Now she was on her own.
“Excuse me, I am looking for Brandon Norris. May I pay him a visit?”
The dark-haired lady looked on her computer then directed her to the fifth floor. When Katie arrived at the nurses’ station, she was met with a trio of interested stares. “Brandon Norris, please?”
“You Amish?”
“I am.” When they all kept staring, she cleared her throat. “I came to pay him a visit?”
“Oh. Sure.” A nurse came around the bright turquoise desk, motioning down the hall. “He’s in room 505. Have you been to see him before?”
“No.”
“Oh. Well, some days are better than others. His sister, Holly, is sure he can hear everything you say, so if he doesn’t open his eyes, don’t be shy about talking.” She stopped at the door. “We’ve been keeping visits to about twenty minutes. All right?”
She left before Katie could reply. But Katie was glad. She felt so nervous and worried; she didn’t want another person there to witness her struggles. Slowly, she turned the doorknob and stepped inside.
And then quickly wiped tears as she saw him.
Oh, Brandon.
When she’d first met him, he’d always seemed so infallible. So bright and strong. The complete opposite of the man in the bed in the dim room. The Brandon she’d remembered had an easy smile, sparkling hazel eyes. An infectious laugh.
The man in the hospital bed looked at least thirty pounds lighter. His skin was sallow and pale. An IV tube was attached to his left arm. The brown hair she’d admired so much was cut short.
His eyes were closed.
She stepped closer. Recalling how the nurse had said she should talk, she did her best. Surely an apology was the right way to start? “Brandon? It’s me. Katie. Katie Brenneman. I…” She swallowed. “I heard you had wanted to see me.” Only the machines clicked in reply.
Steeling her nerves, she continued. “Listen. I’m…I’m sorry. I’m very sorry about what I did. I’m sorry for lying to you.”
He didn’t move.
She approached and sat down in the cushioned vinyl chair next to him. What to say next? “I…I saw Holly yesterday. She told me you were under the weather. I…I didn’t know.”
Slowly his eyes flickered open. Katie inhaled sharply. Now those were the eyes she remembered. Lovely, multicolored, perceptive. When they focused on her, she tried to smile. “Hi, Brandon.”
“You came.”
Oh, there was such pleasure in his voice, Katie was sure she was about to burst into tears. “I…did. Jah.”
“Jah?”
“I’m sorry. When I get nervous, I start thinkin’ in Deutsche.” She shook her head. “Oops. I mean, I think in Pennsylvania Dutch.”
“Are you nervous?”
“Yes.” Steeling herself, she leaned forward. “Brandon, I’m verra glad you wanted to see me. This gives me a chance to say that I’m sorry. You know, for causing you pain. For lying about who I was.”
“Why did you?”
“I don’t know.” With a shake of her head, she forced herself to speak more slowly. To choose her words with more care. Brandon deserved that much. “That’s not true. I…I think it was because I wasn’t sure what I wanted. Back when we first met, I was feeling trapped. Restless. I wanted something new. Wanted a chance to be someone else.” She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, then confessed the rest. “But…only for a little while.”
“And then you went back.”
“Jah.”
Brandon stared at her for a long moment. “I guess I can understand that.” Swallowing hard, he never took his eyes off of her. “You look so different, Katie. My memories of you are so different.”
“I know.” Self-consciously, she patted her dress. “I think I only wore jeans when we were together. Not anything like this.”
“It suits you, though.”
Looking at her dress, at her trusty thick-soled black shoes, she smiled. “I suppose it does.” She pushed herself to speak some more, to say what needed to be said. “For what it is worth, my feelings for you were genuine.”
“Did you ever love me?”
She knew the hope she spied in his eyes. She’d felt it many a time. And though she realized now that she’d loved the dreams he represented, not him—she could have never left if she’d truly loved Brandon—she said the words he needed to hear. “I did. Well, I loved how you made me feel. I loved spending time with you and Holly and laughing. I loved the chance you gave me—to just be Katie.”
And just like that, he knew the truth. Stark reality filled his expression as the ray of hope faded. And it was as clear in his gaze as if he and Katie had talked for three hours.