“No.”
Cody nodded. “You do, with the lion spirit inside you. She comes first with both of you; it’s often the only thing the two of you are in agreement on. The incident with Reno confirmed it and allowed for a biological shift in you that accommodates the physical changes taking place. But in your mind, you still struggle, and so does your spirit. The struggle weakens you both and keeps you from shifting.”
“I’m trying.”
“I know you are, but until you embrace the lion as a part of you, a fully integrated part of you, then you will be weak. And weak is not something you can afford with a woman and soon, a child, depending on you. You must be strong in all things. To deny any part of you is to deny all of you.”
“I’m not denying the lion. Not anymore.”
“And yet still, you will not give him free reign inside you. Fear holds you back. You are afraid if the lion breaks free of your control, then he will take over and you will find the Tah part of yourself lost and held back by the lion’s control.”
Tah nodded as Cody’s words perfectly echoed his fears.
“What you need to understand is that the lion is you and you are the lion. There is no need to control either part of you. Both can exist in harmony. It is that knowledge that will set you free. The true core of your strength only comes when you unite both parts of yourself and hold nothing back.”
Tah shook his head, rolling his neck back and forth as he blew out a deep breath. “I don’t know what else I can do.”
“You’ll figure it out,” Cody said. “I just hope it’s soon enough.”
“What does that mean? Do you think I might spike a temp again? Or is there something else you think might happen?”
“I’ve seen many things in my life, Tah. I’ve seen men merge with beast and learn to run. And I’ve seen them fight until they take their last breath. I sense the animal in you. He is strong, very much the king he is proclaimed to be. But I see the man, and I don’t doubt you are just as strong, just as regal. I see the struggle inside you. Will it kill you? Maybe. I don’t know. Your body has been through a lot in such a short period of time. Answer me this. Does Abby love you?”
“Yes.”
“The man or the animal?”
“Both.”
“And you love her?”
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“More than my life.”
“And you find no fault in her? No lack of sanity?”
Tah laughed. “Abby’s the smartest woman I’ve ever known.”
Cody nodded. “Then why do you not trust her?”
“I do trust her.”
Cody shook his head. “She loves you, all of you. This means she trusts you and the lion. Yet, you still doubt, still fight. Why? If she accepts you as you are, then why can’t you?”
“Did you ever doubt your wolf?”
“Never,” Cody answered. “But then, I was born knowing what I was capable of, knowing who I was.”
“A short time ago, I was content with my life. Maybe not happy, but content with being just a man.”
Cody smiled. “You lie to yourself. You have always been restless, always felt like there was something missing from your life. Known you were something more. Because there was.”
Tah shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe.”
“Tell me. Would you have preferred to come into this world knowing you were a mixture of man and beast? That inside you beat the heart of a lion? Would it make it all easier for you?”
“Yes,” Tah stated emphatically.
“Then think of your child and what you can give him or her. You can bring your children into a world like you would have liked. A father strong in his belief of who and what he is. One who will teach and guide as well as love. A mother who isn’t divided between fear for her mate and fear for her child. A strong pride that knows what battles lie ahead and how to face them. That is your choice to make for your child. But it begins with you.”
Tah took a deep breath and nodded. “Let’s try this again.”
More than anything in this world he wanted to give that to his child. Security. Understanding. Acceptance. Love. All the things his parents had given to him when he was young. The things his grandmother had shown him. They were key to building a strong foundation, to making an environment that would help any child to nurture and grow.
“Close your eyes. Feel your lion and center yourself with him. Let him guide you. Let him show you.”
Tah did as Cody urged and prayed this time would be different.
* * * *
Abby poured over the last journal in the pile in front of her. The house was quiet with all the men outside prowling the woods and trying to help Tah learn how to shift. He was getting restless again. She could feel it, and it worried her.