I narrowed my eyes at that last part. She had no idea just how true that was. “You sort-of did. I’ve never, ever in my adult life had sex with the same woman twice. Except you.”
Her eyebrows shot up into her hairline and her voice was just above a whisper. “Are you serious?”
Standing in my hall was not the place I’d pictured having this conversation, but whatever. “Once was always enough. I learned early on that the first time I got my dick inside a woman, she was done with me. So, until you, there were never any second rounds.” Every word of my admission cut me like a straight-razor and I swear I felt my soul start to bleed.
Jensen’s reply flayed me wide open. “I hope you don’t lump me into that shallow, selfish category with them.” She cocked her head and finished softly, “Although now, since I’m the one walking away, I really wouldn’t blame you if you did.”
She left the suitcase in the hall, and turned away to go fetch two other bags from her room that I didn’t even know she’d packed.
“I wasn’t going to leave until later, but in light of everything, I think it’s best if I just go now.” She hitched the shoulder strap of her duffel a little higher and jangled Angus’s leash to bring him running. “I’ll come back next weekend to pick up the rest of my clothes.”
I watched her fingers move as they clipped the lead to her dachshund’s collar. Those same fingers spiraled her housekey off the sparkly AC/DC keychain I’d gotten her. “Here’s the key back.”
I just shook my head. “Keep it. Everything you own is here. Including me.”
Her eyes grew big and haunted. Without another word, she wrapped the leash around her wrist, scooped up her suitcase, and left.
***
I don’t know how long I sat on the sofa, staring off into space. I’d tried calling my mom, I’m not sure why. It’s not like she was the most sympathetic person. Maybe it was just for the familiarity of her voice.
She didn’t answer.
I have no idea what I would have told her, anyway. She didn’t know about me and Jen, and I really didn’t want to rehash everything just so I could wind up the story with It’s over; The End. So at the beep, I simply said, “She left me, Mom. She’s gone,” and hung up.
Let her wonder.
The shadows grew long through the gauzy living room curtains, and eventually, it dawned on me that I hadn’t seen Lita in a while.
I found her on Jensen’s bed. She refused to come when I called her, instead plopping her head on her paws with a grumble. “I’m sorry, Lita-girl. They both went away.”
She whined again, this one a long, drawn out whimper that didn’t seem to stop when she took a breath.
I knew exactly how she felt.
I left her to her misery, because in this case, mine didn’t want company.
Unless it came packaged as a caramel-haired, amber-eyed tiny whirlwind who came back to say she’d changed her mind.
“Am I not good enough?” I asked the empty living room. My gaze settled on the ceramic table lamp next to Jen’s favorite corner of the couch. “How ‘bout it, lamp? Am I not good enough for her?”
It didn’t answer.
So I picked it up and hurled it across the room.
The shattering sound was nice, but once it was over, I didn’t feel any better. I eyed the cracked plaster and the shards of broken lamp, realizing that all I’d done was make an even bigger mess than I was already in.
I was still angry enough to break something else, though, and found myself glaring at the coffee table. “So, table, tell me—what did I do wrong?”
Whether it had the correct answer would determine its fate.
The table was silent.
I picked it up, thinking that the crash of throwing it through the front window would be blissfully cathartic… and then set it back down. I might be raging, but I wasn’t crazy. There was no way I could sleep tonight with a gaping hole in the front of my house.
And look at me, thinking that I might actually get some sleep tonight.
Even through the haze of my anger and pain, a small voice of sanity whispered from the back of my brain. And that voice called out to remind me that nothing was ever set in stone. I still held onto the useless hope that she would change her mind.
I went into Jen’s room and saw that Lita was still on the bed, whining and looking at me like maybe I wasn’t the half-crazed madman I felt I was.
And like a light switch flicking on, I realized that I actually did have someone who loved me back.
Here was a girl who needed me and actually wanted me around.
I curled around her on the bed, stroking her back and murmuring soothing words into her fur.