Voyeur Extraordinaire(44)

We settled on the couch again and Jared quietly snuck into their bedroom. I leaned my head against the backrest. A headache was hammering in my skull and there was a twinge in my abdomen. “Do you have Tylenol?”

Amy hopped off the couch and returned a couple of minutes later with a glass of water and two pills. I washed them down with the water, then stretched out on the sofa-bed. “Go to Jared. I’ll be fine.”

Amy looked doubtful. “I could sleep on the sofa with you.”

“No,” I said quickly. “I’ll be fine, Amy, honestly. Just like you said, it was only one time. In a few months I’ll probably laugh about everything. It meant nothing. Adrian meant nothing.”

Amy kissed my cheek, then headed off to the bedroom. I extinguished the lamp on the side table and stared into the darkness, my last words replaying in my mind. It meant nothing. Adrian meant nothing.

LIAR.

Today – tonight, those words were lies, but tomorrow, I promised myself they’d be true.





Chapter Fifteen





I awoke with a steady pounding in my head. It felt like my skull was going to burst any second. I sat up, blinking back sleep. For a moment, I was disorientated and confused but then as I shifted and felt the soreness between my legs, everything came crashing back down on me. I'd hoped that maybe I’d had enough wine last night to not remember everything but my memories were as sharp as if I was seeing them on Amy’s iPad. I could remember every mortifying moment of last night.

I buried my face in the soft pillow and drew in a deep breath, trying to hold back tears. I’d thought a night’s sleep would dull the ache in my chest. It didn’t. My mortification, my sadness, my anger were as fresh and raw as last night. The anger was the only emotion I was glad to have. Anger was something I could deal with. Maybe. But the rest…

I'd always wondered how my first time was going to be, and now all those silly imaginations had been proven wrong. So very wrong. A long time ago I’d imagined my first time to be with my first love, the guy I’d been pining for from freshman year until graduation. Of course, I’d given up on that fantasy a long time ago. I quickly shoved that thought out of my brain. It led to nothing good. Later, after high school, I’d thought it would happen with someone I met in New York after moving there, someone I loved. Back then I still believed in love at first sight. Then later I’d resigned myself to the fact that I’d lose my virginity in a meaningless fling with a decent guy just to finally lose it. I’d been in that state of mind when I first laid eyes on Adrian and everything would have been perfectly fine if I’d remained in that state of mind (well, Adrian’s words would have stung even then), but somehow along the way of watching Adrian screw other women, I’d inexplicably fallen for him. Fallen in lust, as Amy called it, and maybe it had been just that; until our shared dinner, until I heard him talk about Italy, until I heard him laugh, until I caught the briefest peek behind his mask.

There was a fine line between falling in lust and falling in love, and I’d crossed it willingly – had practically smashed it like a lovesick Hulk, because deep down I’d really thought things between Adrian and me would be different, that I’d be different from all the women he’d had before.

I'd been stupid and naïve. Silly, stupid, naïve Nora.

And I couldn’t even blame Adrian, at least not for the meaningless sex part. He’d never given any indication that I was more to him than a fling. He’d pointedly ignored Giovanne’s question if I would visit the restaurant again.

I wished I could have blamed it on the wine. I wished I could say that if I hadn't drunk an entire bottle of it, I would have been clever enough to decline Adrian's suggestion to go up to his apartment. But I’d promised myself last night that I was done lying to myself. I’d been intoxicated by Adrian, not by the wine. I’d wanted him. I’d wanted to be the one to capture his heart. God, all those fucking Hollywood romances must have gotten to my head if I’d actually believed I could convince Adrian of a monogamous life with me of all people.

Adrian.

I don't do virgins.

The words echoed in my head over and over again, tearing at me, hurting me. I'd been so stupid. So very, very stupid. I'd thought I could change him, could change his antics, could make him care for me. And now I was just another notch on his belt. Just another woman who'd spread her legs for him. Just another one of his whores.

I choked back a sob but I couldn't stop the tears from falling and soaking the pillow. Something warm and furry pressed itself against my cheek, and a teary smile curved my lips. I turned my head slightly and found Bruno curled up on the pillow next to me, his brown eyes gazing at me. He wasn't really allowed to be on my pillow, especially since this was Amy's guest-bed, but I decided to let him get away with it.