"As long as that's all she is to you."
I agree because it should be true. Because it needs to be true. There's no other option.
I get back to my mother's around 11. Jessica was clearly unhappy that I wasn't staying, but her lack of sympathy for Olivia left me not really giving a shit.
I'm just dozing off when I hear a noise from Olivia's room. She's flailing in the sheets, saying something over and over. I approach quietly as she grows more agitated.
"Stop crying," she pleads in a whisper.
I sit on the bed. "Olivia," I tell her, running my hand over her back as if she were a child, "it's okay. You're okay."
She grabs my arm and her eyes fly open. "Stop crying," she begs. "You've got to stop."
"Olivia, you're dreaming. It's okay."
"Please stop crying," she says and then she begins to weep, a small, childlike noise that is hard to listen to.
I pull her to my chest. "It's okay, Olivia. I promise. It's okay."
"Don't cry," she says, over and over. "Don't cry."
When she finally falls back asleep and I emerge from her room, my mother is waiting with her head in her hands.
"You heard that?" I ask, and she nods.
"What on earth happened to that girl and her brother?" she asks.
I wish I knew. And I'm equally scared that someday soon, I'm going to find out.
42
Olivia
I return to my own place on Wednesday.
Both Dorothy and Will encouraged me to stay, insisted really, but I said no. It can't be good for Will – he needs to be working on the farm instead of entertaining me, and he's risking his job at the school every time he does it. I guess it's also causing problems with Jessica, though I don't care as much about that.
Will drives me back before that morning's track practice, swinging my suitcase out of his trunk before he drives off.
///
I open the door and come to a dead stop before I'm even over the threshhold. It's not the same apartment I left on Monday morning.
I call Will immediately. "I've been vandalized," I tell him. "Someone broke into my apartment and furnished it."
"That's an outrage," he replies. "I hope you called the police."
I laugh, and then grow quiet. There's nothing in the world harder for me than what comes next.
"Thank you," I say awkwardly. "I don't know what to say."
"It wasn't a big deal," he replies.
"But all this stuff … Where'd you get it?"
"Almost everyone I know has something extra they don't need. You were also offered a pie safe, whatever the hell that is, and a grandfather clock, in case you're interested."
It's the first time since I moved out of the dorm my freshman year that I've had furniture. Now I have a couch, a table, a bed, and a nightstand. There's even a TV. I wish he hadn't done it. Not because I don't want the stuff-I love it-but because of the feeling it leaves me with. The same way I feel after I spend time with Will.
Like I now have something to lose.
The following weekend Will picks me up to go to Dorothy's, and for once, it's not an act of charity. At least I don't think it is. Dorothy's asked me to stay over and help with the horses because Will has to assist with school events for Parent's Visiting Day. I'm not sure if it's true, but I'm eager to be far away from campus this weekend, so I agree.
Brendan's car is parked outside. "I didn't know your brother was coming."
"Neither did I," he says, that muscle in jaw popping.
Dorothy and Brendan walk out together. "Olivia!" shouts Brendan as if we're old friends, grabbing my suitcase and swinging an arm around my shoulder. "I'll take this in for you. Who's sleeping where?"
"Oh, Will's not staying-"
"She's in my room and I'm on the couch," Will cuts in firmly.
I raise a brow. There is no meet this weekend for him to be concerned about. Does that mean he's staying to protect his mom from me?
"Worried I can't keep my fists of fury to myself?" I ask dourly.
"Why would I be worried?" he smirks. "I've only witnessed you attempting to fight two people, excluding the time you took a swing at me."
"Come on," Dorothy says, tugging Brendan in. "Let's give them a minute."
"I would never hurt your mother," I hiss after they've gone inside.
He looks surprised by my vehemence, and his face softens. "I know that, Olivia."
"Then why are you staying?"
"You seem to be forgetting that this is my mother's house. I don't need an excuse to be here."
I stop. "Fine, but I'll sleep on the couch. It's one thing before meets, but there's no reason you shouldn't have your own room tonight."
"There are miles of woods around here," Will says. "You're not sleeping on the couch and that's final."
I sigh deeply. "It's fine, Will. I haven't been having the dreams as much, and if I do, I'm not likely to make it far. Running barefoot in the woods ought to wake me up pretty damn fast."
"What if it doesn't? Do you know how many miles of woods are out there? You think I'm gonna sleep for shit, worried that I'll wake up in the morning and discover you've been lost in the woods, freezing for God knows how long? And if nothing else, I don't want my horndog little brother coming out to the living room every morning and watching you traipse around in your pajamas."
"I don't traipse around, first of all, and second of all, I wear running clothes to bed almost every night so it's not exactly sexy."
"You wear a tight little tank with no bra," he glowers. "That's enough. Did you see the way he was looking at you just now? Multiply that times 10."
If I didn't know better, I'd think he sounded a little possessive. I like it. And I like that he seems so intensely aware of what I wear to bed.
"Okay."
"Okay? You're giving in, just like that?"
I shrug. "Sure. If it means that much to you, I'll do it."
"I guess that's why it's so much colder this afternoon," he says, opening the door. Brendan and Dorothy stand right on the other side, and I suspect they were listening. "Hell must've frozen over."
///
Dorothy takes me into the kitchen, where she has a list of jobs for me. More than anything, she seems excited to have someone to cook for again. "You're sure this is okay?" she asks for the hundredth time. "I'm not keeping you from a date, am I?"
I laugh. "No."
"From what Will says, you have your pick. I hear you have the entire men's track team and most of the football team on a leash."
"That's a slight exaggeration."
"No it's not. I heard the football players were singing some song at you from the bleachers. It irritated Will to death."
"Everything irritates Will to death," I mutter. "And that song stopped a while ago."
She nods. "Will spoke to the head of the football program about it."
"He told you that?" I ask, surprised the song annoyed him that much. And I thought I was irritable.
"No," she says, suddenly turning pink. "Peter did."
She asks me to set the table, which I'm happy to do until she informs me we need an extra place setting for Jessica. I dread her arrival long before it occurs, bracing myself for her big fake smile and big fake laugh and big tits-sadly, those are probably real-and the way she's always pawing at Will.
She shows up once again in a suit that looks super expensive-what the hell does she do for the university anyway? I feel young and silly in my sweater and jeans. She hugs all of us, though her hug for me is decidedly stiff with dislike.
"You always do such a nice job with dinner, Mrs. Langstrom," she gushes as we sit down to eat. She glances pointedly at me. "If I'd known you had such a crowd, I'd have gotten here sooner to help."
"I've been cooking for a crowd on my own for as long as I can remember," says Dorothy.
"Well, you shouldn't have to," says Jessica, reaching beside her to clasp Will's hand. "And besides, I want to learn how to make all of Will's favorite things. Why don't I come by tomorrow? We could make dinner together."
I wish there were a vomiting trough someplace close by. I catch Brendan's eye. It looks like he needs one too.
"It's really not necessary," says Dorothy with more certainty. "Besides, if I need anything, Olivia can help."
Me? Help in the kitchen? I can't think of a less likely candidate, but I like the way that Jessica's smile seems to contort around something very large and very sour. It doesn't even look like a smile anymore, more of a grimace with teeth.