Waking Up Pregnant(66)
“Is sex,” she stated evenly, though inside everything felt turbulent and chaotic.
“Yeah, really, really incredible sex. But there’s friendship and caring and respect, too. And the truth is what I’m suggesting makes sense. You’re pregnant with my child. I don’t want you to be alone. And while you most definitely could stay out here with my mother...there’s a very big part of me asking why you would, when we could be making the most of this time we’ve got before our little guy comes. We could take care of each other.”
It was those last words that caught her, the balance suggested in taking care of each other that gave her pause.
“And what happens if one of us realizes they want more than the other? If one of us suddenly wants less? What happens if it gets messy?”
“It won’t. We can keep it simple. You move in with me, I make you feel good in ways that get you to give up those breathless little cries on a frequent basis, my ego gets regular feedings and we take all the guesswork out of it by putting a natural stop date on the fun and games when Junior comes—if we’re open and honest about the limits of where this can go, no one gets hurt. We know what we’re getting into.”
He made it sound so easy, but it wouldn’t be. Not for her. And yet what he was offering held an unmistakable appeal. It was the ready excuse to take more of this man she wanted so badly. The handy justification she needed to give in to the want without hating herself for being weak, for all but inviting the hurt and vulnerability some open-ended go at a relationship would involve.
If she agreed to what Jeff was suggesting, even if her emotions did get away from her, she wouldn’t be waiting around for a happily ever after. She’d know there was a limit on the relationship and, having been a part of establishing those boundaries, wouldn’t feel as though she’d betrayed herself by giving in. She’d have made the conscious, informed decision to grab hold of this pleasure for the time it was available.
And when it was over, she’d be able to look at herself in the mirror without seeing some pathetic victim with her hand out waiting for whatever emotional scraps were available and her breath held for some fantasy that would never come true.
She turned to face him, searching his eyes. “So you’re talking about a sort of extended friends-with-benefits arrangement?”
Jeff winced as though he didn’t like the sound of it, but then seemed to reconsider. “I suppose that would be accurate.”
She wouldn’t be his girlfriend. It wouldn’t be a relationship.
It would be an affair with a bittersweet but predetermined end date. Something she could live with.
“What would we tell your mother?” she asked. “What would you tell everyone?”
Because people would talk. How could they not? She remembered some of the stories about Connor and Megan and knew the talk they’d had to contend with was nothing compared to the gossip and speculation that would surround her. Not that there wasn’t plenty already, but if she moved in with Jeff...and then moved out.
“Nothing. It’s no one’s business but ours.” His arms snaked around her back in an unmistakably possessive hold. “You’re not going to regret this.”
This close she couldn’t think, at least not about anything beyond how good it felt to have him touch her. How much closer she wanted to get. Pressing her palms into his chest she pushed, trying to keep the action from turning into a shameless feel.
“Jeff, wait, I haven’t decided yet.”