Waiting for You(9)

Erin stiffened. “My mother’s out of the picture, and Dad passed away a few years ago. Heart attack.”

Damn. “I’m sorry,” he said. “That must have been rough.”

She shrugged, turning her head to look out the passenger side window.

Silence fell, but this time it didn’t feel restful. Here he’d been thinking of Erin as someone with no painful history, no baggage weighing her down…but that obviously wasn’t the case. He tried to think of a way to change the subject.

“So…it’s just you, then?”

She looked back at him. “At my house? Yes, I live alone.”

“No boyfriend?” he asked before he could stop himself.

“No,” she said after a moment.

He could have kicked himself. Now she probably thought he was planning to make a move on her.

“What about you?” she asked.

“Me?”

“Yes. Do you have a girlfriend?”

Why had she asked him that? Was she just making conversation, or did she actually want him to make a move on her? If there was any chance of that, he had to make it crystal clear it was never going to happen.

“No, I don’t have a girlfriend. I’m not really interested in dating anyone right now. I haven’t made any decisions about what I’m doing next, so…”

She frowned a little. “I thought you were starting a business.”

“I’m thinking about it, yeah. But I don’t have to build motorcycles in Iowa. I could go anywhere.”

Being home was both good and bad. He loved his family, but their obvious worry and concern wasn’t anything he felt like dealing with right now.

Erin was still frowning at him. “You should stay,” she said. “Don’t you want to be near your family? After being away for so long, everything you must have gone through—”

She paused, and he felt every muscle in his body tense. He didn’t want Erin to ask him what he’d gone through. He was afraid he’d snap at her the way he snapped at anyone who asked him that question.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “It’s none of my business what you decide to do.”

Jake felt himself relax, but only slightly. It had been a mistake to let himself feel at ease around Erin, even briefly. He needed to keep his guard up—around her, around his family, around everyone. Even casual conversations could be full of unseen landmines, which is why he usually avoided them.

He exited off the highway and drove through Willow Springs. Once they were past the town center the roads weren’t well plowed, and he slowed down. After a while he turned onto Maple Hill Road. “How far?”

“A mile on the right.”

They drove the mile in silence, while his wipers tried to keep up with the snowfall. There was something hypnotic in the rush of flakes coming towards them, as if they were speeding through a galaxy of stars.

“This is it,” she said after a few minutes, pointing at a small white house with a front porch. Out back, misted by the falling snow, he could see woods and rolling hills.

“It’s nice,” he said, turning off the engine.

Erin nodded. “I love living here.” She glanced at her house and then back at him. “Do you want to come in for a minute? There’s actually someone inside you might remember.”

He stared at her. “Someone inside? I thought you said you lived alone.”

She smiled. “I do.”

She’d made him curious, but he should still say no. Going inside with Erin was a very bad idea. She looked so beautiful smiling up at him like that, with her creamy skin and big gray eyes and fair hair starting to come out of its complicated knot.

In spite of himself, his eyes went to her lips.

If he went inside, he wasn’t sure he could resist the temptation to kiss her. But if he did that… if he bent his head to cover that soft, generous mouth with his…he’d be using her.

He’d be losing himself in Erin’s sweetness to fill the emptiness inside him. He’d be using her to forget everything that had happened this last year, even if it was just for a little while.

And there was nothing he could give her in return. He wouldn’t even be able to stay the night, if things went that far. He never knew what he was in for when he fell asleep. Until the nightmares stopped coming he wouldn’t risk sharing a bed with someone, no matter how much he wanted to.

He shook his head. “I should really be getting home.”

“Just for a minute,” she said, her sweet smile coaxing him, and he opened his mouth to say no.

“Okay,” he said instead, even as he kicked himself for the third time that night. “But only for a minute,” he added, more to himself than to her.