Mimi laughed, and I turned to her.
“And you, Mimi, you’re my best friend. And you’re so tiny! I bet I could carry you around in my pocket.” I giggled as I tried to find my pocket.
Mimi was a petite Filipino, with caramel skin and the blackest hair.
“We should have cut her off after the guacamole left the table,” Mimi muttered. “She is never al owed to drink again without food present.” She
dragged me up the last few steps.
“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here,” I complained, taking off my jacket and starting in on my shirt.
“Okay, let’s not get naked here in the hal way, huh?” Sophia shot back, taking my keys from my purse and opening my door. I tried to kiss her
on the cheek, and she pushed me off.
“You smel like tequila and sexual repression, Caroline. Get off me.” She laughed and opened my door. As we traveled to the bedroom, I
caught sight of Clive on the windowsil .
“Hey there, Clive. How’s my big boy?” I sang.
He glared at me and stalked off to the living room. He disapproved of my alcohol use. I stuck my tongue out at him. I flopped down on the bed
and surveyed my girls in the doorway. They smirked in that you-are-drunk-and-we-are-not-so-we-judge way.
“Don’t act al high and mighty, ladies. I’ve seen you more drunk than this on many an occasion,” I noted, my pants going the way of my blouse.
Ask me why I kept my heels on, and I wil never be able to tel you.
The two of them pul ed down the duvet, and I crawled under the covers and glared. They tucked me in so wel that the only things sticking out
were my eyebal s, my nostrils, and my messy hair.
“Why is the room spinning? What the hel did you guys do to Jil ian’s apartment? She’l kil me if I mess up her rent control!” I cried, moaning as I
watched the room move.
“The room isn’t spinning. Settle down.” Mimi chuckled, sitting next to me and patting my shoulder.
“And that thumping, what the hel is that thumping?” I whispered into Mimi’s armpit, which I then sniffed and complimented her deodorant
choice.
“Caroline, there’s no thumping. Jesus, you must have had more than we thought!” Sophia exclaimed, settling down at the end of the bed.
“No, Sophia, I hear it too. You can’t hear that?” Mimi said in a hushed voice.
Sophia was quiet, and al three of us listened. There was a distinct thump, and then an unmistakable groan.
“Kittens, lay back. You are about to get Wal banged,” I stated.
Sophia and Mimi’s eyes grew wide, but they stayed quiet.
Would it be Spanx? Purina? Anticipating the latter, Clive entered the room and jumped up on the bed. He stared at the wal with rapt attention.
The four of us sat and waited. I can barely describe what we were subjected to this time.
“Oh, God.”
Thump.
“Oh, God.”
Thump thump.
Mimi and Sophia looked at Clive and me. We just shook our heads—both of us, real y. A slow smile spread across Sophia’s face. I focused on
the voice coming through the wal . It was different…The pitch was lower, and, wel , I couldn’t real y make out exactly what she was saying. It wasn’t
Spanx or Purina…
“Mmm, Simon —” giggle “— right —” giggle “— there!” giggle.
Huh?
“Yes, yes —” snort “— yes! Fuck, fuck —” giggle-hee haw “— fuck, yes!”
She was giggling. She was a dirty, dirty giggler.
The three of us tittered along with her as she giggled and snorted her way toward what sounded like one hel uva climax. Clive, realizing quickly
that his beloved wasn’t making an appearance, beat a hasty retreat to the kitchen.
“What the hel is this?” Mimi whispered, her eyes as wide as apple pies.
“This is the sexual torture I’ve been listening to for the last two nights. You have no idea,” I growled, feeling the effects of the tequila.
“LaughyPants has been getting done like this for the last two nights?” Sophia cried, slapping her hand over her mouth as more moaning
laughter filtered through the wal .
“Oh, hel no. Tonight is the first night I’ve had the pleasure of this one. The first night was Spanx. She was a naughty, naughty girl and needed to
be punished. And last night Clive met the love of his life when Purina made her debut— ”
“Why do you cal her Purina?” Sophia interrupted.
“Because she meows when he makes her come,” I said, hiding under the covers. My buzz was beginning to fade, replaced by the distinct lack
of sleep I’d experienced since moving into this den of debauchery.