But the depth of her feelings for him wasn’t something she could share. It was information with the power to disrupt their future relationship—one of critical importance. So she would try to tell him the truth, make him understand, without revealing exactly how much he’d taken over her heart.
“You mentioned fairy tales earlier. How I wasn’t interested in one anyway. And, for the most part that’s been true. As far as destinies went, I wasn’t interested in having mine tied to anyone else’s. I’d gotten into the habit of looking out for myself. Being on my own. And it worked for me, mostly. But I started seeing things differently after being a part of your family, hearing about what it was like growing up in a home filled with love and respect and caring—the kind of home I’d never known. Not being alone to face every challenge. Having someone there—”
She stopped herself before giving too much away. Shook her head and started again. “I feel like I’ve been selling myself short my whole life, Jeff. When we met, I’d been on my own for so long, taking care of myself the only way I knew how. Avoiding risks. I’d already started to realize what all my avoidance and caution was costing me. That I was missing out on life, which is why I couldn’t resist your offer that first night. I just wanted to live a little. But in the months since I’ve been in L.A.—living with your mom and then with you—I’ve had a taste of being a part of something bigger. Of something that isn’t destructive or about giving things up. Something that makes me feel like more instead of less. And it’s made me see the possibility of what’s out there. What love might be like. You’re an incredible man, Jeff. And any woman would be beyond lucky to have you in her life. But we both agree, you and I aren’t the fairy tale, and I’m just not ready to resign myself to giving up on finding it yet. I feel like I owe it to myself and to our baby and to you, too, not to let any of us settle for less than we deserve.”
And they all deserved so much more than a family founded on sacrifice.
Their child deserved a mother who made a better role model than she’d had herself. Who taught lessons with smiles instead of tears, strength instead of weakness. Bravery instead of fear.
Jeff deserved the kind of marriage his parents had. A wife he saw as a partner, an equal, the other half to make them whole. He deserved to marry someone he loved.
And she deserved more than a lifetime of imbalance in every regard. Loving a man who saw his marriage to her as the sacrifice he’d been willing to make for a “whole” family. She deserved to be able to hope that someday she’d meet someone who made her feel all the things Jeff made her feel, and who would want her for her. Not because a relationship with her would facilitate the full-time parenting package he was really after.
At some point during her explanation, Jeff had moved closer, taking her hand in his own. Now he met her eyes with the kind of understanding that made her wish for all the things she couldn’t have with him.
“You’re right, Darcy. I promise, no more proposals. Our original agreement stands.” Offering a quick grin, he qualified, “Our amended agreement.”
She swallowed past this new layer of regret. “I appreciate that. I really do.” She tried to shift into a more comfortable position, only this time it wasn’t her belly getting in her way. It was her conscience. “But, Jeff, maybe it would be better for both of us, if rather than waiting until the baby comes, I moved out now.”
Something dark flashed through his eyes, and she thought he might argue. But instead he simply nodded and with a last gentle squeeze, released her hand. “I’ll make some calls and we’ll get it done tomorrow.”
* * *
Darcy stared at the bedroom wall of her new home, telling herself she’d done the right thing.