“I knew with you, it would be an al or nothing kind of thing.”
“Al ?” I squeaked.
“Al , Caroline. I need al of you. That night? Would have been great, but too soon.” He leaned across the table and took my hand. “Now, we’re
here,” he said, raising my hand to his mouth. He laid kisses across the back then opened my palm and pressed a wet kiss at its center. “Where I
can take my time with you,” he said, kissing my hand once more as I stared back at him.
“Simon?”
“Yes?”
“I’m real y glad we waited.”
“Me too.”
“But I real y don’t think I can wait any longer.”
“Thank God.” He smiled and signaled the waiter.
We laughed like teenagers as we paid the bil and began our trek up the hil to the car. The festival was in ful force now, and we passed
through part of it on our way back. Lanterns lit up the sky overhead as a heavy drum beat pulsed, and we saw people dancing in the streets. That
energy was back, that sense of abandon in the air, and the brandy and that very energy knocked Nerves back down, way down to my gut, where LC
and Wang threatened to beat her within an inch of her life. LC and Wang, it sounded like a rap duo…
As we reached the car, I went to grab the door handle when I was whirled suddenly by a very intense Mr. Parker. His eyes burned into mine as
he pressed me against the car, his hips strong and his hands frantic in my hair and on my skin. His hand slid down my leg, grasping my thigh and
hitching it around his hip as I moaned and groaned at the strength I was about to let run wild across my body and soul.
But I slowed him down, my hands pul ing at his hair, making him moan in turn. “Take me home, Simon,” I whispered, pressing one more kiss
against his sweet lips. “And please drive fast.”
Even Heart seemed pleased, floating around above. She was stil singing, but a song that was infinitely more dirty.
Chapter Nineteen
I LOOKED AT MY REFLECTION in the mirror, trying to look objectively. When I was a kid, especial y in those charming early-teen years, I used to see myself
very differently. I saw dishwater-blond hair and pale, uninteresting skin. I saw flat green eyes and knobby knees that bisected skinny, bird-like legs. I
saw a slightly upturned nose and a bottom lip that looked like I might trip over it if I wasn’t too careful.
When I was fifteen, one afternoon my grandmother told me she thought the pink dress I was wearing looked nice against my skin. I scoffed and
immediately disagreed with her. “Thanks, Grandma, but I got about three hours of sleep last night, and the last thing I look today is nice. Tired and
pale, but not nice.”
I rol ed my eyes in that way teenage girls do, and she reached for my hand.
“Always take a compliment, Caroline. Always take it for the way it was intended. You girls are always so quick to twist what others say. Simply
say thank you and move on.” She smiled in that quiet and wise way she had.
“Thanks.” I smiled back, busying myself with the spaghetti sauce and turning my face so she couldn’t see my blush.
“It breaks my heart the way young girls pick themselves over, never thinking they’re good enough. You make sure you always remember, you’re
exactly the way you’re supposed to be. Exactly. And anyone who says otherwise, wel , poppycock.” She giggled, her voice lowering a bit at that last
word, the closest she would ever come to swearing. Grandma had a list of bad words and real y bad words, and poppycock came close to
approaching the latter.
The next day at school I mentioned to a friend that I thought her hair looked great, and her answer was to run her hands through it with disgust.
“Are you kidding? I barely even had time to wash it today.”
Even though it did look fantastic.
Later on after gym class, I was changing in the locker room when I observed another friend touching up her lip gloss. “That’s pretty. What’s the
name of that color?” I asked as she pursed her lips in the mirror.
“Apple Tartlet, but it looks terrible on me. God, I have no tan left over from summer!”
Grandma was right. Girls real y didn’t take compliments wel . Now, I’m not gonna lie and say after that day I magical y had no more bad hair
days or never picked the wrong lipstick again. But I did make a conscious effort to see the good before the bad and real y look at myself in a more
clear way. Objectively. Kindly. And as my body continued to change, I became more and more aware of features I could look at positively instead of
negatively. I never thought of myself as lethal y gorgeous, but I did clean up wel .
And so now, as I stared into the mirror in the bathroom, knowing Simon was waiting for me, I took the time to take a little inventory.