Wallbanger(30)

“I hope you get to know him a little better,” she said with a grin, matchmaker once again.

“Settle down there. We’ve cal ed a truce, but that’s al .” I laughed, shaking my finger at her.

She got up and started for the door. “You’re very sassy for someone who’s supposed to be working for me,” she said, trying to look severe.

“Wel , I’d get a lot more work done if you’d let me get back to it and stop with your nonsense!” I said, looking severely back at her.

She laughed and looked out to reception.

“Hey, Maggie! When did I lose control of this office?” she cal ed.

“You never actual y had it, Jil ian!” Maggie yel ed back.

“Oh, go make coffee or something! And you,” she said, turning to me and pointing. “Design something bril iant for the Nicholsons’ basement.”

“Again, al things I could’ve been doing while you were yakking away in here…” I murmured, tapping my pencil on my watch.

She sighed. “Seriously, Caroline, he’s real y sweet. I think you two could be great friends,” she said, leaning in the doorway.

What’s with everyone leaning in doorways lately?

“Wel , I can always use another friend, now, can’t I?” I waved as she disappeared.

Friends. Friends who cal ed a truce.



“Okay, so we know the floors in the bedroom are going to be reclaimed, honey-toned wood, but you for sure want carpet in the closet?” I

asked, settling on the couch next to Mimi and starting on my second Bloody Mary. We’d been going through her plans for almost an hour as I tried

to get her to see that I was not the only one who would have to compromise on her designs. She would as wel . As long as we’d been friends, Mimi

had believed she won every argument. Mimi saw herself as a badass that could strong-arm anyone into anything. Little did she know Sophia and I

had figured out that we only had to let her think she was getting her way, which made her much more tolerable.

The truth was, I always knew I wanted carpet in the closet—just not for the same reasons she did.

“Yes, yes, yes! It has to be carpet—real y thick and luxurious carpet! It wil feel so good under cold toes in the morning,” she cried, almost

shaking in her excitement. I real y hoped Neil would be around long enough to romance her right. She needed to release some of this excess

energy.

“Okay, Mimi, I guess you’re right. Carpet in the closet. But for that, you have to give me back those two feet you wanted from the bathroom for

the rotating shoe rack that I vetoed.” I spoke careful y, wondering if she would go for it.

She thought for a moment, looked at her plans again, took a long pul from her cocktail, and nodded. “Yes, take back the two feet. I get my

carpet, and I can live with that.” She sighed, offering me her hand.

I shook it solemnly and offered her my celery stalk. Clive came sauntering in and began to pace by the front door, pawing under the crack.

“I bet our Thai is almost here. Let me get my money,” I said, pointing toward the door as I headed for my purse on the kitchen counter. Just as I

spoke, I could hear steps in the hal way.

“Mimi, get the door, that’l be the takeout guy,” I cal ed, rummaging through my purse.

“Got it,” she yel ed, and I heard the door open. “Oh, hey there, Simon!” she said, and then I heard the strangest sound.

I would swear, on a stack of Bibles in a court of actual law, that I heard my cat speak.

“Porrrrreeeennnnnya,” Clive said, and I whirled about.

In the span of five seconds, a thousand things happened: I saw Simon and Purina in the hal way, bags from Whole Foods in hands, key in front

door. I saw Mimi at the door, barefoot and leaning (again with the leaning) in the doorway. I saw Clive rear back on his hind legs preparing to jump

in a way that I’d only ever seen him do once when I hid the catnip on the top of the fridge. Babies were born, old people died, stocks were traded,

and someone faked an orgasm. Al in those five seconds.

I launched myself at the door in a slow-motion run reminiscent of every action movie ever made.

“Nooooooooo!” I cried as I saw a look of panic cross Purina’s face and a look of pure lust cross Clive’s as he prepared to woo. If I’d started for

the door any earlier, maybe even a second earlier, I could’ve prevented the pandemonium that ensued.

Simon pushed his door open and smiled a confused smile at me as I caught his eye. No doubt he was wondering why I was charging the door

and screaming noooooo. Just then Clive jumped. Leapt. Charged. Purina saw Clive jumping directly at her, and she did the worst thing she