A quick pulse of anger made him push his chair back from the table. His emotions had been volatile this past week, breaking through the layer of numbness he’d lived with for so long.
He knew it was because of Erin. She’d affected him like a chemical agent, reacting with his armor and making it porous.
He grabbed his empty dishes and brought them to the sink. “I’ve told you before not to worry about me. I’m fine.”
“It was snowing like crazy that night. Most of our guests stayed over—we’d rented out a block of rooms. You could have spent the night at the hotel, even if you wanted to leave the reception early.”
The truth was, he’d never considered that as an option. He didn’t like staying in hotels. There was no guarantee he’d have a quiet night, and if he didn’t, he hated the idea that a guest in the next room might hear one of his nightmares.
He shrugged. “I needed to give someone a ride home.”
“Who’d you give a ride to?”
“Jesus, Allison. What’s up with the interrogation?”
He turned his back and started to wash the dishes. When Allison didn’t say anything for a minute he turned around again to face her. She was just watching him, her face impassive, but he knew his sister and he could spot the hurt in her eyes.
He sighed. “Sorry I snapped at you. I gave Erin Shaw a ride home and then went back to my place. Okay?”
“Erin? You gave Erin a ride home?”
He wasn’t sure which was worse—the worried look that had been in her eyes a moment ago, or the eager, excited look there now.
“Don’t get any ideas. Erin needed a ride and I gave her one. End of story.”
Allison brushed that aside. “It was snowing, and you drove her home from a wedding. Tell me that’s not a romantic moment waiting to happen.”
He started to say something cynical, but a sudden memory of Erin walking through the snow, her cheeks rosy with cold and her hair shining against her black coat, brought him up short. Then he remembered what she’d looked like in his arms, her breath coming fast as she’d gazed up at him with those big gray eyes.
Turning her down that night was the first decent thing he’d done in months.
It was also the hardest thing he’d done. And a part of him had regretted it ever since.
“You’re thinking about her, aren’t you? You’re thinking about her right now.”
Allison’s voice sounded smug, and he decided it would be a long time before he accepted another invitation to a family dinner. “Will you cut it out? There’s nothing going on between me and Erin. I haven’t even talked to her since that night.”
He’d actually tried to, a couple of times. When a few days went by and he still felt like shit about the way things had gone down, he decided the least he could do was call and apologize. Her home number was unlisted but he’d found a business number on her website. He’d left two messages for her, asking her to call him back.
She hadn’t.
Now Allison was looking indignant. “You mean you haven’t called her?”
“I tried to,” he said shortly, and then wished he’d kept his mouth shut. The last thing he wanted was to get into a conversation with his little sister about his love life.
Not that he had a love life. Romantic relationships were the furthest thing from his mind right now, especially with someone like Erin. She was so sweet and innocent, and he…wasn’t.
He still had a hard time believing that a woman that desirable could still be a virgin. Since she could have any man she wanted, the fact that she was still a virgin meant she really was waiting for the right guy.
It was even harder to believe that she could have thought, even for a minute, that he was the right guy.
There it was again…a flash of regret. Most guys would fall all over themselves for a chance to be with Erin.
To be her first.
His jaw hardened. He’d done the right thing. Because he wasn’t the right one.
“What do you mean, you tried?”
He shrugged irritably and turned back to the sink. “I left her a couple of messages and never heard back. So, end of story.”
“That doesn’t sound like Erin. Maybe she didn’t get the messages.”
“She got them. She just doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Well, why not?” When he didn’t answer, Allison’s voice turned suspicious. “What did you do to her?”
He went back to the table and grabbed his leather jacket from the back of his chair.
“I didn’t do a thing. Not a damn thing. Tell everyone goodbye for me.”
“Jake, don’t—”
He was out the back door and striding down the driveway before she could stop him, and the first thing he did after he slid behind the wheel of his truck was to turn his cell phone off.