I watch as he rubs his hands over his face in frustration. Of course I didn’t tell him. He ruined me. Paralyzed my heart and soul. I wanted to live with him but the truth was, I was doing anything but. I was far from living. I was surviving and he was barely even doing that.
“I’m not doing this, Hemy.” I turn to walk away but he grabs my arm to stop me. My heart skips a beat from his touch. “Let go,” I snap. “I don’t owe you anything. I told you I was leaving and I did. I had to. This is not the time or place.” I give him a quick once over, taking in his thick build, tattoos and piercings before yanking my arm from his reach and turning away. “Just do what you’re getting paid to do.”
Why the hell does he have to look so damn delicious? Even better than before. Not good. Not good at all.
“I’m sorry, Onyx. I had no idea.” Jade jumps down from the table and fixes her tiara. “I’ll grab another one of the guys. It’s not a big deal. You two umm . . . I’m going.”
I grab her arm right before she walks away. “No. You won’t. He is getting paid good money for tonight and he better damn well deliver. I’ll be upstairs if you need me.”
“Onyx, wait!”
I hold my hand out in front of me and start backing away. “Don’t! Just please let my girls enjoy the night. That is all I ask. What we had was in the past. It doesn’t matter now.” I bite my tongue and walk away as fast as my heels will allow me. I can’t let him talk. I can’t let myself fall back into him.
I take the stairs two at a time and rush into the bathroom without looking back. As soon as the door closes, my back is pressed against it and I’m falling to the ground with the door supporting me. My hands grip my necklace as I fight to catch my breath. The necklace that Hemy gave me eight years ago. The only piece of him I took with me.
I’m not ready for this yet. I thought it would be different seeing him again. I thought I would be over us. I’m not. I’m so far from it. The truth is, if I hadn’t run away when I did, then I would be wrapped up in his arms, clutching him instead of this damn necklace. I came back too soon.
Why do I do this to myself? Why am I still doing it?
Four years of not seeing his face or hearing his soothing voice has been damn near torture. Not a day went by that I didn’t wonder where he was or what he was doing. The other problem was, I had to wonder who he was doing. I couldn’t allow that to bring me down so I found other things to occupy my time. I can almost see why he did what he did. Almost.
After a few minutes, I calm down enough to push myself back up to my feet. I need to just suck it up. I can’t let him see the effect he still has on me. That will only allow him to hurt me again. I won’t let that happen.
“Okay. You can do this,” I whisper. “He’s part of the past. He’s part of the past.” I try to convince myself but I suck at it. “Dammit.”
I stand up tall and take a deep breath before exhaling and pulling the bathroom door open. What I see in front of me causes my breath to be taken away . . . again.
Hemy is standing there still shirtless, just staring at the door as if he had been waiting for it to open.
“Onyx,” Hemy whispers. His eyes are soft and caring as they meet mine. Something in them looks different but I can’t tell what that means just yet. It’s like he’s looking at me with different eyes than before. It makes me want to believe he’s clean but I know that’s almost impossible. “We need to talk about us.”
“Hemy,” I breathe in frustration. I run my hands through my hair and close my eyes. “There is nothing to talk about. There hasn’t been an us in a very long time.”
I try to step around Hemy, but he places one arm against the wall, blocking me in. “There is an us. There always has been and you know it.” He stops and brings his eyes down to my lips. He licks his own and slides his free hand in the back of my hair. “I’ve missed you, Onyx. I’ve tried for the last four years to find you but your family are stubborn assholes. I’ve ended up at their doorstep once a month for the last four years. They’re definitely dedicated. I give them that.”
Hemy admitting he tried for years to find me shakes something loose inside me that I thought was long lost, but I must remain strong.
I suck in a breath as his body presses against mine. “Hemy.” I place my hand to his firm chest to block him from getting any closer. “Please,” I plead. “Don’t do this to me. It’s only going to get you hurt. I don’t want to hurt you. Don’t make me do it.” My eyes land on his lip ring as he bites it. Damn! I want to bite it too.