“I was thinking it reminded me of all those Spanish-style homes you’re always sighing over when we drive around. Only this place was better. Bigger. Eight bedrooms and ten baths...”
He’d been thinking of her.
“...I was thinking it’s a house that has everything but the family that belongs in it...”
Oh, God.
Her legs began to shake and she reached for the wall to steady herself, but then Jeff was there, taking her hand and holding it in his.
“...I was thinking we couldn’t fill this place yet, but we’ve got a good start with our little bundle here. And maybe, if you were interested, in another year or so we could think about a brother or sister.”
“Jeff,” she whispered, her eyes filling with tears, because it couldn’t be real and suddenly she knew she wanted it to be with everything she had. It couldn’t be—except Jeff was going down on one knee in front of her. Holding her hand in the warm clasp of his, looking at her with eyes filled with expectation, excitement. Happiness.
She’d told herself not to hope for this. Not to let herself believe this was even a possibility, but as she stared down at the man she’d fallen helplessly in love with, she recognized the truth. She’d been a fool to think her heart would end up anywhere but here.
“Darcy, I know this isn’t what we talked about. But these past few months, it’s been so right having you with me. And as the days get closer to a time when you won’t be...I don’t even want to think about it. I can’t stand the idea of whole days going by when I don’t see our child. Of missing every other weekend and every other Christmas morning, when I don’t want to miss anything at all. And I know you don’t, either.”
That thundering heart ground to a halt as Jeff’s words hit her. What he was saying. What he wasn’t.
He was talking about not wanting to miss out on being a full-time parent. And it was wonderful to know he cared so deeply for their child, but...
Maybe he wasn’t done. Maybe as with everything else that happened between them, he was simply using their child as the starting point. Maybe there was more.
Only even as she thought it, disgusting words filled her mind.
You’re a fool.
“I know it’s not a fairy tale, Darcy, but you said yourself, you weren’t interested in one. We get along. We’ve got chemistry in spades. Sure it’s not exactly what either of us imagined our marriage would be, but people make sacrifices for the sake of their children all the time, and I can think of about a million reasons for getting married worse than making a full-time family.”
The air felt thin entering her lungs, the edges of her vision starting to haze.
Her throat tightened around all the protests and pleas suddenly desperate to escape. Words she’d never give voice to, because in that moment of sudden grueling clarity, she realized she’d already betrayed herself in all the ways she’d sworn she wouldn’t.
“No, it’s not the worst reason.” The truth was, Darcy hadn’t spent a lot of time imagining herself getting married at all. Her fantasies had always been independence-based. But the longer she was with Jeff, the more those fantasies most every other girl had in grade school seemed to flesh out.
The more she started to ache for something they didn’t have. “But, Jeff, for me, it’s not the right reason, either. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.”