My eyes caught sight of my mother, my stepdad Russell, and Anita and her family in the kitchen. I turned instead towards the drinks table and poured myself a 3-fingered glass of whiskey, no ice.
“Where have you been?” A familiar female voice cut through me.
My sister, with her hands planted on top of her slim hips, fumed with anger. Her face flushed with annoyance. “We were worried sick!”
Taken aback, I took a huge swig, draining the glass, then reached for the bottle again.
“I went out for a quick walk. I had to get out of here one way or another, and you wouldn’t let me go lie down,” I bit back.
Anita snorted, her tongue tutting in disgust, as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“I don’t believe you! All these people were here to support you, and you just left. You can’t half be ungrateful sometimes, Sara.”
“I’m ungrateful?”
“Yes,” she spat. “I bet you didn’t even think about how I would have to look after everyone once you disappeared. People were asking where you were. It’s like you don’t even care!”
Hurt and fury boiled together like molten lava that made me see a flash of red. “Of course I care! Eric was my husband, Anita.”
“Then fucking act like it!” she screamed, walking towards me with clear determination in her eyes. She lifted up a hand and pointed it at my chest, probing me with her sharp nail.
I shook my head though my fingers trembled. “Just because I’m not falling to pieces before your eyes doesn’t mean I’m not grieving. I loved Eric. I did,” I whispered, failing to add the next thought in my head—that I also hated him, that I regretted not having the courage to kill him myself for all the pain he’d put me through.
“You know what?” she screeched, her nail dug so deep that I wouldn’t have been surprised if she drew out a trickle of blood. “Never mind. There’s no talking to you anyway. You’re selfish. Mom was out of her mind with worry. But you’ve always got to do your own thing and fuck the rest of us. You’ve always been selfish, and you’ll never change.”
I gasped. What had I done to deserve her vitriol? It didn’t make sense.
“That’s enough, Anita,” Harvey growled.
I watched him saunter over to us, his hand quickly bringing hers down. Pushing it away from me as he stepped in between us, shielding me.
“Oh come on, Harvey. Don’t let her pull the wool over your eyes, too. She walked out on her husband’s wake for Christ sake! My mother’s in bits. But Sara would know nothing about her health since she never had to look after her.”
“Anita, this isn’t the time or the place. And if there’s anyone to blame, it’s me. I dragged her out of here away from all you fucking vultures that just want a piece of her.”
“But…” Anita’s words trailed.
I said that’s enough!” Harvey roared.
His voice shook the whole house, startling the remaining guests in the corner. My sister’s mouth parted, ready to begin again.
“Why are you defending her, Harvey?”
“OK, that’s it, I’ve had enough of you. If you can’t empathise with what she’s going through, then get the hell out!” he shouted, his pulse beating at the base of his neck. He took Anita’s arm and dragged her through the hallway.
“Sara can grieve however the fuck she likes,” he declared. “It’s not up to you. Eric was her husband, Anita. Not yours. Just because you fucked around with him before they got together doesn’t give you the right to tell her how to handle this situation. He chose her, not you! And don’t go around blaming Sara for taking a break from this family’s drama. How would you feel if you were in her position?”
“I…” Once again, my sister was left speechless.
He opened the front door. “Leave. Before I say something I will really regret.”
“Fine!” Anita’s green eyes, so similar to mine, narrowed in hatred. She turned and stormed off, her coiffed blonde hair trailing after her.
Jeremy, Anita’s meek husband, collected the kids’ coats and hustled them out the door, doing his best to avoid Harvey’s glare.
Harvey made his way back to the kitchen. My mother, who’d been silent throughout the whole shouting match, started to open her mouth. He gave her a simple look, and her mouth closed. The rest of the guests decided now was the perfect time to leave, too. They drank the dregs of their drinks and left.
“You’re making a nasty habit of coming to my rescue,” I whispered.
He stared at me, the remnants of fury still detectable in his eyes. But the longer he looked at me, the softer they became, his face relaxing. “You need to start standing up for yourself. You can’t let your sister or anyone push you around like that. It pisses me off.”