“Hemy. I didn’t come here for this.”
“Answer me,” I breathe. “We’ve always been honest with each other. Don’t change that now.”
She lets out a small breath and tangles her fingers in the back of my hair. “Yes,” she moans. “Physically it feels great. Emotionally, it terrifies me. I’m not letting you in, Hemy. I’ve learned my lesson.”
I run my hands down her back before cupping her ass in my hands and running my lips up her neck. “Oh, but I want in. Deep.” I suck her earlobe into my mouth before whispering, “You remember what it feels like to have me inside you? The way you moaned out my name and pulled my hair. That mix between pain and intense pleasure. It can be even better now.”
Her head tilts back as she falls into my touch. I can hear her breathing pick up as I squeeze her ass tighter. “Don’t make me think about sex. It brings back bad memories.” She grips onto the hood with one hand as I kiss her neck. “Questions. The fear of you being with other women. All those hands groping you. How am I supposed to get over that? Maybe I want a little fun of my own.”
My body stiffens from her words. As much as I hate it, she’s right; because of my fuck up she had to live in fear of me being touched by other women. The thought makes me sick now. I need to somehow make it up to her. “What do you need? I’ll fucking do anything for you.”
“Do you realize how many women I had to see touch you while you were passed out? Every time I close my eyes I picture someone’s hand down your pants. Their hands on my man. That image does a lot of damage. You’ll never get that until you have to deal with it yourself. I just can’t. I can’t be with you like that again, Hemy. Ever.”
Her grip tightens on my hair as I wrap mine in the back of hers and lean my forehead against hers. “I can arrange that,” I grumble. “I’d have to fight my hardest not to kill someone, but I get where you’re coming from. I would do it. I would watch it even though the thought kills me.”
She looks at me in shock and laughs in disbelief. “Are you joking?” I shake my head and her face becomes serious. “And what if I want a threesome? Would you do it? With another man?”
I brush her hair over her shoulder and kiss her neck, then her chin. “If it involves me touching you or tasting you . . . then yes. I will do anything you tell me to. Even that.”
She pushes away from me and turns around. “Shit, Hemy. I was joking.” She grips the top of her hair and tilts her head back. “Why did you have to say that? You’re supposed to make it easy to not want you in that way. I’m not supposed to want to touch you, but I do. No man turns me on like you can and it drives me mad.”
I don’t want to hear about other men. I just want her anyway I can. “Stay with me tonight.” I know her answer will be no, but I try anyway. “You don’t have to let me in emotionally; not yet at least. Just let me take care of your needs.”
“Hemy,” she warns. “I have to work tonight, and that’s a horrible idea. Do you realize what kind of shit that will start?”
“Yes,” I admit. “Why do you think I asked?”
“Dammit, Hemy. I have to go.” She takes off walking down the driveway as fast as she can on her tall heels. “Bye.”
Without a second thought, I jog down the driveway, grab her by the waist, and turn her around to face me. “Not yet. There’s something I’ve been waiting four years to do.” I grip the back of her head and slam my lips against hers, running my tongue over the seam of her lips for access.
All of my breath leaves my body as she opens up and kisses me back, her arms snaking around my neck. It feels like the past four years disappearing between us and it feels like we are back in the past. My tongue desperately seeks hers, sucking it into my mouth as I back her up against a little blue car and cup her face in my hands.
Pressing my body against hers, I tug on her bottom lip before releasing it. Both of us stand here panting while looking into each other’s eyes. I can barely catch my breath.
Standing here, looking in her eyes, I realize the distance between us still remains and I have a lot of work to do in order to close the gap. But I’m willing and in it for the long haul.
“I never want to hear bye come out of your mouth again. I’ll be waiting for you. I’ve waited for four years. Don’t think I will give up now.”
I turn and walk away before she can say anything. I don’t want her to. I want her to think about the last thing said between us. It gives me more confidence that she will show up at my doorstep tonight.