I didn’t know how long I stayed there. Wave after wave of nausea kept me pinned on the floor, my forearms embracing the toilet rim and my mouth open, gasping for oxygen. Slowly the feeling faded, and with my stomach empty and my arms shaky, I got to my feet.
My legs trembled. I braced myself until I reached the row of basins and cleaned myself up.
I reached out and pulled a few tissues down from the dispenser and wiped my mouth, hating the bitter taste of my vomit. I put a hand in my bag and searched for gum, a breath mint… anything to take the taste away. Finding nothing, I closed my eyes and wondered what I’d eaten to cause this sudden reaction. I created a mental list of everything I’d consumed that day. Two pieces of toast, one banana and that stingy tuna sandwich from the deli around the corner from the office.
It had to be the fish. It couldn’t be anything else.
My eyes popped open, and I counted back the days in my head, but I got flustered. I pulled out my phone instead and used the calendar app to help me calculate.
No, no, no! It couldn’t be… I tried to remember the last time I’d received a visit from Aunt Flo.
“Fuck,” I whispered. My memory was blank. How could I have missed several periods and not even noticed? No, there must have been a misunderstanding, I thought, a mistake. Something else to explain the sudden nausea.
It was the fucking tuna! Please?
I lifted a hand and with numb fingers I pulled the lid down and sat atop the toilet seat as tears ran down my face. The last time I’d had sex was…
A familiar thumping inside my head erupted once again. The hammering inside my skull made it hard to concentrate, but it also gave me a welcome distraction. I couldn’t stay in here forever, I thought. I made myself presentable and pushed through the door back into the restaurant. With jelly legs I made my way towards Harvey and gave him a shaky yet reassuring smile. Or so I hoped. I flopped down on my seat opposite him, trying not to stare too long at the fried scallop salad that waited for me at my place. I pushed the plate away, fearing that it might induce another trip to the bathroom.
“Sara?”
I brought my head up and met his blue eyes. For a brief moment I let myself get lost in them. The bright azure of his orbs called out to me, threatened to drown me in a comforting stare.
“You look a little pale,” he observed. There was a hint of concern in his tone, and I nibbled at my lip nervously. He’d been so good to me, and I wanted to tell him my suspicions… He was the only person I could tell, but I wanted to hold onto my little delusion a little longer, that maybe we could be something more than friends.
I faked a smile and took a sip of my cool water, forgoing the glass of wine. “Just something I ate earlier. I’m fine. Don’t worry.”
He examined my face longer than necessary, and I thought he was going to call me out on my lie. Before he could open his sexy-ass mouth again, I interrupted him. “Stop looking so serious. You said we’re here to celebrate, right?” I cracked a smile and he nodded, going back to being the laid-back Harvey I knew and lov—.
“So how long has Sadie worked for you?” I asked, wanting to distract myself as much as possible. “I mean, how did you two meet?”
I nibbled on a breadstick as Harvey tucked into his starter, and after taking a mouthful of tomato and mozzarella, he swallowed. “We met years ago, when I was just starting my first company. We went to the same college, but we’d never hung around in the same circles. Then years later, we met by chance and clicked instantly. Like we were meant to meet each other, you know?” I gave a nod. “And from then we started hanging out, and eventually she became my secretary. She’s the best secretary I’ve ever had. You wouldn’t believe the stuff she does; she’s a genius in her own way. Efficient, too, and the mouth on her—she’ll have you in fits of laughter. Sadie’s amazing. I don’t think I could ever do without her.”
I swallowed the unexpected lump in my throat. During the years I’d known Harvey, I’d never met Sadie (until the night Eric died, that is) nor had Harvey really brought her up, but he seemed truly smitten with her.
“Aren’t you going to finish that?” Harvey asked eyeing my plate, then looking up suspiciously.
I shrugged. “Sorry, I changed my mind on the fish.”
“You’re not eating right, Sara. You’re going to have to look after yourself better. If Eric was here…”
I knew that the moment he said those words, he regretted them immediately.
“Shit, I don’t half put my foot in it.”
I smiled reassuringly and said, “Don’t worry about it, no harm done.”