My hands clutched at my phone, fingers tense, debating whether or not it was a good idea to call the one person I should be able to discuss anything with. But since the wake I hadn’t spoken to my twin, feeling that I shouldn’t have to apologise for her overreaction or her jealousy.
She was my last resort, especially since my fight with Harvey.
After a brief moment of hesitation, I dialled her number and waited as it rang for a long time. I wasn’t sure whether she would pick up or ignore my call, but just as I was about to give up, she answered. “What do you want, Sara?”
I felt my heart sank. “Anita,” I began and rubbed at the hollow socket of my eyes, “I’m sorry about the other week. Emotions were high that day. I didn’t mean for us to fight or anything like that during Eric’s wake.”
“There’s no point rehashing it, Sara. Look, I’m busy. What do you want?” Anita said.
“I…I was wondering if I could steal you for a moment and have a chat? A coffee maybe?” I asked, sounding hopeful.
An irritated huff left her before saying, “Sara, I know you’re going through a tough time, but I don’t have time for a coffee. Why did you call during dinnertime? You know how busy I get. Again, you just don’t think. I have children to look after, a husband to feed and a house to keep clean. Now if there’s nothing else, I’ll to speak to you later.”
Before I could speak, she ended the call, leaving me with the phone in my hand and a loud beeping that cried out into the distance.
Monday morning, the beginning of a new week, full of promise, and I was determined to make an effort. I parked my car and walked towards the animal shelter Eric allowed me to volunteer at. This had been my only workplace during my three years of marriage.
I took the small flight of stairs in twos, smiling as I went, telling myself today was going to be a good day. It was the start of something new, and I looked forward to meeting and caring for all the new arrivals if my plan was successful.
“Hey Sara,” a familiar and friendly voice said. “How you keeping, pet?” asked Dianne, the manager of the shelter. She held a young Lab to her chest; the little rascal nudged and nipped playfully at her fingers.
“Hi, Dianne. I’m good.” I greeted her and gave her a quick hug.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” she said suddenly. “We were all thinking about you. Tragic. Taken so young. Hope you’re coping OK.”
“Yeah.” I swallowed a sudden lump in my throat.
“Did you come to get some animal therapy?” Dianne asked.
“Well, yes, that of course, but I also wanted to ask you if there was any way I could go full-time? If you could take me on as a worker here instead of a volunteer?”
Her smile faded. “I’m afraid I can’t do that,” she said as flicker of sympathy crossed her hazel eyes. “We don’t have the budget for it. And as much as I would love to pay you, I can’t. Maybe next year when we get more donations. But you know how it is, we barely get enough money to feed the animals.”
“I know. That’s fine. Just thought I’d ask,” I said, though I was far from OK. Working at the shelter and getting paid for it was my master plan, the first step toward pulling my life around. And here I was, falling at the first bloody hurdle. “I’ll go into town and see if I can find anyone hiring.”
I turned to leave but she called out to me. “Actually, wait!”
“Yes?” I said, brightening.
“Try the new café that’s just opened up. The little boutique. You’ll know it when you see it, all done up fancy. I heard they’re looking for someone. And feel free to give my name as a reference.”
“Thanks, Dianne. I appreciate it.”
I said my goodbyes, took a quick tour to view the new kittens, then left, feeling like maybe there was hope for me yet.
7
Sara
I was dreaming.
I knew it the moment it started, but I was unable to pull myself out from under the spell. A cloud of fog cleared a path in front of me, and I blinked through my blurry eyes. I tried to make sense of my surroundings, of the black emptiness that seemed to dominate the room. My ears pricked up. A faint voice called my name. It was close, but I couldn’t see the owner. Scared, my feet locked together, unable to move.
The fog transformed into a pitch-black mist that swirled around me, making it almost impossible to figure out where the sound was coming from. My palms were damp.
“Sara.”
I turned my head towards the sound, spinning; he was close, but I saw nothing.
“Sara.” There it was again. The thudding in my chest picked up speed. He was going to hurt me. But I wouldn’t let him touch me like that ever again. I thrashed my head around as the voice continued to plague me.