It’s silent for a moment as I stare at the side of her face, taking her in. She looks so pained that it breaks my damn heart. I wish she would just fucking talk and put me out of my misery.
“Hemy,” she breathes, breaking the silence. “I know you're trying to prove that you've changed and you can give me what I wanted back then, but you don't understand. You broke me . . . shattered me. I'm not the same girl I was, and I don't think I can love you that way again. You need to let me go. I refuse to go through that again.”
Grinding my jaw, I try my best to hide my anger. “You won't even give me the chance, Onyx! I know you're not the same girl and I'm not the same guy. We are different, but that isn't a bad thing. We still belong together like we always have and always will . . .”
She holds her hand up to stop my words before tugging on her hair in frustration. “You know how easy it would be for me to give in and believe you, right? You and I, it's never been easy and I can't go down that path with you, Hemy. Please, leave me alone. Maybe we can be friends someday, but I can't handle this now.”
“I can’t just be your friend. I’ll always want more with you, and you know you feel the same damn way.”
She must be done listening to me, because she goes for the door handle and quickly pushes it open. “I'm just going to walk home, and please, don't come after me.”
Before I can say anything, she hops out of the truck and slams the door behind her. She takes off walking as if she’s trying to get as far away from me as she can. The thought crushes me and I feel as if I can’t breathe. I want to be pissed at her for being scared, but I can’t. It’s my own damn doing and I need to fix this. I knew going in that there was a possibility she wouldn’t take me back, but it isn’t in me to give up, not this time.
Following her actions, I jump out of the truck and take off after her. I catch up to her quickly, grabbing her arm, and spinning her around to face me. She looks up at me with pained green eyes, before turning away. It’s as if looking at me kills her.
“Don’t walk away from me when all I’ve been trying to do is show you how much you mean to me.” Wrapping my hands in the back of her hair, I pull her closer to me and force her to look into my eyes. “I fucking love you. Do you know how hard that is for me to say to anyone? Sage is the only other person I have ever said that to and she’s fucking gone. You two are the only ones I’ve ever loved and I lost you both. I want us back. I can’t stand to be without you.”
“And you don’t think I’ve lost the one person I ever loved? Huh?” She shoves my chest, but I don’t budge an inch, which pisses her off more. “Dammit, Hemy!” She shoves me again, but I only hold her tighter, letting her know I’m not going anywhere. I’m not giving up and walking away like she did. Fuck that. I refuse. “I don’t love you anymore, okay! I don’t want to go back and try again. I won’t let history repeat itself. There is no starting over, there is no us, and there never will be. So. Let. Me. Go.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm myself. Her words sting like hell, but I don’t believe her for one second. Her eyes give away the truth and that’s enough to keep me going. She never was a good liar.
I drug her down into my dark, tormented world of demons and hate, slowly killing her day by day, making it hard for her to breathe. I shook the angel in her and now she’s pulling me into her dark, twisted world of hate and revenge, fighting to keep me out, and forcing me to hate her. Well . . . hating her is the last thing I have in store.
“I don’t believe you,” I say through clenched teeth.
Picking her up, I throw her over my shoulder and hold her up by her ass. She instantly starts struggling against me as I walk her back to my truck.
“Damn you, Hemy! Why are you so hard headed?”
I open the door and shove her inside, being careful not to hurt her. She may want to play games, but I’m going to play harder by showing her the man she fell in love with.
I lean in the window and rub my hands through her hair, causing her to look up at me with a pained expression. She always loved it when I did this in the past. It calmed her down. “You can damn me all you want, but the last thing I’m doing is letting you go again.”
Without a word, she swallows and looks away from me. I push back my emotions and walk over to my side of the truck to climb inside. It’s time to take her home with me, where she belongs.
She’s not leaving until she sees how much I love her . . .
I HATE DOING THIS. I hate trying to push him away when all I really want to do is hold him close and bury my face into his chest. It hurts more than anyone could ever imagine, lying to everyone, even yourself. It’s something I have to do now. At first it was just to guard my heart, but now . . . it’s because I know he’s going to hate me after I tell him what I’ve been keeping from him for a while now. Why let myself get close and let him in when he’ll be hating me soon anyways? I did it for a good reason. I had to.