“Say it, Abby. Promise me.”
“I promise, Tah.”
“I feel like there’s a war going on inside me. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m in control. I’m afraid to sleep or let my guard down, in case something happens and I don’t make it back. It feels like I’m ripping apart on the inside, like my body can’t contain whatever is happening to it.”
“We’ll get help. We’ll find answers.” No matter what it took, she would do anything to help him.
“All I know is the only time I feel like me is when I’m with you. As long as I can smell you, touch you, I can breathe. The only time I’m not battling is when I’m inside you, feeling you grip my flesh with yours.”
“I’m here for you. Anything you need,” she promised.
“I can’t keep from touching you,” he growled.
“I love your touch.”
He shook his head. “It’s more than that. I take you, and I just want you again. I feel your skin and my cock grows so hard I’m afraid it will burst before I get inside you. I ache and only you can soothe me. I hunger and only you can satisfy me. I burn and only you can douse the flames. I need you in ways that terrify me. I know that losing you would make me go insane, and I have no idea what would happen then.”
“You’re not going to lose me. I swear.”
“And if Harlan comes back? With more men?”
“I’ll do as you say. I’ll hide or stay wherever you need me to. I won’t put myself at risk. I love you.”
He shuddered underneath her, and she tumbled onto his chest when he tugged her closer, wrapping his arms around her.
“There may come a time when you fear me, Abby.”
“Never!”
He placed a finger against her lips. “Neither of us can be sure of how all this is affecting me. I’m changing in more ways than just the ones you can see and feel.”
“I’ve already told you, Tah. If it’s fear you see in me, then it’s fear for you and what you’re going through. It’s not fear of you.”
“We can be at the cabin today,” he told her. “Do you still want to go there now?”
Now? Because Professor Mueller wouldn’t be meeting them there. Because he was dead. She locked the pain away. She’d already cried. She had to stay strong for Tah. He needed her.
“Yes,” she answered. “He’d already contacted his daughter Jess and her husband to meet us there. She’ll be able to help us figure out what’s going on with you.”
“Will she still help?”
“Of course she will,” Abby assured him. “Jess won’t blame either of us for what happened. It’s not who she is.”
He nodded. “Then we need to get going. I can feel…” His shook his head, letting his words linger unfinished. “I can’t shake the feeling I’m running out of time.”
Fear curled in her belly as every prayer she could think of went through her head. She closed her eyes and thought of the Great Creator, the god of the paka watu, and she prayed. She prayed for guidance and for protection.#p#分页标题#e#
Please don’t take him from me. Please don’t take him from me.
It become a litany in her head, a prayer she couldn’t quiet.
Please don’t take him from me.
Chapter Nine
From the journal of Abby Lane
I tried to force myself to stay away today, but I failed. It was late when I walked in. The first thing I noticed was that Utah wasn’t behind the bar. I must have looked scared because one of his friends came up to me and walked me to my table. He said he would get my nachos and coke right out to me.
I wanted to ask where Utah was, but part of me was afraid to hear. Did I want to know he was out with a woman, so I could torture myself with those thoughts all night? But I tortured myself with them anyway. I kept imagining his strong hands stroking over some faceless woman’s body. His touch would feel like heaven.
I stayed for an hour but couldn’t bring myself to touch the food. Somehow I knew it wouldn’t taste the same without Utah there. He just made everything better.
Why do I torture myself like this? Who am I fooling? Even if Utah is the descendent of the great Tau, it’s evident he has no clue. The beast has slept for so long, for so many generations, I’m not sure if it can be reached. His animal spirit would be hidden so deeply inside him that it would take something incredible to awaken it. And how would Utah handle that awakening? How would it change his life?
I’m selfish enough to hope it happens. Vain enough to believe I could help him work through it and embrace the lion. And then what? Where do I turn when he has all the help and information I can give him and he walks away? I can’t imagine a day without seeing him and doesn’t that make me the most pathetic of creatures alive…