in the beginning shall remain in you. You shall continue in the Son and in the Father.”
It was very true. No matter what had happened in their past, everything was going to be all right. The doorbell rang. “That will be Holly.”
Her father stood up. “I’m looking forward to meeting her.”
As the doorbell rang again, she left the hearth room and quickly stepped across the foyer. As soon as she opened the door, Katie said, “Hi, Holly. Please come in.”
Hesitantly, her friend stepped through the threshold. “Are you sure it’s okay that I’m here?”
Katie reached out and clasped her hand. “I can honestly tell you that there’s never been a better time for you to visit. Please come meet my parents. And then we’ll have some tea in front of the fire.”
As they crossed the foyer, Katie knew everything was going to be all right.
Chapter 18
“So, you’ll forgive me?” Katie asked Jonathan later that evening. After they’d eaten dinner and got the girls settled, she’d asked him to listen while she told him a story.
Oh, it had taken some time. They’d sat in the cozy sitzschtupp with mugs of hot tea, and with little fanfare, Katie recounted her story one more time.
Through it all, Jonathan had been silent, only asking questions to clarify information, not to judge her. Katie was mighty grateful for that. But when she thought of how different things could have been if her parents hadn’t been so supportive, if she hadn’t had Anna, who had already been through so many trials of her own…Katie couldn’t help but feel blessed.
But so far, this telling had been the hardest, even harder than facing her parents or even Holly. Perhaps it was because she had so much to lose. Katie knew that she wanted a future with Jonathan, but only a marriage and union based on realities, not his imagined ideas about her.
Her worries made her emotions run high. Tears streamed unchecked down her cheeks, though she’d tried her best to keep them at bay.
Tenderly, Jonathan wiped a stray teardrop away with the side of a thumb, then rested his palm against her face, cradling her cheek. “I’ve told you, there’s nothing to forgive.”
“Are you sure? I had assumed you would be terribly mad at me.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve kept so much from you. Jonathan, I know you never dreamed I would’ve been involved in such things.”
Jonathan smiled wryly. “Well, that is true.”
Had she lost him?
Tears rushed forth again as she remembered their afternoon in the woods when time had seemed to stand still and so much of their animosity had fallen away, leaving only true, tender feelings. She wished she had thought to keep a reminder of the day for her memory box. That, indeed, would bring her much happiness months and years from now. “I know you wanted someone far more perfect.”