Outside the door, Katie heard Anna talk to Stanley, her buggy horse. She couldn’t help but smile at her friend’s chatter. Anna was truly determined to treat her buggy horse like a pet.
Still the letter waited.
Time had proven that pushing things off to the side didn’t make things go away. No, it just delayed what was bound to happen. With thick fingers, she tore open the letter.
This time only a few hastily written words greeted her.
WHY DIDN’T YOU MEET ME? Katie, this is important. I won’t go away. Meet me at the Brown Dog on Sunday. Please.
I won’t go away.
That was a threat, indeed. It also sounded much like a fact. For whatever reason Holly had, she was not going to give up or give in. And unfortunately, she felt very sure that Holly did intend to find her. After all, what did Holly have to lose?
Katie had so much to lose. After she’d spent one agonizing night thinking about how her life would be if she never joined the order, Katie had made the decision to tell everything to Holly and Brandon and never see them again.
After Holly had gone between tears and anger, and Brandon had simply stared at her in shock, Katie had gone home and tried to be the person her mother had raised her to be. If all the truth came out—about how close she’d come to giving everything up for Brandon—Katie felt like she’d lose everything she was and everything she’d tried so hard to be.
And what about Jonathan? Would he not want a woman like that raising his girls? Perhaps every hope she’d had for a life with Jonathan would vanish into thin air.
It was impossible to think of. It was all she could think about.
Feeling dizzy and sick, Katie rushed to the door and scrambled outside. Ready to share the awful note with Anna after all.
Ready to accept help.
To seek advice. To tell someone—anyone—all about everything she’d done and every horrible choice she’d made.
How she’d taken advantage of Holly’s friendship. How she’d let Brandon imagine she returned his feelings. How she’d lied to her family because she enjoyed Brandon’s admiration. But as she looked for Anna’s buggy and prepared to call out to her to stop, her heart lodged in her throat.
Anna had already left. Once again, Katie knew she was all alone.
Chapter 9
All day Jonathan had looked forward to the moment he could come home from work and relax in the comfort of his own home. But as he entered the living room and eyed Katie’s gently curving shoulders and pale neck bent over a bit of sewing, he felt his face heat up.
Oh, Katie affected him so.
In fact, every time he heard her voice or spied a bit of her pretty form, he could feel himself becoming tongue-tied and the muscles in his shoulders starting to bunch. No matter how hard he tried to not be different around Katie, things were out of his hands. The plain truth was that he fancied her. He couldn’t help himself.
And that wasn’t right. He had no need to marry again, well, beyond his girls needing a new mother. But that didn’t seem like a sound reason in the long run. Jonathan didn’t plan on being married to a woman he wasn’t sure he could love.
And fact was, he wasn’t sure if he was capable of loving again. Did the Lord desire a man to do such things? His will was a mystery to Jonathan.
Yes, his feelings about Katie most certainly did not make sense. Surely if he was meant to marry again, it would be to a woman not so different from his first wife.
Someone not so terribly young and fresh and merry.
Though, perhaps he didn’t need a copy of Sarah, after all.
Things with Sarah had been rocky at times, that was the truth. Her sharp tongue had cut his feelings more than a time or two. Their union hadn’t been all that he had hoped it to be. His efforts to hide their strained relationship had been a surprise, as well. Jonathan had always prided his honesty and forthrightness. He’d thought those two qualities were integral to the type of man he was. But during those last months with Sarah, he’d been a master of doublespeak and avoidance.
Even his gut friend Eli had commented on it one evening when they’d been raking gravel for the church services. “What is going on with you, Jonathan?” he’d ask time and again. “You seem so quiet and blue. How can I help?”
But instead of seeking Eli’s advice and assistance, Jonathan had brushed him off. He’d been too embarrassed about the state of his marriage. Too ashamed that he wasn’t happier.
Now, though, Jonathan realized that in spite of his intentions, his heart and head were thinking about companionship again with a certain blue-eyed woman. Every time she smiled, he imagined a life with her. Every time she laughed, he’d find himself dreaming about the possibility of not being alone night after night, with only his shadow for company.