“How about you make it up to me, Harvey? And take me for a drink later on?”
The lift thudded to a stop, and before I could answer or get rid of Casey, Sara was making a beeline for the exit. Casey slithered in front of me, her eyes batting, giving me her best come-on face as she planted her palm upon my chest, blocking my way.
“Oh come on, we had fun the last time, didn’t we?”
“How can I put this nicely, Casey? You don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of riding my dick ever again. Got that? Now move out of my way.”
Casey fumed, but she finally saw sense, saw the “I ain’t fucking kidding” look I was giving her, and she stepped aside. I looked up, trying to find Sara, but she was gone. Fuck, I thought again. I needed to find her; the urge to explain was completely overwhelming. It was as if she’d caught me cheating and that I’d suddenly become a man who gave two shits about being a cheater or monogamous. But I wasn’t that guy, was I? It seemed all my lines were blurring the more time I spent with Sara, and I had no idea who I was turning into… but I did know one thing: the change in me, or whatever the fuck it was, was down to her.
“Finally! There you are!” I said as I turned a corner and saw Sara sitting alone on a concrete boulder eating an anaemic looking sandwich. “I looked everywhere for you.”
A flash of snarling teeth met me as she growled a seething, “Do you want a medal or something? What do you want?”
I fought the urge to smile. Was she jealous?
“Calm down, what’s got your knickers in a twist?” I asked, trying for a sober face.
She stuffed the remains of what looked to be a tuna-mayo concoction back into a deli paper bag and glared at me. Her small hands by her sides clenched into fists. “How about I calm down when you apologise for being an inconsiderate, womanising prick who takes all the women around you for granted?” Yeah, the anger coming off her like heat waves was not just about me forgetting about this morning… she was definitely jealous.
“I already apologised for that.”
“Oh—”
“But I’ll say sorry again, till the cows come home if you want, as long as you’ll forgive me. I’m really sorry, OK? I should have warned Sadie. I should've told you, too. But I was trying to help. I did it to make you happy.”
“Kinda backfired then,” she said, the inclination to smile coming close to the surface.
“You could say that,” I chuckled.
Sara was not normally so forward, and she surprised me when she asked, “Who was that woman?”
“What woman?” I replied, Casey or Cassie or whatever her name already forgotten.
“The woman who was all over you in the lift?”
“No one.”
“Don’t lie to me, Harvey. She practically had her tongue down your throat. Is she your fuck-buddy, too? I feel sorry for Sadie.”
“For fuck’s sake, what on earth does Sadie have to do with this?” I muttered. Just when I thought we were back on an even keel, the boat started rocking again. It was like her hormones were out of whack or something, but god forbid I say such a thing; my life wouldn’t be worth living after that. “I told you, she’s no one.”
She sat in silence and looked away. “I was just asking. Forget I even asked.”
“What’s it got to do with you, anyway?” I said, practically shouting, wanting to finish the sentence with you’re not my girlfriend. “It’s not like you’re offering up your secrets to me!”
Her mouth dropped open.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know fine well what I mean, Sara. The thing you’ve been holding back, clinging onto. Why won’t you admit to it? Why do you insist on keeping it bottled up, instead of telling me? Stop letting him control you from his grave!”
I hadn’t meant to say it like that. But I was so fucking angry, not at her, at myself, at the world, at my predicament. The one single person in the whole bloody universe that I actually cared for, and wanted, was off limits. And I was pushing her away. Life could be so cruel. But here I was being a jerk, most likely making her feel even worse than her shitty husband ever did when he was alive.
I should’ve known better than to upset her, to try to force her to come to terms with what she’d gone through. I had an inkling of what the son of a bitch did to her. She didn’t deserve my outburst, though. She’d just been making conversation, but it’d touched a very exposed nerve, and I lashed back.
Her voice wobbled. “If I’d known you were such dick, I would have never agreed to come to work for you, let alone have you in my life!”