He stood up. “I’d say you do that a fair amount. I mean, you really have no idea about what it is like, to have to worry about other people, do you?”
“That’s hardly fair, Jonathan. I may not have children, but I am part of a family. I worry about them.”
“It is not the same.”
“All right.” She felt his hostility like it was a tangible thing, especially since it brought forth all those guilty feelings about Brandon that she’d done her best to keep hidden. Maybe Jonathan was right. This was Jonathan. The man she’d secretly yearned for ever since she saw him standing alone during church.
This was the man she’d fought her parents to see, the man she was finally getting to see on a regular basis.
But no longer was she willing to simply just have him. No, she wanted him on an equal basis. She wanted him to desire her in his life not because she so obviously wanted to be there, or because his girls were taken care of, but because of who she was. Inside.
“I wasna trying to make you upset. I was only speaking my mind. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“You speak it mighty freely in my home.”
Now her ire was up. “When you arrived at my home, hat in hand, you neglected to tell my parents that in addition to care for your daughters, you also desired someone to always agree with you.”
“You are deliberately twisting my words.”
“Then that makes two of us.” Katie stood up. “I’m going to go be with Mary and Hannah.”
“I’m going to the daadi haus,” he said, turning away.
To his back, she muttered, “I didn’t doubt you would, Jonathan. Why don’t you go on and be by yourself? Again.”
His footsteps slowed. “Perhaps I should arrange to have Winnie return early.”
Oh, he was so obstinate, once again trying to think for everyone! “If that is what you want.”
Without another word, he stormed off. With a scrape of her chair, she left the kitchen, too.
But the greeting of resentful silence in the living room told Katie no comfort was going to be found there, either.
Hannah greeted her with wide eyes. “What did you say to Daed?”
“Just something that was needed….”
“You made him mad.”
“I know. He made me mad, too.”
Just then, Mary appeared from around the corner, a scowl on her face. “Katie, you said you were gonna make things better here.”
Katie had wanted to. She’d wanted to befriend the girls and build a relationship with Jonathan. However, every time they took a step forward, two steps back seemed to follow soon after. “I can only be myself, Mary. Your father is a capable man. He doesn’t need a woman like me to fix things; he only wanted me to be here for a spell.”
“Maybe you should have listened to him.”
Katie sighed. As always, she should have done a lot of things. But that didn’t excuse his rudeness. And truly, she wasn’t about to change her words. She’d meant what she said, and that was the truth. “I’m trying to listen to him. But sometimes, he has to listen to me as well. I can’t always keep my opinions to myself. That’s not who I am. If you learn nothing else from me, please try and remember that. At the end of the day, we can only find solace in our hearts.” Thinking of her running-around time, she slowly added, “Pretending to be something we are not is a thankless task.”
Mary folded her arms over her chest for a good long moment. “I brought out the fabric,” she finally said.
“Ach, good. Perhaps we can pin a few pieces together. Soon, I’ll take you to the inn and show you how to work my sewing machine. What do you think about that?”
Their tentative smiles were all she needed to wave them closer.
Chapter 12
“Hello, Mr. McClusky,” Katie said when she and the girls entered the general store a week later. “How are you today?”
The proprietor laid his elbows on the counter. “Not as well as you, Miss Lundy. I see you have some great helpers with you today.”
“I do at that,” Katie agreed, looking fondly at the girls, who’d just stood up a little straighter. “Mary and Hannah are wunderbaar schee—wonderful nice helpers.”
“We’ve got some peppermint sticks in for the holidays. Would you two girls like some?”
After hesitantly looking toward Katie, they nodded, then trotted after Sam McClusky. As she watched them walk together, Katie felt an unexpected burst of motherly pride. After witnessing her argument with Jonathan, things were getting better between her and the girls. They’d come to an understanding that she could only be who she was. And, once they realized she didn’t intend to replace either their mother or their aunt, they embraced her wholeheartedly.